


The PB to my J

by aqua_myosotis_scorpioides



Series: The PB to my J [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkwardness, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Drunk Texting, Eventual James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Explicit Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay Remus Lupin, Gen, Getting Together, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, James Potter is a Good Friend, Lily Dates Snape For A Hot Minute, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Muggle AU, Mutual Pining, Not even going to pretend this isn't total nonsense, Oblivious Remus Lupin, Pansexual Sirius Black, Pining, Remus and Sirius adopt a cat, Sexting, Slow Burn, Sort Of, Texting, University AU, We Are Not Fans Of Snape, its brief though, jily, like so much fluff, much swearing, text fic, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:22:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 52
Words: 62,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26500039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqua_myosotis_scorpioides/pseuds/aqua_myosotis_scorpioides
Summary: A Modern AU Marauders texting fic set at University.Mainly Wolfstar - Will they? Won’t they? (They obviously will...)And a little bit of Jily too.This is my first multi-chaptered fic, so any feedback, good or bad then let me know!
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: The PB to my J [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018050
Comments: 1552
Kudos: 926





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr!

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

** Prongs  **

Todays the day lads and I could NOT be more excited 

REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD

** Padfoot **

Tis true

I haven’t seen him this excited since Pret started doing those pigs in blankets pots

** Prongs  **

Ah pigs in blankets

The savoury snack of men

** Padfoot **

...Annnyway

What are your respective eta’s gentlemen?

** Moony **

‘Respective eta’s’

We’ve just got off the motorway

Mum had a rage at a bloke in a jag who undercut her 

Opened her window and yelled ‘Dork’ 

Then realised we’d be stopping right by him at the lights so she’s on a slow down

So I’d say about 20 mins

** Padfoot  **

Classic Hope

Just the right amount of aggressive

I’ll stick the kettle on

** Prongs **

Dork is a massively underrated word

And speaking of...

Any sign of @wormtail ??

** Moony **

Think he said he was getting the train

** Padfoot  **

Ergh

I’m never getting on another train again

I’m still scarred from the 4 HOUR delay outside the Gare du Nord

** Moony **

Very much a #firstworldproblem there Pads

** Prongs **

Tbf is was pretty awful

Padfoot had already struck out with the blond sitting across the aisle 

And the loo was out of order

** Moony **

Pads just rambled on about Croque Monsieurs in that days postcard

** Padfoot  **

They were SOGGY

Do you know what croque means?

It’s derived from the verb croquer which means to CRUCH

NOT to Sog

I bet Proust was never served a soggy Croque Monsieur

** Moony **

No, you’re right

He probably wasn’t

Anyway, I’d rather be stuck on a train just outside Paris than spend another hour sitting in that life guards chair

12 weeks

I swear my arse is irrevocably numb

** Prongs  **

Ha! 

Bet Fabian loves you telling that little anecdote!

** Moony **

Umm, about that...

Fab and I sort if broke up

** Padfoot  **

Sort of broke up??

** Moony **

Definitely broke up

** Prongs  **

Ah shit man, sorry

He was cool

Or was he?

Where do we stand on getting along with the ex?

** Padfoot **

When?

** Moony **

Nah, we’re good

Just decided we’d be too busy etc this year

Final year and all

** Padfoot  **

When did you break up?

** Moony **

Ah

Just before we went home for the hols

** Padfoot  **

Moons that was 3 months ago!!

Why didn’t you say anything??

** Moony **

You two were all excited for your big European adventure 

I didn’t want to put a downer on it

** Prongs  **

Still, you should have said

Well you know what they say 

The best way to get over one man is to get under another 

** Moony **

So classy Prongs

** Prongs  **

Always

Evans has got no chance this year 

** Wormtail **

On train

Bout 30 mins

** Padfoot  **

He speaks!

Need a hand with your stuff wormy?

Can drive down to pick you up

** Wormtail  **

Nah, only got my knapsack

Thx though

** Prongs **

HOW have you only got one bag ??

Sirius filled the boot with his

One was literally full of just fairy lights 

** Padfoot **

I’m sorry I like an ambient bed space 

It’s all about the layers of light 

** Wormtail **

And chicks dig fairy lights

Got change of clothes, duvet cover and washbag

** Prongs  **

So youve only got one pair of pants 

For a whole term

** Wormtail  **

And the ones I’m wearing 

** Prongs  **

Grim. 

** Moony **

Yes well

Pads’ penchant for fairy lights and Pete’s questionable hygiene standards aside

We have just gone past big Sainsbury’s so will be with you in 5

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

** Pads **

I’m sorry about Fabian

I know you really liked him

** Moons **

Yeh, I did

Never mind hey

** Pads **

Can’t wait to see you

In about 2 minutes time

I missed you

** Moons **

Missed you too Pads

** Pads  **

Gay


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing the rest of the gang

** My Ride or Die **

** Siriusly **

Umm

It can’t be just me…

** Jam **

Def not just you!

He looks like a totally different person

I mean id give him a go!

** Siriusly **

Ha!

\------------------------------

** My Support Bras **

** Als **

Girls

Just been over to see the boys and big news

Lupin. Got. Hot.

** Dorco **

??

I mean he wasn’t Not Hot before

Had that strong and silent thing going for him

** Als **

But now hes Mega Hot™

His arms are freakin’ huge!

Tried to put my hands around his bicep but nope!

** Lils **

You tried,,, to put,,, your arms,,,

around

his

bicep

** Als **

Well yeh

Tbf he looked pretty bewildered with the whole situ

** Marls **

Rem said hed been doing a loads of swimming

Perks of being a life guard I suppose

** Dorco **

Well colour me intrigued

Just leaving campus

Might go and have a quick leer

** Lils **

Ooo where are you?

I’m just about to walk home

Wanna go leer together?

** Dorco **

Obvs

** Als **

Enjoy ;)

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

** Alice **

So

Lupin’s hot now

** Sirius **

Yep

** Alice **

I mean,,,

Like really hot

** Sirius **

Yep

Broke up with Fabian too

** Alice **

Really??

Is he ok??

They always seemed proper loved up

** Sirius **

Says he is

But you know Rem

Never wants to make a fuss

** Alice **

Innnntresting

Is he looking?

** Sirius **

No

** Alice **

…

** Sirius **

I mean he was talking about third year

And not having time with work etc

So I don’t think so

Why?

** Alice **

Frank’s mate Caradoc was always keen

** Sirius **

That big bloke from Ravenclaw halls

Studies chem with Lils?

Not sure hes Rems type

** Alice **

How is tall, dark, handsome AND intelligent not his type?

** Sirius **

Yah I suppose

Just ask Rem first before you do anything ok?

** Alice **

Obviously.

You ok?

Seem a bit off?

** Sirius **

Nah just tired

** Alice **

If youre sure…

We still on for tues tho?

** Sirius **

Umm, obvs??

Its Tuesday

Tuesday is S&A Starbucks Date Day

** Alice **

Yaaaaay!

Wasn’t sure

Third year and all

** Sirius **

The idea that work will stop our Starbucks dates

is literally hilarious

\------------------------------

** My Support Bras **

** Lils **

I was not prepared for this

** Als **

Ahhh!

I know right?

** Dorco **

Its weird

Hes still the same old quiet Remus

But now he looks like a total SEXGOD

And I for one am not mad about it

** Lils **

Me neither

Bless him though

He doesn’t know how to take the compliments

** Marls **

Fabs gonna have BIG regrets

** Lils **

The hair as well

An undercut on one Remus Lupin

Who would have thought?

** Marls **

You can thank moi for that

Looks good right?

** Dorco **

Yeh it does

** Als **

Is Sirius there?

Texted him a bit ago and he seemed a bit off

** Lils **

Nah

James said hed gone to get Pete

Something about helping him with his bags

Which was apparently very hilarious

** Marls **

You headed home soon

Wanna get Chinese and watch new tricks?

** Als **

Def

**  
Dorco **

Def

** Lils **

Def

** Marls **

Dreamy

\------------------------------

** F.R.I.E.N.D.S **

** James **

The sun is shining

Sirius has picked Petey and his one (1) bag up from the station

Remus has got fit

LIFE IS GOOD Y’ALL

** Alice **

Yeah it is!

Im so excited for this year pals

And speaking of Remus

  
_**Alice**_ changed the nickname for _**Remus**_ to _**Hot Stuff**_

** Hot Stuff **

Absolutely not

_**Hot Stuff**_ changed the nickname for _**Hot** **Stuff**_ to _**Remus**_

** Remus **

Its literally only because I spent all day every day outside

My freckles joined up to make one giant freckle

So now I’ve got a bit of a tan

** Marlene **

Yeh

That’s not it

** James **

Yes Alice!

** Remus **

FFS James calm down

I can here your leg bouncing up and down from in here

** James **

Cant help it Rem

The joy is literally exploding out of me

** Marlene **

Well James’ exploded joy aside…

You guys coming over for chinoise and new tricks?

** Sirius **

Nah

Me and REM are making salted caramel brownies

And then were going to eat them and drink espresso martini’s

Like the sophisticated bitches we are

** Dorcas **

Solid first night plan

Also pre drinks here before the Hufflepuff party?

We have much wine

** Sirius **

Always keeno for some vino

Rem says yes too

**Lily**

Great

Bring snacks please

** Remus **

Will do

** Pete **

I am also here


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday Roast Day!

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Remus**

Morning troops

Was just wondering

We still doing Sunday roast this year?

**Lily**

Yes!

Love #sundayroastclub

**Alice**

Umm yes please

#sundayroastclubisago

**Lily**

Everyone ok to carry on the £3 in the #sundayroastclubkitty

**Dorcas**

Fine by me

Love a

#Lupinsundayroast

**Remus**

All the # this morning

Ok

will pick up bits on my way home

**Pete**

Im in

**Sirius**

Where tf are you??

Its practically still dark

And obv yes to #sundayroastclub

**Remus**

Bit of an exaggeration Pads

Its half 9

Am on campus with Marls

Wanted to check when the second hand book sale was

**James**

One word

Amazon (Prime)

**Sirius**

Preach

**Lily**

Not everyone has that luxury Potter

**Remus**

BACK to #sundayroastclub

What do people fancy?

**Alice**

Chicken?

Can’t go wrong with a classic

**Marlene**

Not Pork

Pete sneaks in and eats all the crackling

**Pete**

:(

Its not my fault its so delicious

All fatty and crunchy

**Sirius**

Calm down Pete

I can hear you salivating

Slightly left field but my vote goes for duck

**Lily**

Of course it does

**Sirius**

Whats wrong with duck?

They are both hilarious and delicious

With their little flippy floppy feet

Waddling about all over the place

**Dorcas**

You alright hun?

**James**

Padfoot has just done the BEST impression of duck

Hes def alright Dorco

**Sirius**

OOOOO

I know

We should have poussin

**Remus**

Is that an actual thing?

I’ve literally never heard of poussin

**Dorcas**

Wth is a poussin?

**Pete**

Does it have crackling?

**Sirius**

Its like a mini chicken

So we’d each have one

Theyre delish

**Remus**

So,,,

You want me to buy 8 individual tiny chickens

And roast them

Yeh

Im not doing that

**Alice**

It sounds quite efforty

And i'm not sure they sell poussins at little tescos

**Sirius**

Yeh

When you put it like that

DUCK IT IS!

**Marlene**

Ergh, fine

I do actually like a bit of duck

**Lily**

Yeh

Me too

**Sirius**

Yay!

______________________________

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Wanna keep me company when I’m cooking later

**Pads**

Umm of course

I always do?

I’m your chief chopper and peeler

**Moons**

Make us a new playlist?

**Pads**

Already done moonbeam

Its Daft Punk Heavy

**Moons**

You’re the best

**Pads**

No you

\-----------------------------

**Private Chat**

**Alice**

Hey Rem

Hypothetically

If I knew someone who was interested

Would you be up for me giving them your number?

**Remus**

Hypothetically

I hadn’t really thought about it

**Alice**

Ok

Not so hypothetically

What would happen if this person was Caradoc Dearborn

**Remus**

Oh man

Caradoc’s fit

And way out of my league

**Alice**

Hard disagree there 

You are a total catch

You are absolutely not out of his league

Hes been interested for a while but obv you had the whole Fabian thing going on

**Remus**

I’m not sure Al

Its only been 3 months

Don’t want to come across as a fuckboy

**Alice**

I think you’re good Rem 

But its up to you

\------------------------------

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

As we have been banned from the kitchen

I’d just like to say

It smells SO GOOD in here

You truly are a marvel Remus Lupin

**Wormtail**

Can I smell parmesan parsnips??

**Padfoot**

You absolutely can wormy

I grated the parmesan myself

And chopped the parsnips

**Prongs**

Wormy and I are off to get wine

We’ve only got disarono and that dodgy kahlua from the martinis

We’ll pick up the girls on our way back

**Moony**

Speaking of girls…

Alice texted earlier

Wanted to know if she could give my number to Caradoc Dearborn

Thoughts?

**Prongs**

Caradoc’s awesome!

I say go for it

I mean it doesn’t have to be anything serious

**Wormtail**

Yh

Caradocs really nice

**Padfoot**

You’ve only met him twice max Pete

I thought you were anti-dating?

Focus on work etc

Also he’s a bit of a prat isn’t he?

**Prongs**

Nah

You just always see him at rowing socials when hes plastered

Hes decent

**Padfoot**

Its only been 3 months though

But I mean if you’re interested

**Moony**

Cheers lads

Will think about it

You want a cup of tea Pads?

**Padfoot**

Youre my fav

I’ve just got in the bath

**Moony**

Will bring it in in 5


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius makes French Toast

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

You up?

**Pads**

Where are you??

Im gonna do French toast for breks

Want some?

**Pads**

Im putting nutella on yours…

**Pads**

MOONS WHERE ARE YOU?

________________________________

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Padfoot**

Has any seen Moony?

He wasn’t here when I got up

And isn’t answering my messages

**Prongs**

Hes here

**Moony**

Sorry Pads

Will be back in 10

Just leaving Prongs at the gym

**Padfoot**

Stop getting up so early

You know I don’t like change!

Prongs I thought you had rowing this am?

**Prongs**

Yup

Made Rem come with

We need an eighth now Fenwicks left

**Padfoot**

I’m sorry

Moony

As in my Moony

Got up at the arse crack of dawn to exercise

Voluntarily

*our

**Prongs**

Have you seen those arms?

Perfect rowing power those are

He was pretty decent

**Moony**

Don’t get too used to it Prongs

I’m knackered now

My neck and shoulders are killing me

**Wormtail**

Maybe Padfoot cud give you a shoulder massage

While you eat the french toast hes made u…

**Moony**

That actually sounds amazing

**Padfoot**

Hurry home to me then…

Massages and breakfast awaits!

______________________________

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Marly**

James’ is here

You went ROWING with him this am??

**Remy**

Yup

They need an eighth

Prongs was desperate I give it a go

You know I can’t say no to those big doe eyes

**Marly**

Youre a soft touch Lupin

How was it?

**Remy**

It’s a no from me

I’m so uncoordinated

I kept dropping bloody oar

**Marly**

Lol

Classic Rem

Wanna come over later and look at those Plato dialogues?

**Remy**

Ergh

I mean sure

**Marly**

Or we could pretend to look at them

And then go get milkshakes

**Remy**

There it is!

Will be round about 2ish

**Marly**

Perf x

______________________________

**A Good Pear**

**Als**

You good for 2ish?

Meet you there

**Sirius**

Make it half past

Re is coming over to geek out with Marls

Im gonna walk with him

**Als**

Amazing

I’m home

We can walk in together

Super excited to get my chai tea latte fix

Also Jam said R went rowing with him this morn??

That boy continues to surprise me

**Sirius**

I know

Arghh

**Als**

??

**Sirius**

Ergh nothing.

Need to sort some shit out

Just looked at the menu

They have a blond flat white that has my name all over it

AND THE GIANT TEACAKE IS BACK

**Als**

Yaaaaas

See you in a few

______________________________

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

We having a cute house dins tonight?

Thought I could whip up something

**Padfoot**

Orrrr

I could pick up manky franks omw home

Am still in town

**Wormtail**

Well up for that

I’ve got work at 8 though

:(

**Padfoot**

Moons?

You and Marls finished wanking over Plato and the rest of his democractic gang?

**Moony**

You disgust me

But yes

We are done

**Prongs**

Manky franks moony?

**Moony**

*Franco Manca

Probs shouldn’t

Cash wise

But yes

**Padfoot**

No worry

My treat

____________________________

**My Ride or Die**

**Siriusly**

Can I run something past you?

Tell me if its weird or not?

**Jam**

Course

U alrite?

**Siriusly**

Yeh fine

I was just wondering

Rem is stressing about buying his books

Apparently the ones they need this year are never avaibile in the lib

and theyre really expensive

so I though

Should I offer to get them for him?

**Jam**

I mean

That’s really nice of you Pads

But maybe a bit weird

**Siriusly**

Erghhhh

I thought so

But

I don’t want him to stress about money

And its not like I’m short of it

**Jam**

I know

But

Rems so proud you know

**Siriusly**

I know

It was just an idea

Thanks

**Jam**

Any time bro

And

Just throwing it out there

You know you can talk to me about anything right?

**Siriusly**

Alright Mr Emotional

**Jam**

Im serious (siriusly)

You’ve been a bit off since the others got back

And if something was wrong

Id want to know

So I could help fix it

**Siriusly**

I’m fine James

Just sorting a few things out in my head

Nothing major

Promise

**Jam**

Ok

Love you paddy

**Siriusly**

Love you too Jam

Wanna go to that new taco place for lunch tmw?

**Jam**

Absolutely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Franco Manca is a pizza restaurant here in the UK that does the BEST sourdough base pizzas


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang go out drinking...

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Dorcas**

Eyyy!

Whos ready to get drunk as a skunk????

**James**

I am SO ready for this

**Sirius**

Aye!

**Alice**

Meeee

**James**

Whats the plannage ladies?

**Lily**

Plannage

Really James?

Come to our for 8ish?

**Marlene**

We have all the wine

And some of the snacks

**Dorcas**

Not gonna lie

The snacks have taken a bit of a hit

**Remus**

We have snacks

Kettle chips, those tiny chocolate biscuit balls

And for some reason 100 mini onion bahjis

**Sirius**

That’s on me

Have you BEEN to Iceland?

I mean

100 onion bahjis for £2

Umm yes please

50 piece Chinese snack selection £2.50

I’ll take two

**Alice**

Lmao

I literally can’t imagine you in Iceland

Bets on that you’ve scarred the locals

**James**

He was like an excitable puppy

He demanded that a rando old lady come and look at the langoustine tails

Because

And I quote

‘the price is exceptional’

**Lily**

Do we need to go and get dip for the crisps?

**Remus**

Hard no on the dip

Pete double dips

**Marlene**

Kettle chips aren’t the only thing pete double dips

A little bird told me you have not only secured a date with the lovely Mary this week

But also with Emiline

BOTH ON FRIDAY

**James**

Pete is the MAN

**Peter**

Meh

Having coffee with Emi to look at the schedule for next month

Not rly a date

And I think Mary felt sorry for me

**Remus**

You shouldn’t sell yourself short Wormy

**Lily**

She wouldn’t have agreed to go unless she wanted to

**Sirius**

YES PETE

And I am lecture free on Friday so I can PUMP YOU UP before you go

Well get eye of the tiger blasting and really go for it

**Alice**

I’m THERE!!

I want someone to double date with Frank

**Peter**

Cheers guys

**Dorcas**

See you in a few

We’ll wine it up and then get a taxi over to puffs

\------------------------------

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Padfoot**

Ergh

I didn’t know the rugby lads were going to be here

**Prongs**

Whys it matter?

**Padfoot**

Nah doesn’t really

I’m at the bar and they’ve taken over

Itll take fucking hours to get served

**Moony**

You always complain

And you always get served

Within minutes

**Padfoot**

Can’t help my allure Moonikins

**Moony**

That must be it

The allure

**Prongs**

That and Rosmerta fancies you

How has Wormy already disappeared?

Weve only been here 10 mins

**Moony**

Mary was here with her lot

Hes gone to charm her friends

**Padfoot**

If you’d told me

2 years ago

That Pete was going to be charming his ladyfriend’s friends

But look at him

**Prongs**

So proud

*sniff*

*wipes tear with hankie*

**Moony**

Don’t be that guy Prongs

**Sirius**

Buuuurn

**Moony**

Don’t be that guy Pads

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Marly**

Rem

Where are you

Caradoc is by the bar and has asked where you are THREE times already

Go and talk to him

**Remy**

I don’t know Marls

I really don’t think hes interested

And I’m with Sirius

Hes already plastered

So we’re sitting outside for a bit

**Marly**

Look

I’m not sure whats up with the self esteem issue

But he is DEF interested

He literally told Alice he was interested

I mean

What other evidence do you need?

And Sirius can look after himself

**Remy**

Ok ok

Were heading back inside anyway

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Sirius**

Your mate Caradoc ids all over Rem

Hess beingt so obvioujs about it

Its reaqly not appropriagte

**Alice**

What u mean?

Caradoc clearly likes Rem

And Rem obviously doesn’t mind the attention

**Sirius**

I just don’t’ want hijm to get hurt

Hes only jjust got rid of Fab

And he ndeds someone swhose goin to look afgtefr him

**Alice**

I love you Siri

But it isn’t really up to you is it

Rems not stupid

**Sirius**

Jujst trying to be a good matde

Thatsw all

**Alice**

Well

As a good mate I think you should just let them be

And ANWAY

That blonde on the dance fllor in the learther skirt has been making eyes at you…

**Sirius**

Timde to oput the allure in action

**Alice**

What?

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Remus**

Has anyone seen Sirius?

He was really drunk and I haven’t seen him for ages

Bit worried about him

**Dorcas**

;)

Looks like our resident heartthrob is getting stuck in on the dance floor

**Lily**

Oh FFS

Why has he taken his shirt off??

**James**

Tbf she doesn’t seem to mind does she

Although

It IS getting a bit hot and heavy for public consumption

**Alice**

Hows its going with C Rem??

**Lily**

YES

I saw you two looking cosy

**James**

Get in Moony

Remember

Best way to get over is to get under

**Remus**

Yes Prongs

Thanks for that image

We had a perfectly pleasant conversation thank you

**Marlene**

Someones going to need to do something about those two

She is now visibly licking his chest

**Dorcas**

Not it!

**Lily**

Not it!

**James**

Not it!

**Alice**

Ergh fine!

\------------------------------

**Wolfbucks**

**Rem**

Think I’m gonna head home

Got a bit of a headache

**Jamie**

You ok?

Need me to come with?

I have some paracetamol with me

Where r u?

**Rem**

Nah all good

Am outside

**Jamie**

You ok walking though

We can share a taxi

Nto sure where Worm has got too

And i don’t’ think Padfoot will be gracing us with his presence at home this eve…

**Rem**

I’m fine walking

Fresh air will help

You should stay and carrying on annoying Lily

**Jamie**

I’ll have you know she actually laughed at two

TWO

Of my jokes this eve

**Rem**

You stud

\------------------------------

**My Ride Or Die**

**Siriusly**

I cant finj moioiy

Nerd to tell hnm simethin gv

**Jam**

What?

Where are you??

Thought you were with that blonde?

**Siriusly**

Shes nolt rem,hujs

**Jam**

Bloody hell you’re completely plastered aren’t you

**Siriusly**

Can yiou wlak hoeme with me? Im to drunk

Oh u dnt have to anymore..

Im hoem now

**Jam**

Yes

I am aware of that

After walking you home

\------------------------------

**Private message**

**Caradoc**

Was great seeing you this evening

I really enjoyed chatting to you

**Remus**

You too!

Sorry I disappeared

Had a bit of a headache

Bit too much to drink maybe

**Caradoc**

Sorry to hear that

I hope you feel better

**Remus**

I’m sure I’ll be fine tomorrow :)

**Caradoc**

Hope this isn’t too forward

I know you and Fab didn’t split that long ago

But I was wondering whether you’d like to get a coffee sometime

I really did enjoy talking to you

**Remus**

You know what

I’d really like that

**Caradoc**

Amazing!

I’ll pick a few dates and you can let me know what suits

Night Remus

**Remus**

Night


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the night before

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Padfoot**

Everything is dark

And I long for death

**Moony**

Hands up who’s surprised

**Prongs**

Not me

**Wormtail**

Not me

And I don’t even know what went down

**Prongs**

Padfoot went down

Hard

Several times

It was like trying to coax a giant squid in to the taxi

It was not bueno

**Padfoot**

:(

**Prongs**

Wth were you even drinking??

I swear you were so hammered

**Padfoot**

Dunno

Can’t remember

Anything

**Moony**

Well

One minute you were getting VERY frisky on the dance floor

And the next thing I know Prongs is trying wrestle you to bed

**Padfoot**

Were you home?

**Moony**

Yeh

**Padfoot**

Oh

Thoguht you left with Caradoc

**Moony**

Nope

Came back early

Had a headache

**Wormtail**

Seriously though

Are you ok?

I can hear you whimpering

**Padfoot**

It seems

Old chums

That I was sick in to one of my boots

And then tried to throw the sick out the window

But the window was not open

**Prongs**

That is rank 

**Padfoot**

Yes it is pretty upsetting

There is quite a lot of sick

**Moony**

Sigh

I’ll come and help clear it up

I feel surprisingly ok

**Padfoot**

Thank Rem

Can I have a cup of tea?

**Moony**

Sure

**Wormtail**

How come Padfoot gets tea??

**Prongs**

Oooo me to pls

**Moony**

I hate you all

I’ll do a pot

Give me 5

**Prongs**

Youre a literal saint Remus Lupin

______________________________

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

So

We gonna talk about last night

**Siriusly**

What about it

I got obliterated

And was sick in a shoe

**Jam**

Sirius

**Siriusly**

James

**Jam**

I’ve known you long enough

To know when something is bothering you

You never get that drunk

**Siriusly**

FFS James

Nothing is ‘bothering’ me

I got drunk

That’s what your supposed to do at uni

**Jam**

Theres drunk

And whatever the hell you were last night

The one night

I seemed to be actually getting somewhere with Lily

And I have to get your sobbing whiny arse home

**Siriusly**

Annnnd as usual it comes back to Lily

Its been 2 years Prongs

I’m pretty sure

Talking to her for 10 minutes

Without her rolling her eyes

Isn’t considered ‘getting somewhere’

**Jam**

Look

I know youre hungover

But youre being a total dick

**Siriusly**

Whatever

**Jam**

I’ll be here when youre ready talk

_____________________________

 **A** **Good Pear**

**Alice**

So

We going to talk about whatever the hell that was last night?

**Sirius**

No

**Alice**

Excellent

______________________________

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Dorcas**

So last night

Was eventful

Rem got chatted up

Sirius gave everyone a show

Pete laid the groundwork with Mary’s pals

**Prongs**

Indeed

**Dorcas**

Excuse you

Im not finished

And Lily

Our lovely innocent Lily

Is yet to return home…

**Lily**

Bloody hell Dorky

No need to shout about it

**Remus**

Where was Lily?

I mean

Good for you Lily

God

That makes me sound like a patronising old man

**Lily**

Haha!

It really not very exciting

Its just a bloke from my chem seminars

We just chatted

And then fell asleep on the couch

**Marlene**

‘chatted and fell asleep on the couch’

That’s what all the young kids are calling it these days

You seeing him again??

**Lily**

Well yeh

I see him every week

Al you at Frank’s?

**Alice**

Yeh

**Lily**

Sevs place is just up from there

Want to walk home together?

**Alice**

Can we get doughnuts?

**Lily**

We can get doughnuts

**Alice**

:)

Come knock whenever youre ready babe

Sirius youre very quiet??

**Remus**

He’s asleep

There was a slight sick incident that needed to be seen to

and now hes napping

**James**

‘Slight sick incident’

I’m not sure his carpet will ever be the same

And his shoe is 100% ruined

**Pete**

Rem you had to help him wash the sick out of his hair

I swear I don’t know how you weren’t gagging

**Dorcas**

Annnnd I’ve heard enough

Well done team for smashing the clichéd student night out

______________________________

**My Support Bras**

**Lils**

Is it just me

Or is something up with the boys?

**Marls**

Def not just you

Remus was being really cagey last night

And then went home in what I’m pretty sure was a strop

**Dorky**

I thought that

He had a face like thunder

**Als**

And Sirius was SO DRUNK

*screenshot*

_Sirius_

_Your mate Caradoc ids all over Rem_

_Hess beingt so obvioujs about it_

_Its reaqly not appropriagte_

_Alice_

_What u mean? >_

_Caradoc clearly likes Rem_

_And Rem obviously doesn’t mind the attention_

_Sirius_

_I just don’t’ want hijm to get hurt_

_Hes only jjust got rid of Fab_

_And he ndeds someone swhose goin to look afgtefr him_

**Marls**

Whats that all about then?

Caradoc seems decent?

Unless he knows something we don’t

I think hed be a really good fit for Rem

**Als**

Not sure

Everyone loves Caradoc

And I agree!

Hed bring him out of his shell a bit

**Lils**

R & S are really close though

Maybe Sirius was looking forward to spending more time with him

Don’t know

**Dorky**

Who knows

I hope they sort their shit out tho

I honestly thought Sirius was going to get thrown out

And don’t think we have finished with you Lilibet!!

**Lils**

Ugh

Fine

But lets wait until Al and I are home before the inquisition starts

**Als**

We can do it over doughnuts

**Marls**

Sweet

______________________________

**My Ride or Die**

**Siriusly**

I’m sorry Jam

I was a total dick earlier

I know how much you like her

**Jam**

Nah

No worries

I just don’t get

Why she won’t give me a chance

But is happy to go home with a rando??

**Siriusly**

I don’t know mate

But shes a idiot

Youre top dollar

**Jam**

Cheers Paddy

Ill get over it

Plenty more fish etc etc

**Siriusly**

Yup

**Jam**

Anything else you want to talk about…

**Siriusly**

I dunno

I mean

Theres stuff

But Im not sure

My heads a bit of mess

**Jam**

Ok

The offer still stands

Whenever youre ready

**Siriusly**

You truly are a gem James Potter

What to come and lie on my bed

In silence

And listen to Absolute 80s?

Re helped me change my sheets

So theres no sick

**Jam**

Well that sounds delightful

I’ll bring the lucozade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those not in the UK Lucozade is like a sports energy type drink that all mums give you when you're poorly. Its great for hangovers


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius just can't get it right

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

Up and at them lads!!

First day of lectures

And I am ready to get STUCK right in

**Moony**

Bloody hell Prongs

Wth are you doing?

I can hear you thrashing about like a Basilisk

**Prongs**

Moony old chum!

I’m making us all smoothies

**Wormtail**

Oh no…

**Padfoot**

Yes Prongs!

Love a breakfast smoothie!

And what delight will be invigorating our taste buds this fine morning??

**Prongs**

Im glad you asked Padfoot me old matey

A subtle blend of cucumber, lime, kale, spinach, celery and ginger

I call it

A Green Latifah

**Moony**

I love you James

Like

So much

But

**Prongs**

Don’t get your knickers in a twist Moony

I’ve done you chocolate and peanut butter

A moony special

**Moony**

Youre my fav

**Wormtail**

How come Rem doesn’t have to drink the green one?

And I do?

**Prongs**

A good question Wormy

And my answer is

Do you not want to get down to business?

To defeat the huns?

**Moony**

Oh Good Christ

**Padfoot**

Did they send me daughters?

WHEN I ASKED FOR SONS?

**Prongs**

Youre the saddest bunch I ever met

But you can bet before we’re through

**Padfoot**

Mister I’ll, make a man, out of yoooou!

**Wormtail**

Tranquil as a forest

But on fire within

**Padfoot**

(Yes Wormy!)

Once you find your centre

You are sure to win

**Prongs**

Youre a spineless, pale, pathetic lot

And you haven’t got a clue

**Wormtail**

Somehow I’ll

Make a man

Out of yooooou!

**Moony**

Yes, well

That’s quite enough of that

**Padfoot**

I’m never gonna catch my breath

**Prongs**

Say goodbye to those who knew me

**Wormtail**

Boy was I a fool at school for cutting gym

**Padfoot**

This guys got em scared to death

(Come on Moons!)

**Prongs**

Hope he doesn’t see right through me

**Wormtail**

Now I really wish that I knew how to swim

**Moony**

Oh fuck it

BE A MAN

**\------------------------------**

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

What time you finished on campus today?

**Pads**

Umm

I’ve got French Lit at 12

But free as a bird afterwards

**Moons**

Do you want to go and get a baked potato

And sit and people watch

While imagining their sordid back stories

**Pads**

That sounds exactly like something I would want to do

Meet me outside the language block

At about ten past?

**Moons**

Perfect

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Sirius**

Im sorry I was such a twat yesterday

:(

**Alice**

Nah

Youre good babe

Hangover a bitch?

**Sirius**

Like

At one point

I think I might have been clinically dead

And the amount of sick did not help

**Alice**

Thank god for the Remus Lupins of the world hey…

**Sirius**

True that

**Alice**

...

**Sirius**

??

**Alice**

Just gonna leave it there then are we

**Sirius**

I don’t get it?

**Alice**

Oh sweet one

I didn’t think you did

ANYWAYS…

Wanna come have lunch with me and Frank later?

**Sirius**

No can do

Am meeting Re on campus for potato times

**Alice**

Cute

**Sirius**

Aren’t I always??

**Alice**

You should ask him that

**Sirius**

What?

**Alice**

What?

**Sirius**

Youre being weird today

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Padfoot**

Just finishing

See you in 5

Where are you??

Reeemuuuuss?

Hurry up!

All the good potatoes will be gone!

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

Im not trying to cause an issue

So don’t fly off the handle again pls

But I thought we decided that buying Rem’s books for him

WAS weird

**Siriusly**

Shit

James I honestly don’t remember ordering them

Is he really upset?

**Jam**

What do you mean you don’t remember??

How??

Theres about £500 worth of books here

Hes fucking fuming

**Siriusly**

They were in my amazon basket

I looked them all up before I you said not to

And on Sat night

I must have done that one click order thingy

**Jam**

Right

Well

You need to come home and talk to him

Before he sets the books on fire or something

**Siriusly**

Ok ok

I’m on my way

Put in a good word for me though?

**Jam**

I’ll try

Hes embarrassed Padfoot

I quote

‘I’m not some sort of charity case’

Hes panicking about having to find £500 to pay you back

Basically

It’s a total shit show

\------------------------------

**Not fast, Just Furious**

**Remy**

Anyone in at yours?

**Marly**

Yep

Lils and I are watching Loose Women

And eating cold lasagne

**Remy**

I’m coming over

**Marly**

Everything ok?

**Remy**

No

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

Remus please

I’m so sorry

Can you come home so we can talk?

**Moons**

No

Im quite happy here

Watching Loose Women and eating cold lasagne

**Pads**

Please Remus

**Moons**

Sirius I don’t think you quite understand how mortifying it is

To have your best mate

Buy your course books

Because you can’t afford them

And now

I have to find a huge amount of money

To pay you back

I’m not a charity case Sirius

**Pads**

I know!

I NEVER thought you were

I just thought it would help

You were stressing about it

And it doesn’t make any difference to me

**Moons**

That IS the difference Sirius

The fact that it doesn’t make any difference to you

I feel totally belittled

Poor Remus

Can’t even afford to buy his course books

He might as well give up now

I don’t even know how you knew what to buy

**Pads**

You left your reading list on the kitchen table

And I don’t think that

You know I don’t

I just wanted to make things easier for you

**Moons**

Well you massively missed the mark

**Pads**

I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for nothing re: Mulan


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has a date...

**Private Message**

**Caradoc**

Hi Remus!

If you still fancy a coffee I’m free tomorrow afternoon or fri

Do either work for you?

**Remus**

Hi!

Yes! I can do either

Or

On the off chance

You free this eve??

**Caradoc**

Ive got training at 6

Should finish about 8

What you thinking?

**Remus**

Want to get a drink?

Having a shit week

Could do with cheering up

**Caradoc**

Well

Youre in luck

Cheering up cute boys who have had a shit day

Is a particular specialty of mine

**Remus**

Charmer

Meet me at the Leaky at 9?

**Caradoc**

Cant wait

\------------------------------

**Wolfbucks**

**Jamie**

You home for dinner tonight?

**Rem**

Nah

Will eat with the girls

**Jamie**

Youre going to have to talk to him at some point Rem

I know youre pissed

And i get it

But you know what Sirius is like

He just wanted to help

**Rem**

I know that James

Argh!

I don’t know

Just let me get over myself

We all know I’m going to forgive him anyway

**Jamie**

Ok mate

Just hurry it up

I can’t bear him moping around

Looking like a kicked puppy

**Rem**

Oh I hate that look

**Jamie**

Come home after dinner

And we can watch Bake Off?

**Rem**

No can do I’m afraid

Am meeting Caradoc for a drink

**Jamie**

Ooooooooo!

Meeting Caradoc for a drink as in

Oh I’m just meeting my mate Caradoc for a drink

Or

Im meeting my _mate_ Caradoc for a drink…

**Rem**

Well

I don’t really understand what that is

But

Maybe don’t wait up

**Jamie**

you stud!

;)

**\------------------------------**

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

Looks like its another romantic dinner for two tonight

**Siriusly**

Oh

Ok

Where are the others?

**Jam**

Wormy is over at Mary’s

And Rem is eating with girls

**Siriusly**

:(

Is he coming back for Bake Off?

**Jam**

No…

Hes got a date with Caradoc

Hes seems really keen

He said

And I quote

‘maybe don’t wait up’

**Siriusly**

Oh

**Jam**

Come on Padfoot

He’ll come round

You know you never stay mad at each other for long

**Siriusly**

I guess

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Caradoc**

I had a great time tonight

:)

**Remus**

Me too!

Sorry for bailing

Red wine makes me sleepy

**Caradoc**

No worries

Although you should know

I definitely would have asked you back for coffee

**Remus**

Ha!

Good to know

**Caradoc**

So

Would you be up for doing it again sometime?

Maybe we could add dinner in to the mix…

**Remus**

Sounds great

I’ll let you know when I’m free

**Caradoc**

Great

Speak soon

X

**Remus**

:)

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

You awake?

Sirius

I can hear you crying

And I’m pretty sure it was you standing outside my room 5 minutes ago

**Pads**

I’m fine

Nightmare

Didn’t mean to wake you up

**Moons**

Why didn’t you just come in?

**Pads**

I just

I woke up

And auto piloted to your room

Because that’s what I always do when I’ve had a nightmare

And then I remembered that youre not talking to me

**Moons**

Meh

I’m over it

**Pads**

rly?

**Moons**

Yeh

As Prongs pointed out

I never stay mad at you for long

**Pads**

I am really sorry you know

I didn’t mean to make you feel crappy

**Moons**

I know

I mean

We’ll have to talk about how I’m going to pay you back

But

We’re fine

**Pads**

Good

I missed you

**Moons**

Its been 2 days Padfoot

**Pads**

So?

Still missed you

How was your date?

**Moons**

I’m not sure

Drinking too much red wine and getting all weepy constitutes as a date

But we had a nice time

**Pads**

Do you like him?

**Moons**

Well yeh

Hes easy to talk to

And its VERY flattering that hes interested

But hes a bit lads lads lads

If that makes sense?

**Pads**

Whys it flattering??

**Moons**

Because hes really fit??

And fun

And popular

And I’m just

You know

A bit of soggy toast really

**Pads**

That is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said

And anyway

Even if you were

Which youre absolutely not

Some people like soggy toast

I like soggy toast

**Moons**

But you always were an anomaly Pads

Thanks though

**Pads**

Can I come and sleep in your room?

**Moons**

Do you really have to ask?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is oblivious

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

Wormy!

You can come home

All is good in the world again

*photo attachment*

**Wormtail**

Thank god for that

It was like having your parents fighting

And that is some of the cutest shit Ive ever seen

**Moony**

What the fuck James?

How long were you standing in my room for?

**Prongs**

As long as it took to take

Let me just check

27 photos of you snuggled up with Padfoot

**Padfoot**

To be fair moons

You do give the best cuddles

**Prongs**

…

**Moons**

Oh alright Prongs

In you come

**Prongs**

Yaaaaaaaay!

Cuddle pile

**Wormtail**

Leave space for me!

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Alice**

Gang

We headed to the sports social next fri?

If yes Frankie can get 6 tix

James can you get the others?

**Dorcas**

Im up for it if everyone else is?

Sports soc stuff is always good

**Lily**

Theyre always good

Because theres always loads of free booze

**James**

Youre not wrong

And yes

I can get the others

**Alice**

Fab

So Fs will cover him, me, Lils, Marls, Dorks & one of you guys

Pete you gonna bring Mary…?

**Pete**

I was maybe going to see if Emi wanted to come with

Shes not on shift Fridays

**Marls**

Pete you player!

I love Emi though

Shes a hoot

**James**

Ok so im getting the 4?

Pete, Sirius, Rem and me?

And Al youll cover Emi?

**Remus**

Jesus this is getting complicated

Anyway

Don’t count me

**Sirius**

What?

Moons you have to come!

Who else am I going to do shots of Samuel Bucca with?

**Remus**

No I am

I said id go with Caradoc and his lot

**Marlene**

Ooooo!

**Dorcas**

Oooooo

**Lily**

Ooooo

**Remus**

Yes that’s quite enough thank you

**James**

Moony is the man

Now that established

I’m getting 3 tickets

Me, pete, Sirius

**Lily**

Actually

James can you cover Emi

I was going to see if Sev wanted to come

**Marlene**

Oooooo

**Dorcas**

Oooooo

**Alice**

Oooooo

**Lily**

You guys suck

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Marly**

So…

Who ya texting…?

**Remy**

Go away

Im trying to concentrate on this very interesting lecture

**Marly**

I can literally see you sitting looking at your phone

Thanks for saving me a seat BTW

**Remy**

I tried!

But then that weird ‘I love trees aren’t they beautiful’ girl

Tried to engage me in conversation

So I moved

And its not my fault youre late!

**Marly**

Excuse you

I was doing some important flirting

**Remy**

The girl with the pink hair in the café?

**Marly**

The girl with the pink hair in the café.

I was trying to blag a free coffee

**Remy**

Did it work?

**Marly**

What does it look like I’m drinking

**Remy**

You and you wiley ways McKinnon

**Marly**

Anyhoo

Back up a bit

Who ya texting…?

Is it Caradoc?

You’ve been grinning like a loon for 15 minutes straight now

**Remy**

No

Just Sirius

Hes telling me about a dog he saw on his way in to town

**Marly**

That boy

I do worry about him sometimes

Anyway

Enough about Sirius

How ARE things going with lover boy?

**Remy**

Hes hardly a lover boy

And yeh theyre ok

Weve only been out like twice

and neither time was like a date date

**Marly**

Do you like him?

He clearly like you

If youre his date to the Sports Soc

Means he wants you to be around his pals etc

**Remy**

Hes really nice

And I really enjoy spending time with him

**Marly**

That is such a lame answer Lupin

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

The doggo wasn’t there on my walk back

:(

**Moons**

Oh never mind

He probably had to go home

To carry on doing doggo related activities

Like tail wagging practise

And barking studies

**Pads**

Well that’s adorable

So

Youre going to the social with Caradoc?

Decided to give it a proper go?

**Moons**

No nothing like that

He asked if I fancied tagging along

And I thought why not

**Pads**

So not like a date then?

**Moons**

Nah

**Pads**

Ok well thas good

**Moons**

Good that I can’t get a date or…?

**Pads**

God no!

Good as in we’ll be able to spend time together

As in the gang

The gang will all be together

Which will be good

**Moons**

Right

You ok?

**Pads**

Im dandy as always Moonlight

**Moons**

Are you high?

**Pads**

No

I’m just stoked to be spending time with all my pals

All together

In one place

**Moons**

You do realise the 4 of use spend basically every night together?

And that the girls and Frank are coming over Sunday for #roastclub

**Pads**

Goddam it Remus!

Let me be excited about this!

ANYWAY

I was wondering

If maybe

Youd want to come and see that Tenet new film that’s out

With me?

**Moons**

Sure

Sounds good

When are you thinking?

**Pads**

Great!

Umm

Tonight?

Theres a showing at 8:10

We could grab some dinner before?

**Moons**

Works for me

**Pads**

Amazing

So I’ll pick you up about 7ish

**Moons**

Pick me up?

From where?

**Pads**

Umm

Your room?

**Moons**

Lol ok yes

You can pick me up

At 7

From my room

Don’t be late

**Pads**

X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for spamming your inboxes twice in one day. I'm just having too much fun writing this! PLEASE let me know if it gets boring


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burritos and margaritas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discussions of sexuality in this chapter

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

Super excited for our house date tonight lads

Haven’t been out the just the 4 of us for aaaages

**Padfoot**

What?

What date night?

**Prongs**

Moony said we’re going for dinner

And then the cinema

To see that Tennat film?

**Padfoot**

Oh

**Prongs**

He said it was your idea?

And that you were picking us up from our rooms at 7

**Wormtail**

I’m excited

Where are we eating?

Can we get Mexican

**Prongs**

Oooo yeh

Im well up fro Mexican

We can have magaritas

**Moony**

I’m not sitting through another film

With you giving a pissed commentary Prongs

You totally ruined Frozen 2

**Prongs**

That

Was a GREAT night

Into the unKNOOOOWWWNNN

**Wormtail**

Into the unkNNOOOWWNN

**Prongs**

Umm Padfoot?

**Wormtail**

Well Moony

It seems it falls on you

Were waiting…

**Moony**

Sigh

Into the unkknnnnoo-ooooowwwnnn

**Padfoot**

Sorry was busy

Yes

V looking forward to magaritas and cinema

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Sirius**

Al

Can I run something past you

**Alice**

Always love

Whats up?

**Sirius**

What would you do

If you liked someone

But you didn’t know how to tell them?

And they obviously had no idea

Hypothetically

**Alice**

Well

Hypothetically

I would ask them out

Get to know them a bit

And then

If they seen receptive

Make my move

**Sirius**

Ok

But hypothetically

What happens if you tried asking them out

But they didn’t realise it was supposed to be a date

And now youre getting burritos and margaritas

With a third and fourth wheel

**Alice**

This

This is a VERY specific hypothetical

**Sirius**

Yes

Well im just ruminating

Making sure all bases are covered

For hypothetical purposes

**Alice**

Ok

Right

If the slowly slowly approach isn’t working

Then I guess you need to tell them how you feel outright

If theyre being totally oblivious

**Sirius**

But what happens if theyre oblivious

because they literally have never thought about you

In a dating capacity?

And the very idea makes them want to vomit 50 shades of rainbow

**Alice**

Sure

But on the flip side

If you never tell them theyre never going to think about it any other way

You need to plant the seed

And see where it goes

**Sirius**

Seems a bit high risk

Of you know

Having your heart ripped out and stomped all over

**Alice**

Oh sweetie

You really like him don’t you

**Sirius**

Umm

I think if you scroll back up youll see that this is a HYPOTHETICAL convo

And even if it was real life

Who says it’s a him

**Alice**

Sirius

You’ve been playing the pronoun game this whole time

So unless they go by they/them pronouns

Its clearly a him

**Sirius**

It’s a him

Alice I don’t know what to do

I like him SO much

And its all a big mess

**Alice**

How long?

**Sirius**

How long have I liked boys?

Or how long have a like this boy?

**Alice**

Both I guess

**Sirius**

Don’t know

Always I think

I just

Don’t really care

Gender wise

Its more the person

Does that make sense

**Alice**

Pan then?

You know no-ones going to care right?

**Sirius**

I suppose if I had to put a label on it then yeh

But I’ve never really bothered

I know no one will care

But it just so happens

That everyone at uni ive been interested has been female

So I didn’t see the point in trying to explain it to people

**Alice**

And the boy?

**Sirius**

Ergh

Literally since I met him

But hes always had a boyfriend

**Alice**

And now he doesn’t

**Sirius**

No

They broke up a couple of months ago

And I don’t know

All the suppressed feeling

Just came flooding back

Hes so amazing

And clever

And so funny that sometimes I laugh so much I do that snorting thing

And he doesn’t make fun if me when I do it

But hes also really kind

And is always looking out for people

And doing little things to make them feel better when theyre sad

And hes really fit

Not that it matters

But hes also apparently really fucking oblivious

**Alice**

Wow

I never thought id see the day

That Sirius Black

Turned in to a complete sap

Over someone

**Sirius**

Not helpful

Humph

**Alice**

Sorry hun

Its cute though

I think

Knowing all that

That operation ‘rip the plaster off’ is probs the best way to go

You need to just tell him

**Sirius**

I know

I think so too

Before I go literally insane

I mean

Its in the genes

It doesn’t need any help

Thanks Al

Youre the best

**Alice**

Anytime love

Any chance youre going to tell me who it is?

**Sirius**

Not a chance

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Lils**

Are we seeing the boys tonight?

**Marls**

No

Saw James on campus earlier

He was buzzing for some sort of house date night

**Dorky**

Lol

Classic James

He does love his boys

**Marls**

That he does

He said something about getting burritos and margaritas

And then annoying Rem in the cinema

**Lils**

Ergh

There is nothing worse

Than someone who talks in the cinema

And Potters the type

**Als**

Burritos and margaritas??

As in the FOUR of them are going out

To get burritos and margaritas

**Marls**

Ummm yeh

That’s what he said anyway

**Alice**

Interesting

**Dorky**

Whys that interesting?

That seems pretty standard for that lot

**Alice**

Just

I had a conversation with Sirius earlier

And now a lot of it suddenly makes sense

**Lils**

Anyway

I asked because im gonna go for a drink with Sev

**Dorky**

Nice

Hows it going?

**Lils**

Yeh ok I think

Hes quiet

But that’s not necessarily a bad thing

**Marls**

We’re going to want details when youre back!

**Lils**

Obvs

See you all in a bit!

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Alice**

It’s Remus isn’t it?

I bloody knew it!

Sirius Black you need to call me right now!

**Sirius**

new phone, who dis?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is the best

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Wormtail**

Top night lads

Twas fun

**Moony**

I agree

Even if I did fall asleep

**Padfoot**

And drool on my shoulder

**Moony**

:(

**Prongs**

Indeed!

Although bit shit seeing Evans out with the new boyfriend

**Moony**

He’s not a patch on you Prongs

I’m sure shell come round

**Prongs**

You’ve been saying that for 2 years now

I think its probs time

To get a grip

**Padfoot**

youre a total catch Prongs

I would

**Moony**

Same

**Prongs**

Umm *cough*

Wormtail?

Anything to add

**Wormtail**

Oh

Yes

Same

**Prongs**

You guys

:)

\----------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

Correct me if im wrong

And I quite often am

But during the film

Did I see you running your fingers through Rems hair?

**Siriusly**

Umm

No

**Jam**

Are you absolutely sure?

Because

I could have sworn

When Moony fell asleep on your shoulder

You were running your fingers through his hair

**Siriusly**

Are you sure it was me?

**Jam**

Yes Padfoot

I’m sure it was you

**Siriusly**

Oh

Ok

Then I guess I was

Yes

**Jam**

Any reason why?

**Siriusly**

His hair is very soft

**Jam**

I see

Are you ready to talk yet?

**Siriusly**

I am not

**Jam**

I shall continue to wait patiently then

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Alice**

You can’t hide from me for ever Siri

Its Starbucks Date Day

And I know where you live

**Sirius**

FINE

Youre like a dog with bone

**Alice**

No

Im pretty sure that’s you

**Sirius**

Why do I feel like that was some sort of innuendo?

**Alice**

Because it was??

You’ve got a boner for Remus

**Sirius**

What a genteel lady you are Al

**Alice**

That’s me!

Anyway

Ive had a great idea

Ill invite Frank to SDD and you invite Rem!

**Siriusly**

Like a double date?

**Alice**

Exactly

He won’t go around inviting other people

Willy nilly

Because other people will already be coming

Its perfect!

**Siriusly**

I suppose

Its not like I have anything to lose is it

**Alice**

That’s the spirit!

We’ll meet you there at 2

X

\------------------------------

**The PB to my J**

**Pads**

Hey Re

I was wondering

Whether you wanted to come to Starbucks

With me and Alice this afto?

**Moons**

Isn’t that yours and Alice’s thing though?

I don’t want to intrude

**Pads**

No you wont be!

Alice is bringing Frank

**Moons**

Fun

Itll be a bit like a weird double date!

**Pads**

Why weird??

**Moons**

Well Alice is bringing Frank

As in her actual boyfriend

And youre bringing me

Will we hold hands under the table?

And stare adoringly in to each others eyes?

Over steaming mugs of coffee

**Pads**

Is that idea really that bad…?

**Moons**

Lol

Can you imagine

Literally hilarious

**Pads**

You know what Remus

Forget it

**Moons**

What?

Why?

I was only joking

The idea of us double dating with Alice and Frank

Its funny!

Sirius?

I’ll see you there at 2 then I guess

\------------------------------

**The Fortebottoms**

**Frankie**

Babe

Please don’t be mad

But

**Ali**

But what?

**Frankie**

Caradoc caught me on my way out

Wanted to know where I was going

**Ali**

I DO NOT like where this is going

**Frankie**

I’m so sorry!

I tried to shake him off

But I accidently let slip that Remus would be there

And now hes tagging along

**Ali**

Frank

Not cool!

This is totally getting in the way of my OTP

You’ve got to get rid

**Frankie**

Babe you know I can’t do that

**Ali**

Ergh

Damn my inclination towards soft boys

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Alice**

WTF Sirius

Where are you??

**Sirius**

*screenshot*

_Moons_

_Well Alice is bringing Frank_

_As in her actual boyfriend_

_And youre bringing me_

_Will we hold hands under the table?_

_And stare adoringly in to each others eyes?_

_Pads_

_Is that idea really that bad…?_

_Moons_

_Lol_

_Can you imagine_

_Literally hilarious_

Obviously the idea of us

Being anything more than friends

It’s a total joke

I need to just get over it

**Alice**

No!

Sirius this is REMUS

You remember Remus?

The boy who thinks its impossible anyone could be remotely attracted to him

Remember what he was like with Fabian?

With Caradoc

**Sirius**

I don’t know

I mean

The boy invited not one but TWO people

Out on what was supposed to be a date

**Alice**

Did you

At any point

Mention the word date though??

**Sirius**

No

But I thought I was pretty clear

**Alice**

Yeh

But probably not in the world of Remus

We’ll plan

I think we need reinforcements

Anyway

I have to go

I need to run interference

Caradoc is pulling all the moves on Rem

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Siriusly**

I’m ready to talk

**Jam**

YES!

Right

Ive been thinking

You know how oblivious and self deprecating Rem is

We need a clear cut plan of action

So theres no way he can misinterpret the signals

**Siriusly**

Wait

What??

**Jam**

Oh

Sure

Go ahead

‘James I’m in love with Remus’

OMG you like boys??

You like REMUS?

What a shocking turn of events

**Siriusly**

Really?

That’s it?

No questions?

**Jam**

What?

You like Remus

Rem is being an oblivious as always

We need a plan

Oh

And me and Wormy are sorry for crashing your date yesterday

**Siriusly**

I have many questions

But first

If you knew it was supposed to be a date

Why the hell did you come?

**Jam**

I have an answer for this

I didn’t realise it was supposed to be a date

Until the hair stroking incident

And then I put a few more things together

And everything that has ever happened suddenly made sense

The snuggles in bed

The baked potato times

Him bringing you cups of tea and then chatting to you

When youre in the bath

**Siriusly**

And you don’t care

That I didn’t tell you I like boys too

And that I like Remus

**Jam**

Why would I care?

I’m confused

**Siriusly**

Because it would mess up the dynamics

and make things weird

and anyway

youre getting way ahead of yourself

hes not interested

**Jam**

Padfoot

Wormy literally sent me a photo of you both in your boxers

Giving each other full body massages

Hes def interested

Youd make a good couple

In fact

I think youd be perfect for one another

Proper clichéd balance each other out and shit

**Siriusly**

I really, really love you James Potter

**Jam**

I know

But not as much as you love Moony

;)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has a revelation... finally

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Remy**

Hey Marls

How’re things

**Marly**

You saw me in Liberalism

Less than 20 minutes ago

Things are EXACTLY the same

**Remy**

That’s good!

**Marly**

WTF is wrong with you?

Am I about to find out why you were being all shifty

**Remy**

I wasn’t being shifty!

I was just

Preoccupied

**Marly**

Lets have it then Lupin

**Remy**

I think ive had a fight with Sirius

And I don’t know why

**Marly**

Ah good!

We’re finally getting to it

Lets begin

**Remy**

Basically

I asked him if he was ok

And he said he was

but ****

On Wednesday we always do Nesquick and Nails

As in

I help him paint the nails on his right hand

Because when he does it they go all smudgy

And we drink Nesquick

I have chocolate

And Pads has banana

And then we swap half way through

But this morning he said he was going to get Alice to do them

**Marly**

I swear to God you two are so weird

**Remy**

You and Dorcas have a bra rota!

**Marly**

Point taken

**Remy**

I just

Hes been odd for ages now

I feel like im walking on eggshells

And I know I flew off the handle about the books

But

I though wed got over it

I don’t know Marly

I miss my Sirius

**Marly**

Oh Rem

Look

I’m not trying to stir

But have you ever thought that

You and Sirius

Blur the lines

Between what constitutes a friendship?

**Remy**

What?

No

**Marly**  
oh my God

Youre both so stupid

Its making my eyeballs hurt

**Remy**

Hey!

**Marly**

Lets play a game

Sirius’ favourite animal is a…

**Remy**

Duck

He thinks theyre hilarious and delicious

Everyone knows that

**Marly**

Ok

Sirius’ favourite colour is…

**Remy**

Forest green

Whats the point of this?

**Marly**

Indulge me

Sirius’ favourite song is…

**Remy**

He claims its Bowie Rebel Rebel

But its actually

Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake

Unless its Christmas

Then its Leona Lewis

One more sleep

**Marly**

Very specific

Lets change it up a bit

When Sirius has a nightmare…

**Remy**

He comes and sleeps with me

And I stroke the skin in between his knuckles

It calms him down

**Marly**

Almost there…

When Sirius has had a bad day he likes…

**Remy**

To have bath

With the Intergalactic bath bomb from lush

He likes that it makes his skin all glittery

And I wash his hair

**Marly**

Final one

Sirius is…

**Remy**

Fuck

Sirius is my favourite person

Ever

Marls

I think im in love with Sirius

**Marly**

There we go!

**Remy**

What do you mean there we go??

Marlene

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

**Marls**

Gimma a sec

\------------------------------

**Cool Name Pending**

**Marls**

Al

Super quick

Sirius is in love with Remus

Right?

**Als**

Yh

Obvs

**Marls**

Thought so

Cheers babe

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Marly**

You find him

Make an over the top declatation of love

And kiss him senseless

Just like in the movies!

**Remy**

Hahahahaha

I’m CLEARLY not doing that

Oh my god I’m going to ruin everything

Hes going to hate me

And its going to be really awkward

And James and Pete are going to hate me

And I’m going to die alone

Because no-one is ever going to be as amazing as he is

Fuck fuck fuck

**Marly**

Rem calm down!

Firstly,

James and Pete aren’t going to hate you

I swear you 4 are like a gang of marauders

Marauding all over the place

And secondly

Sirius chooses you when he has a nightmare

Sirius chooses you wash his hair when hes had a shit day

Surely even you

Aren’t that oblivious

**Remy**

I don’t know

Hes just super affectionate

Prongs and him always make blanket forts his the living room together!

And go for tacos just the two of them

Oh god

Hes in love with James isn’t he?

I can’t ruin it for them

I can’t become a homewrecker!

Wait no

James loves Lily

Poor Sirius though

Unrequited love sucks

I should know!

**Marly**

You finished freaking out?

And you’ve known you like Sirius for what?

About 5 minutes

Go home

Find Sirius

Talk to him

And the next time he has a bad day

You can get in the bath with him!

**Remy**

That image is not helping!

\------------------------------

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

We all home for dinner tonight?

Thought id do a spag bol

**Wormtail**

Sounds good

I’ll pick up garlic bread

**Padfoot**

Shotgun the knobbly bits

**Moony**

I’ll shotgun your knobbly bits

**Prongs**

LOL

Remus!

**Padfoot**

Whats got in to you?

**Moony**

I know what id like to get in to you

Shit

Im sorry

Ive had a teensy weensy bit to drink

**Prongs**

Oh my God

Where has this Remus been hiding

And can he stay

Hes fucking hilarious!

**Padfoot**

Where are you?

**Moony**

Can one of you come and get Remus please?

Hes at ours

And is totally bladdered

He found some left over party hats

Strung them together with Dorko’s dressing gown cord

And then tied them to his back

And is currently in the garden

Roaring at the birds

Because he is a Remusaurus

**Prongs**

Jesus Christ

We’re on our way

**Wormtail**

Take pictures!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It begins...

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Moony**

I feel

Very unwell

**Prongs**

He awakes

MORNING MOONY

How ya feeling?

**Moony**

Like an ant being squeezed

By a little childs angry fingers

**Wormtail**

Wow

**Moony**

Why am I in Padfoots bed?

Why am stark bollock naked apart from a party hat?

Oh god

Is this what dying feels like?

**Prongs**

One word

Remusaurus

**Moony**

Wth does that mean?

**Wormtail**

*video attached*

**Moony**

Oh fuck me

**Prongs**

Would you like to take this one Padfoot?

**Padfoot**

I would not

You are in my bed because you refused to sleep anywhere else

And when I tried to relieve you of the party hat

You ugly cried

And said it was the only thing that ever loved you

**Moony**

I am

So

Sorry

**Prongs**

Rem

There is literally nothing to be sorry about

It was

HILARIOUS

**Wormtail**

Although Padfoots back

May never be the same

*video attached*

**Moony**

Again

I am

So

Sorry

**Padfoot**

Anyway

Im going to make pizza

What some?

**Moony**

Unless you can cure my hangover

With your penis

Im not interested

Penis

Penis

P i z z a

**Prongs**

Oh my GOD

This is GOLD

**Moony**

FML

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Lily**

Did Remus survive?

**Wormtail**

Lol

Hes just woken up

And feels

#notgood

**Dorcas**

Lmao

Shocking

**Remus**

Lily, Dorcas, Marlene, Alice

I can only apologise

and say

how deeply I regret my current life choice

**Alice**

It was certainly a wild ride

You grabbed Lils stuffed parrot

And chucked it at the #sundayroastpiggybank

And yelled ‘ANGRY BIRDS!!’

**James**

Brb

Dying of laughter

**Marlene**

@sirius

How far did you get with Rem on your back?

**Sirius**

Not far

Despite his unrelenting optimism

In my upper body strength

I was not built to carry a 6ft 4 dinosaur

Half a mile

**Marlene**

I take it you will not be accompanying me to our 3pm this afternoon Rem?

**Remus**

I will not

Now if you’ll excuse me

I feel the need to vomit

**Alice**

Delightful

Also

While have y’alls attention

Frank has sorted our tix for Fri

**James** I’ve got them too Shall we say 7pm here For pregame?

**Alice**

Brillo

**Marlene**

Sounds good

We’ll bring stuff for cocktails

**Lily**

Im meeting Sev at his

So I’ll see you there

**Sirius** Lame You’ll miss out partying with the cool kids But yes Pregame at ours I shall provide all the gins

**Remus**

SIRIUS BLACK WHY IS THERE A MASSIVE DICK ON MY FOREHEAD!

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Sirius

I really am sorry

And not just for last night

But for whatever else I did

That has made you mad at me

**Pads**

??

I’m not mad

And its fine Rem

It honestly was hilarious

**Moons**

James said I straddled you

On the sofa

And wouldn’t get off

Until you booped my nose

:(

**Pads**

Well yes

There was that

And you made me come to the loo with you

And wouldn’t let go of my hand

Could probs have lived

Without that experience

**Moons**

:(

At any rate

I was wondering

Whether you maybe wanted to have dinner with me

Tomorrow

Somewhere nice

**Pads**

As in the 4 of us?

**Moons**

No

I was thinking maybe just us

Its fine if you don’t though

I just feel

Things are a bit weird between us

And it would be nice to spend some time with you

Without anyone else around

If that makes sense

**Pads**

Yeh

That makes sense

And id love to

:)

**Moony**

:)

Pick you at

At 7sih

From your room?

**Pads**

Pick me up at 7ish

From my room

**Moons**

Now

Will you come and help me get this dick off my forehead?

**Pads**

OMW

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**_Sirius_** added **_James Potter_ **group

**Alice**

Hi James!

**James**

Hi Alice!

**_Alice_ ** _changed the nickname for **A Good Pear** to **Operation Rip the Plaster**_

**James**

Nice!

Im pumped for this

Getting my two best buds

Together forever

**Sirius**

Calm down

I just

*insert screenshot*

**_Moons_ **

_:(_

_At any rate_

_I was wondering_

_Whether you maybe wanted to have dinner with me_

_Tomorrow_

_Somewhere nice_

**_Pads_ **

_As in the 4 of us?_

**_Moons_ **

_No_

_I was thinking maybe just us_

_Its fine if you don’t though_

_I just feel_

_Things are a bit weird between us_

_And it would be nice to spend some time with you_

_Without anyone else around_

_If that makes sense_

**Alice**

That

Sirius Black

Looks suspiciously like a date to me

**Sirius**

Rly?

I don’t know

We go out to eat all the time

But am I overthinking it

Because of last night

**James**

Mate

I’m pretty sure

If you needed hard evidence

That Rem’s in to you

You got it last night

**Alice**

He wasn’t exactly subtle was he

Hed already told Marlene

But he did NOT hold back

When he was Remusauring away

**Sirius**

Told Marlene what?

**Alice**

Oh

That hes in love with you

**Sirius**

WTF??

Alice

When were you going to tell me this?

**Alice**

Umm

Now?

Sirius

Remus told Marlene

That he’s in love with you

And then drank away his feelings

Because he thinks

And I quote

‘why would an adonis like Sirius

Want a sad, lonely dinosaur like me.’

**James**

That

That is the most heartbreaking thing

Ive ever heard

**Sirius**

What the fuck

Has he even looked in a mirror recently?

I was not prepared for this

Mentally

I need to go and sit in a darkened room

And process

**James**

Just throwing it out there

Now is probs a good time

To tell him youre in to boys

**Alice**

Good shout Jam

Man we’re so good at this!

**James**

I know right??


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GetPronged

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Remy**

Have I totally fucked it up?

Prongs has given me the run down

And some of the stuff I was saying

I might as well

Become a hermit

In a cave

**Marly**

Don’t be silly

It wasn’t that bad

**Remy**

Marlene

I told him I wanted to ride him like a bicycle

**Marly**

When you put it like that…

**Remy**

FFS

This literally could not be any worse

**Marly**

I wouldn’t say that

And I MAY know something

But its not my place to say

**Remy**

Intensely unhelpful

**Marly**

Ok

Lets put it this way

I have

From a verified source

That if you were to say something to him

Re: being totes in love with him

You might be surprised at his response

**Remy**

Please don’t be shitting with me

My fragile mind and body can’t cope

**Marly**

Fragile body my arse

Youre ripped these days Lupin

Which Sirius got to enjoy first hand last night

;)

**Remy**

I hate you

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

Morning Re

Hows your International Trade lecture?

**Moons**

Its actually really interesting

I didn’t realise

How the failure to start a new round

Of multilateral trade negotiations at the WTO conference

In Seattle in 1999

Was such a setback for the international trading system

**Pads**

Youre so funny

And so smart

**Moons**

I just love economics

Anway

Have just finished

We still on for tonight?

**Pads**

Absolutely

Really looking forward to it

Moons

I want to tell you something

**Moons**

Ok…?

Am on my way home

See you in 10

**Pads**

I think it would be easier for me

If I could just do it like this

**Moons**

Oh ok

Sure ****

**Pads**

I like boys

Shit

That sounds so weird

I mean

**Moons**

You mean youre Pansexual

**Pads**

How do you do that?

Yeh

Im sorry I never said anything

**Moons**

No!

Don’t be sorry

Youre allowed to tell people on your own terms

Im glad you told me Pads

**Pads**

Me too Re

But how did you know

I was going to say Pan

And not Bi

**Moons**

Because youre you

Youd never let

Something like gender

Get in the way of how you see people

Which is just one of the reasons

Why youre the best

**Pads**

:)

I’ve made cheese toasties for lunch

I’ve put pickles in yours

**Moons**

You Sirius Black

Are a remarkable human being

\------------------------------

**Operation Rip the Plaster**

**Sirius**

Guys

I think

This evening

I think it might be a date

**Alice**

!!!!

**James**

What are you going to wear??

Ooo

I know

Where those grey chinos

That have the black stripe up the sides

Your arse lots hot in those

**Sirius**

James what the fuck?

**James**

What?

I can appreciate a nice arse when is see one

And yours is a particularly fine specimen

**Sirius**

Tsk

Obviously I know

If I knew you were interested

I would have given you a show a bit more often

**James**

Theres still time bb

**Alice**

Getting a bit of track here boys…

**James**

Ahh yes

I can see how youd think that

You should also wear that creamy floaty blouse thing

That only you can pull off

**Alice**

And when you wear it

Remus cant take his eyes off you

**James**

Precisely!

Do you think

I should abandon the degree in medicine

And open up a matchmarking service instead?

I could call it ‘GetPronged’

**Alice**

I wouldn’t give up the day job

**James**

Noted

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

Hows it going?

Hows it going?

Hows it going?

**Siriusly**

Bloody hell Prongs

Its fine

Its Rem and me

Having dinner

Like we have a million times before

**Jam**

Yes

But this time

YOU LOVE EACH OTHER

Have you told him yet?

Padfoot?

OMG are you telling him right now?

**Siriusly**

Fuck. OFF

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

I really enjoyed tonight

You were right

It was nice to hang out

Just the two of us

**Moons**

It was

Although paying when I was in the loo

Was sly

**Padfoot**

Meh

Youll get it next time

**Moons**

Im gonna make a tea

Want one?

**Padfoot**

That sounds delightful

Do you want to drink tea

And come watch that King Alfred programme

In bed?

**Moons**

Why is that even a question?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: the Sports Social...


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooof  
> This is a long one!

**Operation Rip the Plaster**

**Alice**

So…

How was it…?

**James**

OMG ALICE

It was SO cute

When I got home

I could hear them in Siri’s room

And I swear to God Remus was GIGGLING

Was SUPER CUTE

**Sirius**

I KNEW I could hear the floor creaking outside my room!

How long were you standing there for??

Pervert

**James**

Approx 5 – 60 minutes

I wanted to see if you were going

To go all 50 shades

If you know what I mean

;) ;) ;)

**Alice**

I swear you boys

Have zero boundaries

**Sirius**

I would refute that accusation

But honestly

That’s a classic Potter move

Anyway

You would have been waiting all night

Nothing happened

**James**

*unfortunately nothing happened

**Alice**

BOOOOOOO

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Marly**

How was it??

Did you both confess youre love

And then get down and dirty

In the hallway

Because you just couldn’t make it to the bedroom

**Remy**

Yes

**Marly**

OH MY GOD

Really?

**Remy**

Obviously not

We had a nice dinner

And a nice chat

And then went home

And had a nice cup of tea

And watched a nice programme about King Alfred

In a nice warm bed

**Marly**

How utterly anti-climatic

**Remy**

Yeh

I know

I just didn’t know how to bring up

The whole

Oh by the way Pads

I know weve been best buds

For 2 years now

But its recently come to my attention

That really

All I want to do

Is fuck your brains out

**Marly**

W-o-a-h

Go hard or go home Rem!

**Remy**

Errrggghhh

I’m just

REALLY sexually frustrated

Apparently harbouring a secret crush

Which you didn’t even know you had

Until a MEDDLING nuisance

Got involved

Means you wake up with a boner

That is pretty darn hard to get rid of

**Marly**

You are DELIGHT today

**Remy**

I’m not even sorry

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Remus**

Hey Al

**Alice**

Hi Remus!

Did you enjoy your date last night??

**Remus**

??

I went out for dinner

With Sirius

**Alice**

Yeah

I know…

**Remus**

Hmmm

Anywho

I need advice

**Alice**

I am known to be an EXCELLENT advice giver

How can I advise you today?

**Remus**

Caradoc

Hes great

And we get on really well

But Im worried we’re on different pages

If that makes sense?

**Alice**

It does

Please continue

**Remus**

I don’t know how to say it

Without making me look

Like an egotistical berk

**Alice**

So basc

You want to tell him

That youre not interested

**Remus**

I guess

I don’t want to just stop talking to him

Cos that’s a jerk move

But if I keep on

Then I’m sending the wrong message?

**Alice**

Nothing actually happened did it

I mean

Caradoc is pretty vocal

So he would have def told Frank

**Remus**

No

We went out a few times

but I don’t even know if they

were supposed to be dates

**Alice**

Yes

I’ve heard you’ve got form

For not recognising when a date is a date

**Remus**

?

**Alice**

Not important

I think just carry on as you are

But maybe make it clear

The next time you see him

That it’s a definite friend thing

So like

This eve

Don’t pregame at his

But agree to meet there?

**Remus**

Good shout

Thanks Alice

You’re a doll

**Alice**

I’ve been told I’m rather fabulous

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Remus**

Hey Caradoc!

**Caradoc**

Hey you!

Looking forward to getting totally lashed tonight?

Lol

**Remus**

Yeh

Should be fun

I was just wondering though

Would it be ok

If I met you there

Rather than come to yours beforehand

**Caradoc**

I mean yeh

If you want

Although does that mean youre going to be lame and turn up sober?

**Remus**

No

It would just be easier for me

To meet you there

**Caradoc**

Suit yourself Lupin

**Remus**

I’ll see you there then?

Would be great to catch up

I’ll buy you a drink

**Caradoc**

If you say so

**Remus**

Ok

Well I’ll see you later then

\-----------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Lils**

Ladies

Would one of you be able to do me a favour?

**Als**

Sure

Whats up?

**Lils**

Can you bring my black cord skirt

To the bar pls

**Dorky**

Yeh course

But I thought you were wearing that sequin mini

**Marls**

Your legs look banging in the sequin one  
  


**Lils**

Sev says that its too short

And that if I wear it with my pink top

I look slutty

:(

**Als**

What the fuck Lily??

That’s a joke right

**Lils**

No

Why?

**Dorky**

You can’t seriously be changing your outfit

(which has been previously approved as hot™)

Because some bloke

Doesn’t like how good you look in it

**Lils**

No!

I don’t think its that at all

He just pointed out

That it was a bit too much leg and cleavage all at once

**Marls**

This sounds dodgy Lils

He should NOT be telling you

what you can and cannot wear

**Als**

Am actually fuming!  
This is not good

**Lils**

Please don’t make a big deal

I’ll see if I can borrow some thick tights from one of his flatmates

Or something

See you in a bit

:)

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

Everything ok?

You’ve got a right mardy look on your face

**Siriusly**

I’m fine

Its just

Re and I were outside

Chatting about feelings and shit

And it was all a bit tensiony

And there was this awkward silence

And I honestly think he was about to kiss me

And bloody FABIAN appears

Out of fucking thin air

**Jam**

Ah mate

Shitty timing

**Siriusly**

Literally could not have been worse

Re jumped like 6 foot in the air

And we had to do the whole

How are you

Yeh I’m fine

So good to see you

OMG and you

Crap

**Jam**

Never fear Padfoot

I’ve got you

Wingman Prongs to the rescue!

**Siriusly**

That does not fill me

With confidence

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Pads

I am so sorry

I didn’t know he was going to be here

And it’s the first time I’ve seen him since we broke up

I couldn’t ignore him

Although I really REALLY wanted to

**Pads**

Moons don’t worry

I get it

It was good to see him

Where are you?

We’re near the back

By the ridiculous GoT throne

I’ve saved you a space

Next to me

**Moons**

Thanks love

Am at the bar

Want a drink?

Jaegarbomb?

**Pads**

Yes please!

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Siriusly**

This does not represent

Good value for money

Wingman wise

**Jam**

I’m sO sorry!

I panicked

I thought better the devil you know

You know?

**Siriusly**

Yes

But Fab is not the one we need to worry about!

Rem has already been there done that

Its fucking Caradoc

And his bloody

Down in one down in one

Cronies

**Jam**

:(

But you love DIO DIO DIO

**Siriusly**

Yes

But not when

The bloke

Who’s trousers I’m trying to get in to

Is off galivanting with them

While I’m stuck

Talking to his ex-boyfriend

And your rowing mates!

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

Where you at?

You still with Caradoc?

**Moons**

Yes I’m so sorry

I promised him I’d have a drink with him

I don’t want to be total dick

Do you mind?

**Pads**

No course not

Will be waiting

Maybe we could head home

In a bit

Before the others?

Re?

Its been nearly an hour 

Phones nearly out of battery

I’ll stay with Fabian and his lot

So you know where I am

:)

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Pete**

@Sirius

@James

WTF are you?

**James**

I’m doing shots

With the squash lads

In the garden

They are surprisingly game

**Alice**

Get your arses inside

Caradoc is completely rat arsed

And tried to come on to Remus

And when Remus told him no

He grabbed him and tried to kiss him

So Remus pushed him

And Caradoc punched him in the fucking face

**Pete**

Guys we think his nose is broken

**James**

On my way

**Marlene**

I swear to God

I am going to END him

**\------------------------------**

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

Mate he’s pretty upset

He’s asking for you

_Message not delivered_

**Jam**

Fuck!

Where the fucking fuck are you?

_Message not delivered_

**\------------------------------**

**Private Message**

**Marlene**

Sirius I think he needs to go to hospital

But he says he won’t leave without you

_Message not delivered_

\---------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Alice**

Has anyone seen @Sirius??

**James**

No!

I can’t find him anywhere

**Pete**

I’ll check the loos

**Dorcas**

Me and Lils will check upstairs

**Marlene**

Remus has disappeared too

I’m guessing they found each other

Might have gone home?

**James**

Ahh that makes sense

Panic over guys

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

Go on Padfoot!

Don that armour

And be that shining knight

_Message not delivered_

**Jam**

Remember

No Glove, No Love!

_Message not delivered_

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Alice**

Good morning campers

It is I

Death

**Marlene**

Oh sweet mother of God

If I don’t make it

Never forget I loved you all

**Dorcas**

I fell asleep on the couch

With a slice of pizza

On my chest

**Pete**

I just threw up the colour blue

**Lily**

At least you have breakfast in bed

I think I’m going to perish

Lying here

Naked in bed

With just one sock on

**James**

I feel fine

I’m watching Pokemon rn

its fantastic

But talking about naked

;) ;)

Can I hear the dulcet tones

Of Mr Remus John Lupin

Drifting through the partition wall

From Padfoot’s room

**Remus**

No

You can hear Fabian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Better try and fix this!

**Sirius’ Phone**

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Pete**

@Sirius

@James

WTF are you?

**James**

I’m doing shots

With the squash lads

In the garden

They are surprisingly game

**Alice**

Get your arses inside

Caradoc is completely rat arsed

And tried to come on to Remus

And when Remus told him no

He grabbed him and tried to kiss him

So Remus pushed him

And Caradoc punched him in the fucking face

**Pete**

Guys we think his nose is broken

**James**

On my way

**Marlene**

I swear to God

I am going to END him

**Alice**

Has anyone seen @Sirius??

**James**

No!

I can’t find him anywhere

**Pete**

I’ll check the loos

**Dorcas**

Me and Lils will check upstairs

**Marlene**

Remus has disappeared too

I’m guessing they found each other

Might have gone home?

**James**

Ahh that makes sense

Panic over guys

**\------------------------------**

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

Mate he’s pretty upset

He’s asking for you

Fuck!

Where the fucking fuck are you?

Go on Padfoot!

Don that armour

And be that shining knight

Remember

No Glove, No Love!

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Marlene**

Sirius I think he needs to go to hospital

But he says he won’t leave without you

\---------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Yes please

I'm totally done with this 

Caradoc is being a total twat about me leaving

Every time I try to go another fucking shot appears

I literally threw the last one over my shoulder

And he didn’t even realise

Lets go home and watch Aladdin and cuddle

Pads can you come to the bar downstairs pls?

Caradoc punched me and my nose is bleeding 

The others are all fussing me but tbh I just want you to take me home 

_Incoming call from Pads_

_Declined_

_Incoming call from Pads_

_Declined_

_Incoming call from Pads_

_Declined_

**Pads**

Remus please!

Nothing happened I swear!

_Incoming call from Pads_

_’Hi this is Remus! I’m not around at the mo but if you want to leave a message go right ahead!’_

  
**Pads**

Fuck!

\---------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Siriusly**

James he won’t answer!

I think he’s turned his phone off

What tf do I do??

**Jam**

I don’t know Sirius

And at this point

I don’t think you deserve any help

What the fuck were you thinking??

**Siriusly**

I wasn’t thinking!

It’s just

He said he’d come back

And then he didn’t 

And I don’t know

I just presumed he’d gone off with Caradoc

And I was drunk and upset and pissed off

**Jam**

Are you even listening to yourself?

’I presumed he’d gone off with Caradoc’

Does that sound like a Remus move?

And even if he had

It would have been your fucking fault for pussying around feeling sorry for yourself

Rather than just telling him how you felt when you KNEW he felt the same

  
**Siriusly**

You think I don’t know this??

James I need to fix this

**Jam**

Honestly

I don’t know if you can

Sirius

He’s devastated 

FFS it just HAD to be Fabian didn’t it  
  


**Siriusly**

Nothing happened!

I swear

I was never going to do anything

We were chatting

And he mentioned never having seen some stupid fucking film

So I said to come back to ours and watch it 

And he ended up falling asleep

So I left him to it 

And slept on the floor

Just

The idea of Remus

With Caradoc doing God’s knows what

I literally felt my heart shatter

**Jam**

Nope

You can keep your bullshit excuses

I can’t even talk to you right now

\---------------------------  
 **Worming Tablets**

**Padfoot**

Do you know where Moony is?

**Wormtail**

No

And even if I did

I am 100% sure 

He doesn’t want to talk to you

**Padfoot**

Please Pete

I know I’ve royally fucked up

But nothing happened!

**Wormtail**

That’s not the point

And you know it

\---------------------------

**Private Message**

**Sirius**

Marlene

Please please tell me Re is with you?

I need to speak to him

**Marlene**

No

He won't answer any of us

**Sirius**

Shit

Marlene

I know I have no right to ask this

But what do I do??

**Marlene**

You do nothing

You leave him the fuck alone

Until he's ready to talk to you

**Sirius**

I can't!

I need to explain

**Marlene**

For once you need to stop thinking about yourself

I wouldn't be surprised if he hates you

**Sirius**

Not as much as I hate myself

\------------------------

**Private Message**

**Fabian**

Remus

I know it seems like

what Black did was a total dick move

But honest to God

nothing happened

He just asked if I wanted to come and watch Clockwork Orange

And I was so pissed

It seemed like a good idea

I passed out on his bed

He slept on the floor

**Remus**

Totally irrelevant

I get the being drunk

I get the wanting to piss me off

I don't get propositioning my ex boyfriend to do it

**Fabian**

I don't know what to tell you Rem

Nothing happened

Literally nothing

And that wasn't for lack of me trying btw

Which I only did because I was pissed

And lets be fair 

Black's really fit

He obviously really likes you

He rang begging me to talk to you

I'm pretty sure he was crying

**Remus**

Fuck off Fabian

\------------------------------

**Mummy ❤️**

**Remus**

Mum, Is it ok if I come home for the week? 

It's reading week, so I don't have any lectures

**Mum**

Of course cariad

It will be lovely to have you home, although wouldn't you rather stay with your friends?

**Remus**

No, I just want to come home

I've had a fight with Sirius and just want to be at home for a bit

**Mum**

Oh sweetheart

That's not like you two, what happened?

**Remus**

Nothing to worry about, he's just done something that's annoyed me

**Mum**

Ok, if you think it will help

i'll send over the money for your ticket

Let us know you plans and either Dad or I will pick you up from the station

**Remus**

Thanks mum xx

**Mum**

Love you xx

\------------------------------

**Wolfbucks**

**Rem**

Hey Prongs

Sorry for disspearing

Alhtough I think 

the 110 (!) messages you sent

was slightly OTT

**Jamie**

Moony!

Thank God

I've been really worried about you

Where were you??

**Rem**

Library 

Wanted to be somewhere quiet

**Jamie**

Fair enough

Moony mate

I'm so sorry about last night

I feel really guilty that you went home

On your own

I wish you'd told me

I would have come with you

How's you nose?

**Rem**

It's fine

Got a bit of a black eye

James

I'm just so embarrassed

And not just about being beaten up by fucking Caradoc

But the whole Sirius thing

I can't believe I actually let myself think

He was interested

And i'm really sorry 

That I didn't tell you about things

**Jamie**

Remus please don't do this

First off

Sirius doesn't get to decide your worth

You are literally the best human being I've ever met

and I SWEAR

Sirius does like you

Like proper like

And I think he has for a long time

**Rem**

Well he has a very funny way of showing it

Fabian, James!

**Jamie**

I know I know

But you do realise nothing actually happened

**Rem**

Yeh I know

They both told me that

**Jamie**

You beliebe them right?

**Rem**

Yes

I mean

Sirius never lies

So I have no reason not to

And I hate myself for it

But I know him so well

That I know what was probably his though process 

For the whole thing

**Jamie**

Yeh me too

Padfoot has never been good with feelings and shit

But it doesn't excuse his behaviour

**Rem**

No 

It doesn't

And I think what hurts even more

Is that he automatically presumed I'd fuck off and left him

James I nearly kissed him

When we were talking outside

**Jamie**

:(

He said

I don't know what to say

He really loves you Remus

**Rem**

Tough

At the moment

I don't want to talk to him

I'm gonna head home for the week

**Jamie**

Ok mate

I'm here though

If you want to talk

I know me and Sirius lark around etc

But I've always got you back

**Rem**

Cheers Prongs


	17. Chapter 17

**Double P's**

**Potter**

Wormy 

Have just dropped Rem off at the station

Want to go to the leaky for a pint?

In about 15?

**Petey**

👍

**Potter**

Amazeballs

**Petey**

Padfoot?

**Potter**

Ergh Pete

I don't know

**Petey**

Me neither

What a monumental cock up

**Potter**

Understatement

And Moony was doing the whole

'don't let this change things with you and Pads' bit

In the car

I swear that bloke is too nice for his own good

**Petey**

As a wise man once said

Understatment

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Marls**

Just had THE most depressing drink

In the pub with the lads

**Lils**

Oh dear

Was it super awkward??

**Marls**

Not awkward

Because Rem's fucked off home for the week

But the other three just sat there

In total silence

**Lils**

Even Potter??

**Marls**

Even Potter

I thought i'd never see the day

We're sitting there

Not talking to each other

And Sirius just bursts in to tears

And we're not talking a graceful weep

With a silent tear running down his face

We're talking a proper wail

And then he just ups and leaves

**Als**

Oh dear...

I almost feel sorry for him

And then I remember Remus

Asking for him

With blood running down his face

And I just sort of want to kick him in the balls

**Dorky**

For Christ sakes

What is even going on with those two atm??

**Als**

They're totes in love with each other

**Marls**

They would very much like 

to get down to

some aggressive cuddling

**Lils**

That actually makes perfect sense

Man they'd make a good looking couple

**Dorky**

No wonder Sirius is so heartbroken!

I mean

I wouldn't say no to a bit of Remus Lupin

He looks like the quiet type

But also

BDE

**Als**

God yes

**Marlene**

ANYWAY

Rem's probable sizeable appendage aside

I am now in need of cheering up

Who would like the honour?

**Als**

ME

Lets go ice skating

**Marls**

Al coming in right off the bat

with a very strong first contender

who's in?

**Dorky**

One conditions

We get slushies

**Lils**

Umm

obviously we're getting slushies

**Als**

Whoo!

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**James**

This is becoming a horrible running theme

But does anyone know 

Where @sirius is...?

**Dorcas**

Not this nonsense again

No, no idea

He's not here

Unless he's up with you Al?

**Alice**

Nope

**James**

Well this is a clusterfuck

He wasn't home when P and I got back

And his bed had def not been slept in

**Marls**

Where else would he go?

I REALLY don't want to be the bitch

Who suggests

I don't even want to say it

**James**

No don't

He won't have done

**Lily**

I actually agree

Which is an Event

**James**

Want to come and help me look for him Evans?

**Lily**

Don't push your luck potter

**Pete**

If you two are done

With what ever this is

Can we please actually try and find him?

**Dorcas**

@sirius

@sirius

@sirius

@sirius

@sirius

**Pete**

That's quite enough of that

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Where are you?

The others are looking

And I am loathed to admit it

But now i'm worried

You better not have done anything stupid

**Pads**

Oh my God Remus

You're talking to me

Re I'm so sorry

I was such a fucking idiot

But nothing happened

I swear it

And it nothing was ever going to happen

Please please believe me

**Moons**

I do believe you

But at the moment

I'm not ready to talk to you

**Pads**

That's fine

But does that mean at some point

You will talk to me?

**Moons**

You know the answer to that

Where are you?

**Pads**

I'm at home

I have been all night

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Remus**

Check my room

**James**

Panic over

We found him

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

Next time 

It would be helpful to actually reply

You nearly gave Pete an aneurysm

You know he has a delicate constitution

**Siriusly**

Sorry

Everyone hates me now don't they

**Jam**

No Sirius

Everyone doesn't hate you

We're all just a bit confused

As to why you did it

**Siriusly**

He texted me

This morning

**Jam**

That's good

Isn't it?

**Siriusly**

I guess

Says he not ready to talk to me yet though

**Jam**

Please then Padfoot

For all that is good and holy

Let him have that

Don't go and start making crazy ass gestures

**Siriusly**

I won't

I'm sad Jamie

**Jam**

I know

Is that why you slept in his bed?

**Siriusly**

Yeh

**Jam**

Do you want to come and drink tea

And help me with my dolphin cross stitch?

**Siriusly**

Yes please

\------------------------------

**Mummy ❤️**

**Mum**

Hope you are having a good time with Bethan, what time do you think you'll be home?

**Remus**

I was just thinking about leaving, so maybe about 20 minutes?

**Mum**

Gwych, I have done you pork chops for you tea, Dad and I will be back about 10 so call if you need anything

**Rem**

Yum! Will do

**Mum**

You've got a letter too, I've put it on your bed


	18. Chapter 18

Dear Remus,

The contents of this letter are long overdue, but you know me, I've never been good at talking about my emotions. A Really grand over the top gesture Would have been more my style, if only so I could hide behind the bravado of it all, but for once I need to think about someone other than myself, really its never been more imperative that I do so. 

I've realised that fighting with someone you love is in essence hurting yourself because they are a part of you. And that's exactly how I feel. I love you. Not I fancy you or I like _like_ you or even I wouldn't mind getting a leg over (although I definitely would not be adverse to getting my leg over you, or your leg over me, whatever works for you, but that's getting off topic, sorry.) I love you. I'm so far gone for you that on some days I think I might actually self combust.

And therein lies the problem; its makes it so much harder to apologise for my behaviour if i'm to persuade you that the above is true. The go to 'I was drunk and wasn't thinking' doesn't cut it. I know that. Doubting you has to be top of the list of worst things I've ever done. Not only has it hurt you but it implies that I don't trust you, which I do, implicitly. I don't know why jealously makes me lash out and change my behaviour but it's something I recognise I need to change. The thing is Re, I honestly don't think I can do it without your help. I don't want to write you a letter full of impersonal clichés but you DO make me a better person, or, to put it more bluntly, you're the only person I'll listen to, not just because i'm stubborn as shit but because I've realised you're the only person whose opinion of me I care about. 

You're the only person in the whole world that can lift my spirits when i'm sad by giving me one, single hug. You're the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of when I go to sleep, and every second in between and no matter what i'm occupied with, whatever scheme i'm cooking up with Prongs, whatever faceless girl i'm chatting up on the dance floor, even when I'm getting thoroughly invested in my latest craze (it's cross stitch btw - James let me help with his dolphin!) I will always have that little compartment tucked safely away in my mind that is occupied by you. The idea that you don't think you're worthy of me, Remus, it makes me feel physically sick. I don't know what happened to make you think that way, but there is no excuse now. Let me tell you again: I love you. 

You've always been special; the first time I met you the four of us were standing in that grotty kitchen and I trying so hard to act cool, I wanted impress these new people I was going to be sharing my life with. Then your mum came in to say goodbye and you walked over to her and bent down to give her a hug and kissed on the cheek, telling her you'd miss her, you didn't give a single fuck about what 3 teenage boys might think. You weren't trying to be cool, you weren't pretending you were something you were not, you were just being Remus and I thought 'Wow.' I wish now i'd known how to address what looking back was clearly romantic feelings for you but I didn't know how to process them, and then a few months later you met Fabian and although a small piece of my heart shattered you were so happy, what else could I be but happy too. 

There's been lots of things over the past two years that have made me fall for you more and more but what really did it was that one time you laughed so hard that chocolate milk came out your nose. I realised it was love right then and there. 

I'm not entirely sure what i'm hoping to achieve with this letter. Some semblance of forgiveness perhaps and some assertion that you maybe feel the same way. Hell, I don't even know for certain that you carry any feelings for me that aren't platonic. What I do know is that I have never met a better person than you and I can't imagine I ever will, ever. I would do anything to make you mine, to be yours, but to lose your friendship Moons, I think i'd be miserable for the rest of my life. 

Forever yours, 

Sirius

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Call me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all can forgive Sirius (and me!) now


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found this REALLY hard to write so if it's awful/you have any constructive criticism then shout it at me!  
> Back to texting tomorrow :)

_Incoming call from Pads_

Hi

**Hi Re**

So, you're in to cross stitch now hey?

**Ha!**

**Yeh**

**Prongs let me help do the inside of the dolphin**

**and not to blow my own trumpet or anything**

**but I was really...I was r-really good a-at it**

Oh Sirius, please don't cry

**I thought you'd never speak to me again**

**I thought this was it**

**Remus I just can't bear it**

**I can't bear the idea of things being different between us now**

**I've ruined everything**

Sirius calm down please!

Look

I was really pissed off

but it's fine

nothings ruined

**Really?**

Really

**I don't know what to say**

**Did you read the whole thing?**

Yeh

**Yeh?**

Yeh

**Do you believe me?**

I suppose so

**You suppose so?**

**Bloody hell Re**

**I literally poured my heart and soul in to that letter**

**and in reponse**

**I get**

**I suppose so**

**Look**

**i'm not after a declaration of love**

**or even for you to accept my apology**

**all i want is for you to believe me**

Believe what?

**That I love you you dipstick**

Oh 

Ok

I can't believe you said it out loud

**Well**

**I did**

**you're just going to have to deal with it**

Alright stroppy

But

You can have one you know

If you want

**Have what?**

A declaration of love

**Oh**

Yeh

**Can I have it now?**

Umm

sure

...

**Remus it really doesn't matter**

**I don't want you to say it**

**because you feel you have to**

**or because this is excruciatingly awkward**

It really is isn't it

**God yes**

**Just knowing that its not all gone to shit**

**and that youre talking to me**

**is enough for me**

Well its not for me

i just want it to sound genuine

and you know

i find it hard to turn the sarcasm off 

**Ha!**

But Sirius

when it comes down to it

its always been you

and im sorry I never made it clear before

**Oh shit**

**not coping well with all these emotions today**

Oh God 

now i'm crying

we have to make a deal that we never tell Prongs or Wormy about this

**Deal deal**

**I promise**

**I promise**

**I will never pull a stunt like Saturday again**

You better bloody promise

**I do**

**I promise Re**

Yeh

Ok

I'm trying really hard

to take this at face value

but i just need to say it

are you

**Don't even try telling me**

**that there is someone in this world**

**that you think would be a better match for me**

**than you are**

How did you know what i was going to say?

**Because funnily enough**

**Remus Jhosabeth Lupin**

**I know excatly how your mind works**

Jhosabeth

thats a new one

**Thought id try it out**

**feedback?**

Haha!

Its probably a no from me babe

...

Pads?

**Yeh sorry sorry**

**I'm here**

**a no for the old Jhosabeth**

Right

We doing this then?

I mean

I don't want to rush head first in to things

but it has been pointed out to me

that quite a lot of what we do

is not hashtag no homo

so we might as well get on with it

call a spade a spade etc etc

**What a romantic you are Rem**

**I can't believe you actually said the word hashtag**

**and i can think of several things you can do**

**with your spade**

Fucking hell Padfoot

Is this what I've got to look forward to

having you as a boyfriend

**I'd say no**

**but we both know thats a lie**

**I can't believe you called me your boyfriend**

**proper surreal**

I know

Its probably been a long time coming 

hasn't it

**You do know we're going to have to deal with Prongs**

And Marlene & Alice

God they're all going to be annoyingly smug

**Well i can think of a few things**

**we can do**

**to wipe the smirks off their faces**

Sirius!

Jesus Christ you're a liability

**Yeh**

**but i'm your liability now**

Yeh

You are

I better go

I thought maybe i'd come back tomorrow

**Yeh**

**I'd love that**

**Want me to pick you up from the station?**

Nah you're good

I don't have much stuff to carry

**Let me rephrase**

**As you boyfriend**

**I would very much like**

**to pick you up from the station**

Well

when you put it like that

I would love you to pick me up

I'll text when I know the time

**Fab**

**Can't wait to see you**

Yeh

me too

**I love you Re**

**Like so much**

**it's actually a bit embarassing**

Love you too Pads

See you tomorrow

**Bye Moony**

Bye Love

\-----------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Just so you know

Your leg over mine

Or my leg over yours

I'm easy 

;)

**Pads**

OMFG

You can't send me stuff like that

Just before i'm getting in to (your) bed

**Moons**

Sleep tight Pads

**Pads**

I hate you

**Moons**

No you don't

You love me

**Pads**

*sigh*

That I do Re

That I do


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed the rating of this to M, mainly due to the excessive amounts of swearing and the possibility of some smutty goings on at some point. Will always warn you first in the chapter notes though if you want to avoid it.

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**James**

Ladies

Are you around tonight??

Its time to PARTAY

**Dorcas**

Absolutely inexcusable use of the word partay aside

I'm in

Any particular reason?

or just for shits and giggles

**James**

ANY PARTICULAR REASON

I'll give you one reason

REMUS IS COMING HOME

I'm so excited

Although not as excited as Padfoot

Who has spent the last hour

doing and redoing his hair

**Sirius**

Prongs can you not!

**Pete**

Is that ANOTHER outfit change there Padfoot

That's at least 3 now

**Sirius**

Shut UP pete

**Remus**

Not that i'm not pleased

that you're pleased i'm coming back

but I don't think

being gone 5 days

warrants a full on party

**James**

But I missed you!

I can't wait to squeeze your chubby cheeks

And have you pat my head semi affectionately

**Sirius**

Umm

no-one will be squeezing Moony's cheeks

without my express permission

**Lily**

Aaaahhh

I see

You two sorted your shit out

**Sirius**

If by shit

you mean

admitted

how much we ardently admire and love each other

then yes

**Marlene**

Alright Jane

And yes to tonight

**James**

Excellent

The theme is *Remus Lupin*

**Alice**

So what...

we sit in silence

wearing oversized jumpers

occasionally throwing out a sarcastic comment

and throw covert looks Sirius' way?

**Remus**

I feel

I feel totally called out

**Sirius**

AHH REM

Did you used to glance longingly across the room at me??

Don't worry

I got you

You can glance all you want now

they won't be the only thing that's long

if you get what I mean

**James**

Firstly

eyyyyy ;) ;)

secondly

I don't know why you're so smug Padfoot

you used to stare

blatantly

**Marlene**

It's true

sometimes you actually dribbled

**Sirius**

And not just from my mouth

**Lily**

Oh Jesus wept

I would like to propose

that we keep this chat very much

SFW

to save on the nightmares

**Pete**

Seconded

**Alice**

All in favour say aye!

**Dorcas**

aye!

**Marlene**

aye!

**James**

Boring

but I suppose I can always get it first hand

AYE!

**Remus**

Don't be such a perv Potter

aye.

**Marlene**

Sirius...

**Sirius**

I promise nothing

**Remus**

Sirius...

**Sirius**

oh fine

aye

**Remus**

Good dog

;)

**Lily**

Remus!

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

Am in station

:)

**Moons**

You do know

the train doesn't get it

until 15:45

**Pads**

Yeh I know

Didn't want to be late though!

**Moons**

You're too cute

Which exit are you at?

**Pads**

No

I mean I am literally 

In the station

As in on the platform

your train arrives at

**Moons**

How did you get past

the terrifying guard

with the glass eye??

**Pads**

Well Moony mine

I have been exceptionally clever

I went to the ticket office 

and asked for the cheapest return ticket they sell

so I could get through the barrier

its to Musselburgh btw

£2.90

Journey time 6 minutes

**Moons**

Only you

would do something

quite so excessive

**Pads**

I wanted to be able to meet you off the train

like in the films and shit

**Moons**

I don't want to sound ungrateful

because that is super super sweet

but

**Pads**

Don't worry your pretty like head Moons

I'm not going to make a scene

Just figured it was a boyfriendy 

thing to do

want to start things off on the right foot

etc

**Moons**

brb

heart imploding

\------------------------------

**Operation Rip the Plaster**

**Sirius**

Alice i'm so nervous

Help!

**James**

Don't be nervous!

I can help!

Did you buy the flowers?

Are you going to ravish him when he gets off the train?

OMG what happens if you swoon

and fall on to the railway line

and die a tragic death!

Padfoot don't die!

Oh wait

It's fine

the train will be in the way

you might get a concussion though!

**Sirius**

Oh not you again

**Alice**

wth Potter?

way to instil calm

**James**

How can i be calm

it's Remus and Sirius Alice

REMUS AND SIRIUS

**Alice**

James

I regret to inform you

that you contract with Operation Rip the Plaster

has been terminated

**James**

What?? No!

 _ **Alice** _ _removed **James** from the group_

 **_Alice_ ** _changed the nickname for **Operation Rip the Plaster** to **A Good Pear**_

**Alice**

Much better

**Sirius**

I'm so nervous

How do I act??

Like do I go in for a kiss

Or is that a bit OTT

What happens if I go in for a kiss

and he things i'm going in for a manly back slap

and I shrivel up and die

of embarassment

right there on the platform

**Alice**

Unless you also

want to be binned

I suggest you calm tf down

**Sirius**

:(

Help me

**Alice**

Siri its Remus

It'll be fine

I would DEF go for kiss btw

**Sirius**

Right ok

A nice chaste brushing of the old lips

affectionate

rather than friendly

**Alice**

Unless you define friendly as 

later I hope your going

to stick your tongue down my throat

**Sirius**

You get me

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Marly**

You back??

**Remy**

Yup

about an hour

S picked me up from the station

**Marly**

Cuuuuuuute

Did you have a emosh reunion 

on the platform??

**Remy**

Umm

sort of I guess

He was waiting with these

**Marly**

WOAH!

They're gorgeous!

I'm well jel

**Remy**

I know!

Because I am obvs romatically inept

I had nothing

so panicked

and asked if he wanted a bite

of my double decker

which I had in pocket

**Marly**

I bet you did

You saucy minx

But on to the main event

Did you kiss?

Passionately?

**Remy**

We did not

I *think* he went in for a kiss

but his head was all at the wrong angle

and as we previously mentioned

because I am romantically incompetent

I laughed 

and we ended up doing some awkward nose/cheek nuzzinling thing

twas not the best

**Marly**

brb 

my sides have split

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Dorky**

Ok

I admit

they make an ADORABLE couple

**Als**

OMG

Right??

Sirius looks SO pleased with himself

**Marly**

The whole time

we were sitting at the table

I'm pretty sure R was running his foot 

up S's leg

he kept knocking me with his knees

**Lils**

Bless them

Although

slightly scarred from when I came out the loo

and walked in to them 

necking on the landing

I mean

they were proper going for it

**Als**

Ahh

Young love

\--------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Alice**

I see we got over

the should I kiss him

should I not 

internal dilema

**Sirius**

Sorry can't talk

Too busy snogging my boyfriend

**Alice**

**:)**

**\------------------------------**

**My Ride or Die**

**Siriusly**

James what the fuck??

why is my bedside table drawer

filled with about a gazillion condoms

and tubes of lube??

**Jam**

Ahh good

you found them

**Siriusly**

IT WASN'T ME WHO FOUND THEM

I asked Moony to pass me my glasses!

And he found them!

He probably thinks 

i'm some sort of crazed sex maniac now!

**Jam**

Oooo

If he's there

tell him I've done his drawer too!

**Siriusly**

There is something seriously wrong with you

**Jam**

Remember

You can't go wrong, when you shield your dong!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points if you can spot the Jane Austen quote...


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’m late guys! I’ve spent the day reading rubywallace25’s Messrs Padfoot and Moony Are Proud to Present a Series of Romantic Disasters series and I have ZERO regrets

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**James**

Good morning friends

Please find below

your daily Blupin update

**Lily**

Oh my God Potter

Can you please stop!

**James**

What?

I'm celebrating my homies love

**Lily**

Well celebrate it without me

**Marlene**

At least its better

than yesterdays picture

of just their feet

I swear I felt uncomfortable

for the rest of the day

And anyway

I thought we'd decided on Wolfstar

not Blupin?

**James**

I like Blupin

**Lily**

You're the only one who does

Blupin sounds ridiculous

**Dorcas**

Have to agree

Blupin sounds like

a brand of toilet cleaner

**James**

:(

**Sirius**

Never mind Jam

If it makes you feel any better

I was #teamBlupin

**Remus**

I still don't see

why we have to have a name?

**James**

The Blupin's are up!

**Marlene**

That's because you're an old man Rem

All the cool couples have ship names

**Remus**

What?

Actually don't worry

I literally don't give a fuck

Prongs where are you?

Want a bacon sarnie?

**James**

Ooo yes please

Just omw back 

from the gym

**Remus**

@pete?

you want?

**Pete**

Nah i'm good

have got bio at 10

**James**

I'll grab coffees

cut my fat off please!

**Sirius**

What do you think this is?

amateur hour?

**James**

Cheers bb

can't wait to come eat bacon

and third wheel 

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

Oh Remus

**Moons**

What's up?

**Pads**

Just sitting here

alone and bereft

wondering to myself

is my boyfriend

even my boyfriend

if he doesn't even sext me?

**Moons**

I thought you were in lit??

**Pads**

Oh I am

**Moons**

Sirius

I'm not sexting you

while you're sat in 

French Literature

**Pads**

You know remus

Before you

I was going to bed at 10pm

sleeping like a dream

and waking up with

with no morning wood

this is your fault

**Moons**

Sorry babe

although

what happened

to taking it slow?

**Pads**

Yeh

Screw that

**Moons**

I know something

you can screw

**Pads**

OMG 

its happening

**Moons**

I'm lying in bed

wishing you were here with me

**Pads**

GOD

me too

**Moons**

I'm rolling on to my front

grinding my hips down

wishing you were underneath me

**Pads**

Fuck this is hot

**Moons**

Before rolling back over

sitting up 

and getting out of bed

because i'm not fucking sexting you

while you're in a lecture

**Pads**

WHAT??

NO!

**Moons**

Tell you what

If you're a good boy

and listen carefully

in your lecture

**Pads**

Yeh...

**Moons**

I'll come up and meet you after

and we can go and feed the ducks

**Pads**

Oh

Well

I would actually very much

like to do that

Can we have waitrose sushi?

**Moons**

We can

**Pads**

Yay!

Love you

Even if you are 

a giant tease

**Moons**

Nah

You're just too easy to rile up

Anyway

Gonna go and have a wank in the shower

see you in a bit!

**Pads**

!!!!!!!

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Alice**

Can you stop

squirming!!

What the hell is wrong with you??

**Sirius**

Nothing

Now

if you'll excuse me

i'm trying to listen to

The Legend of Tristan and Iseult

**Alice**

Stop!

Flitwick keep looking at us

**Sirius**

I'm trying!

**Alice**

Well try harder

OMG

**Sirius**

I'm sorry!

I'm having issues

In my gentleman's area

**Alice**

PLS don't tell me

Remus is sexting you

during this 

decidedly non-erotic

lecture

**Sirius**

Don't talk to me about that harlot

**Alice**

Hahaha!

Someone needs to go home

and get laid

to sort out

their little problem

**Sirius**

Oy!

I think you'll find

that it's a very BIG problem  
  


**Alice**

Oh of course

to sort out

their ENORMOUS problem

**Sirius**

Thanking you

Maybe if could get laid

I wouldn't be a problem

in the first place

**Alice**

Ah

this convo

is def one to TBC 

later

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Am outside

Just across from the chem labs

**Pads**

Will be 5 mins

**Moons**

How's the hard on?

**Pads**

Watch it you

**Moons**

You're so cute

why you're trying to be mad

**Pads**

I think you'll find Moonymine

That I am ALWAYS cute

**Moons**

Yeh

You are

:)

Have just seen Lily's boyf

Said hello

And nothing

Not even a cursory glance

**Pads**

Intensely rude

I am not a fan

**Moons**

Me neither

I though maybe he was just

the quiet type

but no

I think he's actually just a dick

**Pads**

I wish she'd give Prongs a go

**Moons**

Yes

but Prongs acts like

a grade A twat 

around her

**Pads**

I know

whenever she's around

his ability to act

like a normal human being

just evaporates

in to the ether

**Moons**

Yup

He needs to chill his beans

I see you

Fuck I love you in that leather jacket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this getting boring? I’m worried it’s getting boring BUT I do have ideas for Halloween and Sirius’ birthday coming up.


	22. Chapter 22

**A Good Pear**

**Alice**

Right then Black

Let's have it

**Sirius**

AAAAAHHHHH!

Basc

After our v emotional and heartfelt reunion

we had a very 

Grown Up Chat

and decided

not to plow straight in to

**Alice**

PLOW

😂😂😂

**Sirius**

NO LAUGHING

**Alice**

Sry sry

do continue

**Sirius**

THANK you

we decided not to

rush in to

sex and stuff

and you know what Rem's like

he barely believed that I could be interested

as it was

and I figured this would be another way

I could show him how sirius

I am about everything

**Alice**

That is actually extremely sweet

so

no sexy times at all

**Sirius**

Nope

and i'm DYING

because I've seen the goods

and i'm not gonna lie

its kind of a Big Dill

**Alice**

Can I please

start calling Remus

Big. Dill.

**Sirius**

You may not.

Although maybe I should

you think it would get him going?

**Alice**

Takes all sort

I say you give it a go!

Anyway

surely Lupin not gonna hold out

I mean

he's been getting it on the reg

for the past 2 years

**Sirius**

Yes

please do remind me

how much more experienced

my hot boyfriend is

in the art of gay sex

**Alice**

well its true isn't it!

just saying

I reckon he's waiting for you

to make the first move

in the actual bedroom

I mean

he was obvs sexting your earlier

**Sirius**

Well that's just it

he flirts hard

all the time

and oh my god

the mouth on that boy

but when we go to bed

he turns all snuggly

and i'm weak for a snuggly Remus Lupin

**Alice**

You know

I think there's only one thing for it

**Sirius**

What??

**Alice**

You're gonna have to jump him

\------------------------------

**We Who Cannot Be Named**

**Prongs**

How were the ducks??

Was that white one there??

**Padfoot**

Yes!

He's my fav

With his little yellow beak

**Wormtail**

Did you save him

the best bits of bread?

**Padfoot**

Pete

Although traditionally

many people feed bread to ducks

it is now apparent that it's not a good food source

**Wormtail**

Oh ok

**Padfoot**

Bread isn't particularly nutritious

and while the bread itself isn't dangerous

it means the ducks get full up

and are therefore likely to eat

natural sources of nutritious food

which keeps them healthy

**Moony**

This means that over time

ducks fed on bread

can become malnourished

and even overweight.

In the worst cases

bad malnutrition

can lead to deformed wings

which prevents ducks 

from being able to fly

**Wormtail**

What?

How do you know

so much about this?

**Moony**

Sirius made me read a book

and then do a quiz

:(

**Prongs**

What do you feed them them?

**Padfoot**

Rem helped me make duck flapjacks!

**Prongs**

Oh no

did you per chance

make a whole loads

and freeze them?

**Padfoot**

Yup

**Prongs**

Oh fucking hell

Me and Pete have been eating those!!

**Moony**

I KNEW there weren't enough

when I got them out yesterday

Prongs

they've got

like worm meal

and shit in them

**Wormtail**

I told you they tasted weird!!

**Prongs**

Well I didn't see 

you complaining

as you were scarfing them down! 

For the love of all that's holy

PLEASE

tell me worm meal

isn't what it sounds like

**Wormtail**

Please don't tell me

you don't mean

actual shit

**Moony**

Yes Pete

Pads and I

made flapjacks for ducks

and put actual shit in them

FFS

**Wormtail**

Don't have a go at me!

Why is everything that Padfoot does

always so fucking weird

I mean

who makes flapjacks

for fucking ducks

**Padfoot**

Hey!

**Moony**

Low blow

It's not his fault

You are Prongs ate them

**Prongs**

I've googled it

its actual worms

ACTUAL WORMS

Are me and Pete going to die?

**Padfoot**

I dunno

Maybe

**Wormtail**

FFS 

I can't be dealing with this

my breaks almost over

get your fucking flapjacks

out the fucking freezer

**Moony**

Just a thought Pete

maybe don't eat things

that aren't yours?

Oh yeah

and go fuck yourself

**Prongs**

I can't believe

I'm being taken out

by a duck's flapjack

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

Does everyone really

think everything I do

is weird?

**Moons**

Oh sugar

No

Pete's just being a

massive cockwomble

**Pads**

:(

**Moons**

You in your room?

**Pads**

Yeh

thought about having a bath

but now i'm worried

that its weird

that i'm male

and I like having baths

**Moons**

That is totally ridiculous

last time I checked

baths were universal

not gender specific

**Pads**

I suppose

**Moons**

Will it cheer you up

if I maybe

come in the bath too?

**Pads**

Remus Lupin

Are you suggesting

we embark

on some

maritime hanky panky?

**Moons**

I'm sure

something could be arranged

Did you just fall over

running to the bathroom??

**Pads**

No?

I was just checking

that gravity was still working

with my arse

It is btw

My arse hurts

:(

**Moons**

Well in that case

I better come

and check for potential bruising

**Pads**

I fell on my front too...

\-----------------------------

**We Who Cannot Be Named**

**Wormtail**

Lads

i'm really sorry

for being a world class dick

earlier

work was stressful

and I took it out on you

**Padfoot**

Good man wormy

no harm done

**Wormtail**

thx Padfoot

and I don't think you're weird

just a bit 

eccentric 

**Moony**

And i'm sorry 

I told you 

to go fuck yourself

that was uncalled for

**Wormtail**

Nah

it was

Anyway

omw home

wondered if any wanted Wilkos 

pick n mix?

**Moony**

YES

Wormtail you angel

**Pads**

Ooo

can we spent this evening

watching Pitch Perfect

and eating pick n mix?

**Wormtail**

Sounds good to me

Prongs not home??

**Moony**

No he is

he's just frantically looking up

whether it possible that

worm meal rehydrates

back in to actually worms

when digested

**Wormtail**

I see 

Lots of gummy worms

for Prongs then

\------------------------------

**Wolfbucks**

**Jamie**

You ok?

You're not singing

And you ALWAYS sing

**Rem**

No i'm good

**Jamie**

Ree-mus

**Rem**

Ugh

ok

but you have to PROMISE

not to make a big deal

**Jamie**

You know

I cannot do that

**Rem**

I figured

Basically

And I can't believe i'm saying this

I think I need sex advice

re:Padfoot

**Jamie**

OMG

I am ALL over this

Do you need to 

borrow my books??

**Rem**

Umm

Is that some kind of

horrific euphemism?

**Jamie**

What?

No!

I mean my books

on gay sex

my gay sex books

**Rem**

Well this has started off

worse than anticipated

why James?

**Jamie**

Well 

in first year

when you told us all

you were gay

I bought some books

so if you ever wanted

to you know

talk about stuff

then I would be able to help

**Rem**

I actually

don't know what to say

that is so nice

**Jamie**

No its not

its just what bros do

talk about sex and shit

didn't want to feel left out

or that you couldn't talk to me

**Rem**

I think

I might 

James!

 **Jamie**

Hush you

So Padfoot...

**Rem**

Ergh

its just

we've got a case of

all mouth and no trousers

if you see what I mean

no

that doesn't make sense

all mouth

and all the trousers

which are still on

even though 

I would very much like them not to be

**Jamie**

But I could hear you 

in the bath earlier

getting all frisky?

**Rem**

No

we were in the bath

but we were watching cat videos on youtube

we WERE going to get all frisky

but then

it comes to it

and I think we both freak out a bit

**Jamie**

Have you spoken to him?

**Rem**

I don't want to pressure him

we sort of decided to go slow

after everything

**Jamie**

Fair

**Rem**

But then

he sends sexy messages

and theres quite a bit of x-rated flirting

going on

**Jamie**

I had noticed

Go on

**Rem**

I'm worried hes waiting for me

to make the first move

but I don't want to make the first move

in case I end up pressuring him

in to something

he doesn't want to do

we're in some sort of

sexual stalemate

**Jamie**

You two are such plums

you're over thinking it

you're thinking 

that it has to be a huge deal

bells and whistles and all

when it really doesn't

**Rem**

You know Jam

that is bang on the mark

you're totally right

I know I love Sirius

but they'll always be a little part of me

that loves you too

**Jamie**

Love you to Moons

now go shag Padfoot senseless

and remember

Can your spam, before you bam your man!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, I have an explicit(ish) one-shot type scene that is written in prose which follows directly on from this chapter. I don't know whether to have it as part of this fic or to just upload it on its own - if anyone has a preference then let me know.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is smutty, but its fluffy smut. Flut? Smuff? Anyway, I hope its not too awful, I've never written anything like this before.

"Who ya texting?" Sirius asked, as he came sauntering back in to Remus' bedroom, his pyjamas slung low on his narrow hips, phone in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"Oh, its just mam," Remus answered, putting his phone face down on his bedside table, "Her and Dad want to take us out to dinner when they come visit in November." 

"Ooo we should take them to that place that does all the different types of pie. Lyall looks like a man who appreciates some hearty fare," Sirius suggested; Remus noticed that he looked pleased to have been included in his mum and dads plans. 

"You're not wrong," he agreed "C'mere." 

Sirius grinned as he wandered over to where Remus was sitting on the edge of the bed. Sirius went to bend down just as Remus went to stand and their heads collided awkwardly, "For fucks sake Rem, I was about to make my move," Sirius said, but he was still smiling. 

Remus stood fully, just a couple of inches taller, and cupped Sirius' face. "Hmm, pretty bold statement from a man that's dribbled toothpaste down his chin." On 

Sirius huffed, "I think you'll find Lupin, that's it's supposed to be there." 

"Is that right," said Remus as he licked his thumb and gently rubbed the stain away before putting the thumb in to his mouth and sucking. 

Sirius' eyes widened, "Yeh," he said, the apples of his cheeks staining red as he broke eye contact. 

"Hey," Remus’ voice was gentle, "Kiss?" 

Sirius looked back tilting his head slightly, the grin was back, "Always," lifting his head slightly as he pressed his lips to Remus'. 

They kissed lazily for a couple of minutes, Sirius clenching and unclenching his fists at the seams of Remus' t-shirt, until Remus grabbed his hips and tugged him firmly towards him, his fingers hot against the bare skin. Sirius made a surprised, but not displeased noise and pressed himself fully against Remus, tipping his head back further so he could push his tongue into Remus' mouth. Remus hummed in to the kiss and let his fingers run along the waistband of Sirius pyjamas, dipping in slightly, so his fingers just brushed the swell of his arse. 

"Shall we get in to bed?" he mumbled into Sirius' mouth and when he nodded they broke apart, both clambering in alongside each other. 

Remus laid back and Sirius immediately went about making himself comfortable, pillowing his head where Remus' shoulder met neck and throwing one arm across his chest and one leg across his thigh. 

"Comfy there are we? Remus chuckled, as he nuzzled the top of Sirius' head,

"Always," came the muffled response, "You're always so bloody hot, its like sleeping next to a giant hot water bottle." 

"Well it works out then," said Remus brushing Sirius' hair away from his face, "because your feet are always fucking freezing." 

At that Sirius dug both feet in to Remus' legs making him shriek, he retaliated, moving his hands to Sirius' side and tickling him hard. "Fuck, fuck stop!" Sirius wheezed, "i'm sorry, i'm sorry." 

"So you should be." Sirius pouted but settled back on to him all the same, wiggling his hips slightly to get comfy.

They lay in companionable silence for a while, they could hear James clattering about in his room, humming loudly along to The Stone Roses that he was blasting through his speakers and then the whir of the showing starting up, presumably Pete getting ready for bed. Sirius was drawing small circles with one finger against Remus' shoulder and every now and then he could feel the slight fluttering of Sirius' eyelashes on his chest. He moved his hand back to Sirius' exposed side and began to gently run his fingers up and down. 

"Tickles," Sirius said, squirming slightly and Remus could feel the imperceptible shift of hips, pressing further in to his upper thigh, "You're giving me goosebumps."

"I know," Remus whispered, "That's why i'm doing it." 

Remus smoothed some more hair away from Sirius' forehead and stilled his fingers on his waist, instead wrapping his arm around him. Sirius made a soft sort of squeak and Remus looked down, seeing a slight crease appear between his brows and he felt Sirius' hips twitch again. Remus took a deep breath, what had James said? That it doesn't have to be a big deal. 

He moved his hand further down Sirius' back and round, he could feel the plane of his hip bone now, and slowly pushed Sirius against him. Sirius' breath hitched and Remus could feel the hard line of his erection against his thigh. 

"Rem," Sirius whispered,

"Shh, don't over think it," Remus answered, pushing Sirius against him once more. 

Sirius groaned and turned his face in to Remus' chest, and rolled his hips with more force. Remus grasped at him more firmly, splaying his fingers, wanting to feel as much of Sirius' skin underneath his fingers as possible, helping Sirius move against him. 

"Keep going babe," Remus whispered, "god you look so good like this. So good...," he trailed off, unable to move his eyes away as he felt his own, now hard cock, twitching. 

"Nghh," was the only reply. He pulled Sirius against him again, helping him set a slow and dirty rhythm. 

"Rem, I can't, I can't,"

Sirius was panting slightly and Remus could feel the slight sheen of sweat on his skin as he began to move faster, his fingers now digging in to Remus' upper arm. 

"Yes, you can, c'mon, c'mon, fuck look at you, you look so good, can't believe you're mine." 

Remus knew he was beginning to babble and his cock gave another painful throb.

"Sirius, Sirius, I'm gonna touch myself," and he could hear the desperation in his voice, "Is that ok?" 

Sirius just whined as he continued to rut against Remus' thigh. 

"Honey, I need you to look at me," Remus tangled his hands in Sirius' hair and gently pulled so his face was brought upwards towards his own. 

"Oh my God," Sirius moaned loudly as he looked up at Remus, his eyes glazed, the apples of his cheeks red. 

"Sirius, do you understand, i'm going to touch myself, is that ok?" Remus repeated, as his hand moved downwards.

"Yeh, yeh, ok" Sirius huffed, taking his hand from Remus' arm and reaching down, hurriedly helping push down his boxers.

Remus wrapped his hand around himself, Sirius trying to follow with own but losing his grasp after a particularly hard jerk of his hips. He moved his hand back to Remus’ upper arm and instead began mouthing at his chest, lips brushing sporadically over Remus’ exposed nipple.

Remus screwed his eyes shut and squeezed hard, desperately trying to slow his strokes as Sirius started up a litany of 'uh, uh, uh."

Remus leaned up slightly, allowing the hand on Sirius' back to slide down further and at the same time pulled Sirius upwards, until he could feel his breath harsh and uneven against his jaw. He fucked up in to his own hand and at the same time let his fingers slide down to Sirius' arse and between his cheeks. 

"Oh my god, fuck, fuck," Sirius gasped as Remus let one finger stroke over him, circling slowly before applying just the slightest amount of pressure.

"Ah, ah, more, shit Remus more,"Sirius moaned but as he did Remus felt his hips jerk once, twice and he went rigid, back arching before collapsing back on to Remus, a dead weight. 

"Did you come, did you come?" Remus panted as he sped up his hand, hips now thrusting upwards hard. 

"Yeh, yeh," Sirius said, looking up at Remus with wide eyes and then looking towards Remus' blurred hand. 

Remus felt him take a deep breath, chest still heaving against his own, and watched as Sirius batted his hand away and replaced it with his own. 

"Show me what to do?" he asked, taking Remus' hand and placing it on top of his. Remus didn't need telling twice, moving their hands up and down quickly, adding a twist on the upwards stroke and swiping his thumb over the head. 

"C'mon Rem, nearly there, nearly there.”

Sirius sounded wrecked and Remus looked from their joined hands to his face and saw Sirius looking back at him, pupils blown wide. 

That was enough, "Fuck, you're so hot," Remus moaned and in one, two, three thrusts he was coming over their entwined fingers. He slumped back on to his pillow, exhausted. 

"You alright," Remus asked after a few minutes. 

"Sticky," came the muffled response and Remus realised Sirius had once again burried his face in to Remus' neck.

"Hey," he said "look at me?" Sirius looked up and gave him a watery smile.

"Not good?" Remus asked.

"No, no, it was good, really fucking good," Sirius answered gesturing to his pyjamas bottoms where a dark stain was now spreading outwards, "I don't know, just though it would be different." 

"Did you want it to be different?" Remus asked gently, stroking across Sirius' cheekbone. 

Sirius looked like he was contemplating his answer, "I don't know, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing" he said finally. 

"Oh sweetheart," Remus sighed as he kissed the top of Sirius' head, "there's really no right or wrong to this you know."

They continued to lie there, breathing evening out until Sirius said in a quiet voice, "Did you like it?" 

Remus smiled, "Yes I liked it, Sirius, I thought it was perfect. I think you're perfect.

Sirius smiled, "Then I did too," then, "Is the endgame always this sticky?"

Remus snorted, "well, I mean yeh sometimes, comes with the territory I suppose." 

Sirius smirked up at him, "I'll come in your territory,"

"That was awful," Remus rolled his eyes, "Shift over, i'll grab a cloth to clean up." 

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and hauled himself up, walking over to the bedroom door and sticking his head out to make sure the coast was clear before disappearing in the hallway. By the time he got back Sirius was sitting up, gingerly peeling off his pyjamas bottoms,

"I can't believe you made me come in my pyjamas like a fucking teenager," he huffed. 

"Sorry babe," Remus laughed as he pushed him back on the bed, passing him the flannel, "Next time i'll get you properly naked,"

"Yes please," said Sirius making grabby hands at Remus, obviously wanting him back in bed. 

Remus got in and flicked the bedside lamp off while Sirius scooted up behind him, pressing his face in to the base of Remus' neck wrapping his free arm around his chest. "I really love you Remus Lupin," he said sleepily.

Remus took his hand and kissed his palm, closed his eyes and spoke in to the darkness "I love you too, Sirius Black."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laying some groundwork.

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Alice**

If you were stuck 

on a dessert island

and you only had

one condiment with you

which one would you want it to be?

**Remus**

Alice

with the hardcore existential questions

first thing on a Saturday

**James**

Does Branston pickle

count as a condiment?

because I could eat that shit with a spoon

**Marlene**

Do you spread it

on flapjacks

**James**

Fuck off McKinnon

**Marlene**

I'm trying

but some fuckers

are making my phone vibrate

repeatedly

**Alice**

OMG Marls

Who are you with??

@Dorcas @Lily

go in a see pls!!

**Lily**

i'm good thanks

**Remus**

I swear

if you and James joined forces

none of us 

would ever have a private moment

literally ever again

**James**

:(

I'm just invested

in peoples happiness

**Lily**

That's code for

I have no life

so I have to live vivaciously

through others

**Dorcas**

Bit harsh Lils

**Sirius**

Don't be mean to Jam

and also totally not true

James is one of the most sociable people

ever

**Alice**

Lily that was mean!

**Pete**

BBQ sauce

**Dorcas**

What?

**Pete**

That's the condiment i'd choose

as my dessert island condiment

**Sirius**

I'd have to go for horseradish

Love me some horseradish crème

on a hunk

of fillet

**Marlene**

Not going to lie

was worried

that was going

in a different direction entirely

**Pete**

Cheers for that

now I have the image 

of a naked Moony

covered in horseradish

seared into my brain

**Sirius**

You should count yourself lucky

Rem is a piece of 100% Prime Beef

I'd sear him in to my brain anyday

**Remus**

This conversation has spiralled

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Als**

Lily

that was really uncalled for

you need to apologise

**Lils**

It was a joke!

**Dorky**

Was it though?

I mean

it doesn't take much

for you to have a swipe at James

**Marls**

Sorry Lily

i'm with the others on this

I honestly don't see

why you don't like him??

He CLEARLY likes you

and tbh

at times like this

I don't actually know why

**Lils**

Oh for fucks sake

just because

you throw yourself

at any girl who looks your way

doesn't mean I have to

**Alice**

Lily!

What is wrong with you??

**Dorky**

Look

i'm going to be blunt

and i know

you're going to be pissed off

but

even since you started dating Sev

you've started acting differently

**Lils**

I KNEW you had a problem with him!

**Dorky**

Yeh well

when my best friends

suddenly becomes an awful person

and the only thing that's changed 

is her new boyfriend

what else am I supposed to think?

**Lils**

That maybe you're jealous??

**Alice**

its not just Dorcas though

the three of us

all agreed

**Lils**

Right

well I hope you all enjoyed

you little chat

discussing what an awful person I am

**Marls**

That's not what she meant

and you know it

we're worried about you

and we want normal, lovely Lily back

**Lils**

Whatever

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Lily**

Hi James 

**James**

Oh

Hi!

Did you want me for something?

**Lily**

Yes

Look

I'm really sorry

about what I said earlier

**James**

Are you sorry?

Or did the other tell you to apologise?

**Lily**

A bit of both 

I suppose

**James**

Ok

Well apology accepted I guess

**Lily**

Thanks

**James**

Righto

See you tomorrow

for #sundayroastclub then

**Lily**

Pretty sure

that i'm not welcome

**James**

Why?

I just said apology accepted

**Lily**

Not you

the girls

**James**

Oh 

Did something happen?

**Lily**

No

Yes

I said something really mean to Marls

and now I think they all hate me

**James**

Alright

I promise i'm not doing this

so I can put the moves on you

or anything like that

but I've been told i'm pretty good

at giving advice

so if you wanted

you could come round for a tea

and you could tell me what happened?

**Lily**

Are you always this nice

to people 

who have just insulted you?

**James**

Nah

only the ones

who I think are having a shitty day

and need a break

**Lily**

I don't want

you to waste you Saturday

on me though

**James**

Literally not doing anything

rowing's done

Pete's on the lunch shift

and R & S

are going to the garden centre

in a bit

Rem wants to start growing vegetables

so they'll be nobody else here

**Lily**

So you can be

my dirty little secret

**James**

I bought frangipane

from that posh bakers

that I may be willing share

**Lily**

Woah

no reaction at all 

to my last message

**Jamse**

**🤷🏽‍♂️**

I was serious

when I said

I wasn't inviting you over

to try and get in your knickers

**Lily**

Ok then

that actually sounds 

like a good idea

to speak to someone neutral

I feel like I can't talk to Sev

because he gets a bit funny

when I talk about the girls sometimes

**James**

Oh

that must be difficult

**Lily**

Yeh

So 

Say I come over 

in about an hour?

**James**

Sounds good

See you then

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Where are you??

**Pads**

I'm inside

In the aquarium bit

there's a cat that's had kittens!!

Oh my God Rem

you have to come and see

they are SO CUTE

**Moons**

Is it supposed to be there??

**Pads**

Yes!

I asked the fish man

he said that the cat

visits on the reg

and the garden centre were feeding it

and then last week

he came in

and she'd set up shop

behind one of the massive pumps

and had babies!

**Moons**

Ooo i'm coming!

Although afterwards

you need to come help me

manure is on buy one get one free

**Pads**

Now

that's an offer

not to be sniffed at!

**Moons**

You're an idiot

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**James**

How did you get on??

**Lily**

Hi!

It was good

we sat down together

and I apologised

for being such a bitch

we all cried

and I think its fine

**James**

Great

not great that you cried

but

glad everything is better

:)

**Lily**

Yeh

your advice was really helpful

and you were really easy to talk to

so thank you

**James**

No worries

I think its easier

if you can see things

from an outsiders perspective

Have you talked to Sev yet?

**Lily**

No not yet

i'm gonna stay here tonight

spend some time doing girly stuff

**James**

Sounds good

My fav nights are the ones

when the four of us

just sit and chill

**Lily**

Yep!

Didn't realise how much

I'd missed doing that

Btw 

we should tell the others

our idea for Halloween

Shall I group chat it?

**James**

Go for it!

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Lily**

Hi gang!

James and I were talking earlier

and came up with a plan 

for Halloween

**Marlene**

Oh!

Well i'm in whatever

Love Halloween

**Sirius**

You and James??

**Lily**

Yep

that farm near The Twisted Oak

is having a pumpkin day

the website said

_Children's activities include pumpkin carving,_

_seed potting and vegetable games_

There was also something about adults being able

to string chilli's together to make garlands

**Sirius**

Vegetable games you say...

**Dorcas**

Think very carefully

about what you say next Sirius

**Sirius**

What?!

I was just going to say

that I am always up 

for a game 

of hide the courgette

**Lily**

OMG

James SAID you'd make that joke

**Remus**

I have many questions about this

**Lily**

About the pumpkin day?

**Remus**

No

Don't worry

It sounds fun!

**Alice**

Where is @James

he'd normally 

be all over

this sort of convo

**Remus**

Ahh yes

there's been a bit of an incident

and he's gone to brush his teeth

**Pete**

Umm

what sort of incident?

Do I want to come home?

**Sirius**

Mind out of the gutter Wormy!

Basically

All the talk about Prime Beef earlier

make me hungry for steak

so Re cooked some for dinner

but he also made cinnamon rolls earlier

and James made an ill advised finger scoop

in the frying pan

and got a finger full of cold steak fat

rather than the icing he was expecting

**Marlene**

Grim

**Remus**

Yup

**Lily**

😂

So pumpkin day's a go?

we thought we could have a carvery after

at the twisted oak

and then 

do the usual 

dressing up clubbing bit

**Dorcas**

Sounds perf

Good job guys!

**Alice**

We doing group costumes?

**Sirius**

If we are 

Re and I are out

the theme at Volts is fairytales

and I have The. Best. Idea

for us

**Remus**

Oh God

Really babe?

**Marlene**

Still can't get used

to you dropping

babe

in the group chat

**James**

P sure 

he only does it

to get a reaction from Padfoot

his cheeks go all pink

when he does it

**Sirius**

NO THANK YOU JAMES.

**Alice**

Lol

\------------------------------

**We Who Cannot Be Named**

**Moony**

Umm Prongs

did you 

forget 

to tell us anything important

about you day...?

**Prongs**

No?

Why?

**Padfoot**

Let us recap

*screenshot*

_**Lily** _

_Hi gang!_

_James and I were talking earlier_

_**Lily** _

_OMG_

_James SAID you'd make that joke_

_**Lily** _

_**😂** _

and that laughing face

was in repsonse

to some stupid

you'd done!!

**Prongs**

Oh

well she text earlier

to apologise

for essentially calling me a loser

and let slip that she'd fallen out with the girls

so I asked her if she wanted some advice

and yeh

we had tea

**Moony**

And you didn't think

to tell us this??

**Prongs**

I didn't know

if she wanted me to tell anyone

**Padfoot**

Once again James Potter

You continue to be

the nicest person alive

No offense Re

**Moony**

Oh none taken

whole heartedly agree

**Prongs**

I don't want to get my hopes up

or anything

and she has that gross boyfriend now anyway

but we actually got on really well

I think I just

forgot about trying to impress her

and it sorted helped a bit

**Padfoot**

She'd be lucky to have you mate

also

I found out Sev's surname is Snape

and honestly

Lily Snape

sounds totally ridiculous

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Siriusly**

Love you Jammy

**Jam**

Love you too bb

**Siriusly**

Rem said he'd spoken to you 

last night about stuff

and yeh

cheers for that

**Jam**

Yes it became apparent

quite how good my advice

to Rem had been

after the third 'Oh fuck'

**Siriusly**

Shit

Sorry

Rem got really loud

**Jam**

Its cute

that you think i'm talking

about Remus

**Siriusly**

Oh

**  
**


	25. Chapter 25

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

Where are you?

I'm lonely

:(

**Moons**

Had an early seminar remember?

**Pads**

Oh yeh

Boo

I didn't get a kiss goodbye

**Moons**

Umm

you most certainly did!

You were just soundo

I didn't want to wake you

**Pads**

Oh ok

Are you nearly done?

**Moons**

Seminars finished

but I was gonna meet Marls for a coffee

before I came home

**Pads**

Ok

I guess 

I'll just have 

to entertain myself

**Moons**

You at home?

**Pads**

Yeh

I'm still in bed

what EVER could I do 

to keep myself busy

until you get back

**Moons**

Christ

Maybe I could skip coffee

Marls is just going to spend

the whole time

chatting up pink hair anyway

**Pads**

Oh no 

don't let me 

get in the way of you plans

I'm quite happy here

although

I am getting a bit hot

I might have to strip off

*photo attached*

**Moons**

Fuck me

I'll be 5 minutes

Don't even think about starting without me Sirius Black

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Remy**

Marlene my beauty

**Marly**

Ugh

Yes Lupin

What are you after?

**Remy**

You know how we were 

going to meet for coffee

well

somethings come up

**Marly**

Has it now...

this something

doesn't happen to be

about 6ft

dark haired

and have been previously described by yourself

as a marble Adonis?

**Remy**

What? No!

I can't believe you think

i'd stand you up

for a boy

you know you're my number 1 pal

**Marly**

...

**Remy**

Fine

you're right

I am very much

asking if I can stand you up

so I can go home and get naked with Sirius

**Marly**

Fiiiiine

**Remy**

Really??

Thank you

you're the best

**Marly**

Yes I am aware

but tbh

I was literally about the text you

to ask if we could reschedule

I am yet to leave the house

and its raining

**Remy**

I can't believe

you nearly made me feel guilty

about ditching you

**Marly**

only nearly?

**Remy**

Not gonna lie

it's hard to feel guilty

when your very fit boyfriend

sends you a photo

of him lying on your bed

with his dick out

**Marly**

I think

it may be time to readdress

what we share and don't share

you know

dick wise

**Remy**

Yeh

Sorry

All the blood in my brain

is currently occupied elsewhere

**Marly**

Yes thank you

I think I've got a vivid enough picture

Have fun!

**Remy**

X

\------------------------------

**We Who Cannot Be Named**

**Prongs**

When the two of you

are finished having the sex

do you want to go to big Sainsburys?

**Moony**

We are not having

*the sex* thank you very much

we are having a cuddle

**Prongs**

Padfoot looked

pretty naked

for someone who was just having a cuddle

**Moony**

Why are you like this?

**Prongs**

Top Tip

Maybe close the door properly

I can't help being the inquisitive type

**Moony**

Oh

sorry

my bad

**Prongs**

Why is Padfoot so quiet??

Is he in a sex coma?

**Moony**

No

firstly because as said previously

we were just having a cuddle

**Prongs**

A naked cuddle

with extras?

**Moony**

Fine

A naked cuddle

with extras

and also because he says he left his phone in the kitchen

**Prongs**

Ooo

i'll bring it to him

then he can join in

**Moony**

But then we might as well

speak in person?

**Prongs**

But then what about Wormy?

We don't want him to feel left out

**Wormtail**

I am very happy

being left out

of whatever this is

thank you

**Moony**

Smart man Wormy

\-----------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Sirius**

Ladies

Do you fancy Mexican tonight

round ours?

We're on the way to Sainbo's

to get bits

**Marlene**

Only if Rem is doing his refried beans

**Sirius**

He says he can do

**Marlene**

Then i'm in

**Dorcas**

Al and I are in 

we were literally 

just staring forlornly into the freezer

debating on how much 

pesto pasta

it too much pesto pasta

**James**

Well tell that pesto pasta

to get in the bin

and come for a Mexican Fiesta

I'm gonna do Mojitos

**Lily**

Ohhh

I love a mojito

but I said Id see Sev this eve

might see if I can reschedule

:)

**Sirius**

Yes Lily!

You can even be

fridge Mexican

if you want

**Alice**

What it fridge Mexican?

**Pete**

Its this stupid thing Prongs and Padfoot made up

the person who ends up

sitting nearest the fridge

has to wear a sombrero

and fake moustache

and is in charge of giving out Desperados

**Marlene**

Being fridge Mexican

sounds like a bit of an arse

actually

**Pete**

Yes

it is

**James**

Wormy how could you??

Being the fridge Mexican

is an honour

of the highest calibre

**Alice**

I sometimes forget

how weird you guys are

@Sirius is Remus driving?

**Sirius**

Yh

why?

**Alice**

Remember to tell him

to park forward facing

so he has to reverse out the parking space

;)

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Lily**

I know I said

i'd come round this eve

but if its ok

can we make it tomorrow instead?

:)

**Severus**

Why?

You said you'd come round tonight

**Lily**

I know

but the guys are doing dinner for us

and I haven't spent at time

with them all for ages

you can come to

**Severus**

Definitely not

Spending the evening

with Potter and Black

sounds hellish

especially if Black will be all over that Lupin

**Lily**

Why does that matter??

They're actually really sweet together

**Severus**

I beg to differ

go if you want

but i'll have to throw away

the food I have here

it won't keep

**Lily**

Are you cross with me?

**Severus**

No

I just don't appreciate being ditched

for Potter and his lot

and your hysterical flatmates

**Lily**

If you would just spend some time with them

you'd realise that they are actually

really nice!

**Severus**

They don't talk to me

I feel very excluded when i'm with your friends

at least my friends make an effot to include you

**Lily**

:(

I didn't realise you felt that way

you should have said something

i feel bad

i'll come over later

**Severus**

See you at 7

**Lily**

Xxx


	26. Chapter 26

**My Support Bras**

**Dorky**

You missed a cracking night Lils

I'm sad you weren't with us

:(

**Marls**

Me too

Sirius dared Pete

to eat this monstrous chilli

and I swear

I actually thought he was going to die

he was SO RED

**Als**

We've brought you back a mojito

in an old evian bottle

James even wrote your name

on the side

and put a little star 

over the 'i' in Lily

**Marls**

SUPER cute

you should have come

**Lils**

:(

I wish I had

Bless James

I can have it for breakfast

**Dorky**

You not back this eve then?

**Lils**

Don't think so

we had a bit of a row earlier

and now I feel I need to stay

**Dorky**

I'm not trying to patronising

or anything 

promise

but you do know

that if you want to come home

that's ok

he has no right to guilt you 

in to staying

**Marls**

And I REALLY hope

he's not guilting you

in to doing anything else

Lils?

**Lils**

No he's not

I swear

which makes it almost stranger

that he gets arsey

when I say i'm going to sleep at home

we don't actually do anything

ever

**Als**

Well that doesn't matter

not everything is about sex

but it does sort of sound

like he's telling you 

what you can and cannot do

you were really up for tonight

and then suddenly you weren't

and we were all a bit sad :(

**Lils**

I know I know

he just said something

which made me feel 

so I wanted to try and fix it

but i'm worried that if I tell you

you're all going to be really mad with me :(

**Dorky**

Remember what we agreed though

**Lils**

Yeh

he just said

that when he tries to hang out

with you guys

and the lads too I suppose

that he feels like you're all deliberately ignoring him

and stuff

**Marls**

I know we agreed

to stay calm and blah blah blah

but Lily

that total bullshit!!

ALL of us

have tried to make him feel welcome

but it's literally impossible to talk to him

he gives nothing back!!

I know for a fact

that Remus asked if he wanted to go for a drink

with him and Sirius

and he actually laughed in his face!

**Alice**

Yeh

Sirius told me that too

that night of the Sports Soc

he sat there all night

and didn't say anything

and if we're being honest Lily

i'm still not over the skirt thing

**Dorky**

We're not trying to have a go hun

but he's not making it easy

for us to get to know him

esp now as you always go over there

and he never comes here

**Lils**

:(

I did say to him

that he has to make an effort too

but he said

that I was pressuring him to be someone hes not

because he is naturally a quiet person

**Marls**

Naturally quiet people

don't laugh in others peoples faces

when they're trying to be nice

**Lils**

No

they don't

Was Remus really mad?

**Alice**

Nah

You know Remus

but they're not going to try again

if you see what I mean

**Lils**

Yeh

I wouldn't either

Girls I don't know what to do :(

**Dorky**

We'll sort it

but first things first

I think you need to come home tonight

and drink your delicious mojito

**Lils**

Yeh ok

I think so too

**Marls**

Want me to walk up and meet you?

**Alice**

We'll all come

It'll be an outing

:)

**Lils**

Yay

thanks girlies

you're the best

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Marly**

We still on for today?

No naked boys gonna get in the way?

**Remy**

No rain

with the potential

to mess up your hair

gonna get in the way?

**Marly**

Touche

**Remy**

Haha

Yep still on

I've got to go with Pads to the garden centre

so i'll come over after

probs about 3ish?

**Marly**

Perf

Although

I swear you were at the garden centre

like a day ago?

**Remy**

Sigh.

We were

**Marly**

Any reason?

Or does looking at plants

just really get you both going

or something

**Remy**

Thats insenstive

Sirius has been diagnosed with Dendrophilia

and going to the garden centre

really helps him

**Marly**

Shit Remus

I'm so so sorry

is he ok??

I've never even heard of it

**Remy**

Hopefully he'll be fine

he'll just need to go to the garden centre

a few times a week

**Marly**

Okaaaay

Well I hope you have a good time

See you later on

**Remy**

Have a great morning!

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Marls**

Did you know 

that Sirius has been diagnosed

with something called Dendrophilia?

**Dorky**

Shit no??

I've never heard of it

Is he ok?

**Marls**

I know! 

Rem just told me

I'm not sure

i'd already massively put my foot in it

so didn't want to pry

**Alice**

He's not said anything to me

Poor Sirius!

**Lils**

Marls darls

you might want to look up

Dendrophilia

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Marly**

You absolute ARSE Remus Lupin!

I was actually really worried!

**Remy**

HAHAHA

 **** **** ****OMG

I can't believe

you actually believed me!

You felt SO BAD

**Marly**

I can't believe

you told me

that Sirius was sexually aroused by trees 

I wondered what the hell

all that garden centre stuff was about

**Remy**

You're such a dingus

**Marly**

Be careful Lupin

It would be a shame

if someone

was to let slip

a certain video

of a certain 6ft 4 inch

dinosaur

**Remy**

You wouldn't

**Marly**

No of course I wouldn't

i'm not that mean you berk

What is all this garden centre nonsense

about then

**Remy**

Really not very exciting

theres this cat that's had kittens there

in the aquarium bit

and Sirius has become obsessed with them

he keeps buying them stuff

and making me go with him

to give it to them

**Marly**

Classic Sirius

Although what is he actually buying?

**Remy**

Food, treats, toys

and the most ridiculous cat socks

I've ever seen

that he got custom made on Etsy

i'm a bit worried about whats going to happen

when the kittens are old enough to leave the mum

the aquarium bloke said they're going to rehome them

he's going to be heartbroken

**Marly**

That seems like a problem 

for future Remus

If you ask me

**Remy**

Yeh

future Remus will know what to do

Good old future Remus!

\------------------------------

**We Who Cannot Be Named**

**Padfoot**

Moonymoo

You home for dins?

We're having baked potatos

can shove one in for you?

**Moony**

Cheers mate

that would be amazing

**Padfoot**

Um

No

**Moony**

You literally just offered to do me one

**Padfoot**

Not that

**Moony**

What then??

**Wormtail**

He's mad you called him mate

you should see the pout

**Moony**

Oh babe!

I'm so sorry

autopilot I guess

**Prongs**

I can't believe

that i'm only worth autopilot to you

I thought you loved me

**Moony**

??

I'm confused

**Prongs**

I was just saving Padfoot

from trying to figure out what to say

**Wormtail**

Sound job there Prongs

**Prongs**

Cheers Wormy!

I thought so too!

**Padfoot**

Humph

**Moony**

No Pads

You're worth 100 times more

than any autopilot could ever be

I promise

**Padfoot**

You better

I chose you the best potato

**Moony**

You're my everything

**Padfoot**

:)

**Moony**

I'm just leaving

Lily has just come home

all upset about something

so I gave her a hug

and am making a swift exit

See you all shortly

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**James**

Hi Lily

Promise i'm not trying to pry

but Rem said that earlier

you were upset about something

so I just thought i'd say

that I hope you feel better

**Lily**

Thanks James

That's really nice of you

Just another crappy day

Man wise

**James**

Ah I see

Yes well

Have heard

that we men can be particularly crappy at times

a total nuisance really

i'm sure you'd be better off without us

sorry i'm rambling

shit

**Lily**

No you're ok

made me smile

**James**

Phew!

Well gotta go

we're watching Finding Dory

remember though

if you ever want more tea

just shout

**Lily**

I will

enjoy Finding Dory

night

:)

**James**

Night

:)


	27. Chapter 27

**A Good Pear**

**Alice**

Morning Boo

Super excited

for our first double date

later!

**Sirius**

Me too!

Although Rem is worried

that Frank’s gonna be funny over the whole Caradoc thing

**Alice**

Oh no!

He shouldn’t be

Frankie was always very much

#teamwolfstar

**Sirius**

I said itd be fine

but you know what he’s like

not happy unless he’s got something to worry about

**Alice**

He must be SUPER happy

all the time now then

**Sirius**

Alice Victorinimius Fortescue

are you insinuating

that Remus needs to worry about me?

**Alice**

Uh

Yeh

Not wanting to throw shade here

but you’ve got form

**Sirius**

Fair

I suppose

I can be a bit impulsive

**Alice**

You’re a total liability

**Sirius**

Rude

**Alice**

Speaking of rude

How’s the whole

I don't know how to bring up sex with my boyfriend

issue?

**Sirius**

Well

I am VERY pleased to inform you

That that particular issue has been rectified

**Alice**

And you didn’t tell me??

**Sirius**

What was I supposed to say

Hey Al

How’re things

Just enjoyed a fabulous

handjob in the shower

**Alice**

Did you??

**Sirius**

Yep

Been dying to drop it in to conversation

**Alice**

What else what else what else?

**Sirius**

I swear

You and Jam

are the same person

Have I ever seen you in the same room together?

**Alice**

Ha ha

We just want our best pals

To have happy

and healthy sex lives

Now back to it

What else?

**Sirius**

Sorry to disappoint

But nothing too risqué

But hot diggity dog

Re really knows what hes doing

If you get my drift

**Alice**

Nice

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Frank**

Hi Remus mate

This is Frank

As in Alice’s Frank

**Remus**

Hey!

Known you for 2 years buddy

You don’t have to be

Alice’s Frank

Although cute

What’s up?

**Frank**

Noted lol

No all’s good

Just Ali mentioned

you being worried about

the whole Caradoc thing

**Remus**

Oh right

Just wanted to make sure

we’re all good really

I know I led him on a bit

and we did NOT end things

on good terms

**Frank**

Rem

Going for a couple of drinks

that were never classified as dates

and then telling someone you aren’t interested

is not leading them on

We’re all good mate

I swear

**Remus**

Great

I just figured

you would have heard

his side of the story

**Frank**

Caradoc’s a mate

But he also punched you in the face

because he couldn’t pull you

and it pissed him off

Dick move

**Remus**

Was a bit

Glad we’re cool

**Frank**

Yup

Am happy for you and Sirius

you guys make an awesome couple

Alice is SO excited for later

**Remus**

So is Sirius

So am I!

Be good to see you

**Frank**

Great

See you in a bit then!

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Just omw home

Are we going to see the kittens

Before we meet A&F?

**Pads**

No

We probably shouldn’t

**Moons**

Oh no!

Why?

**Pads**

Stan said yesterday

that they’re all going to their new homes next weekend

and now I think seeing them

will make me sad

☹

**Moons**

Oh baby

I’m sorry

I know how much you love them

We can still go and see the Mummy though

Stan said the garden centre manager

Has decided to let her be their resident cat

**Pads**

Maybe

When we move in to a flat next summer

Can we make sure that we’re allowed a cat?

**Moons**

You want to live with me

when we leave uni?

**Pads**

Obviously

Shit

Was this something

we were supposed to have

A Talk about

I just presumed

**Moons**

Sirius

I love that you presumed

that we’d still be together

next summer

**Pads**

Remus Lupin

You couldn’t get rid of me

even if you tried

I’m gonna cling on

Like a limpit

on the underside of a blue whale

**Moons**

Good

And of course

we can make sure

the flat allows animals

when we move in together

next summer

because we’ll still be together

just us in a flat

like a proper grown up couple

sharing a bedroom

and stuff like that

**Pads**

You ok?

**Moons**

I need a cuddle

Having some emotions

which my body is obviously allergic too

because it trying to purge them from me

Via my eyes

**Pads**

I am always extremely available for cuddles

Do you want a Nesquik?

**Moons**

Yes please

Love you

**Pads**

Love you too

Moonymine

\-------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Marlene**

We need to costume chat

so we can get sorted this weekend

S & R you're out

but J & P are you with us?

Need to know whether we're working as 5 or 7

**James**

@pete my main man

what ya thinking?

**Pete**

Considering so far

that all your ideas

have been godawful

i think we'll join you Marlene

**James**

I am INSULTED

my ideas were very excellent

thank you very much

**Pete**

For the last time James

I am not dressing up with you

as Netflix & Chill

**James**

:(

but we LIKE Netflix & Chill

**Pete**

Nope

**Sirius**

I thought you were going as a Panda

and Pete was the bamboo??

That was a spectacular idea

**Pete**

Prongs said he'd nibble me all night

and a bit of sick came in to my mouth

at the thought

No offense Jam

**James**

Much offence taken

**Alice**

ANYWAY

if we're gonna be 7

we need ideas

Go!

**Lily**

Colours of the rainbow?

**Marlene**

Cute! (shotgun red)

7 deadly sins?

**Lily**

Oooo yeh

that's much more slutty

**Sirius**

You could be Mario & Luigi

Ones tall and ones short

its perfect!

**Pete**

No

**Remus**

You could be the Seven Seals of the Apocalypse

**Dorcas**

I don't even know what they are??

**Remus**

Have you not read the book of Revelation??

**Sirius**

I think your probs the only one

Remusaur

Bacon & Eggs

Ones tall and lean and

one isn't

so much 

**Pete**

NO!

Stop giving him weird ideas!

**Remus**

Its the 4 Horsemen

the Wrath

the Cataclysm

and the Trumpeters

**Marlene**

Might be a bit A-list

for us Rem

**Remus**

Maybs

**James**

Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti?

**Lily**

Oh my God

the sound of music James??

**James**

What?

I happen to think that the sound of music

is representative of a happier and more musical time

I for one think the world would be a better place

if we all broke into song more often

**Lily**

You're so funny

in a weird way

**Dorcas**

The Seven Wonder of the World?

Although I can only remember that garden one

Remus if you could

**Remus**

Pyramid of Giza, Alexandria Lighthouse, Hanging Gardens of Babylon

Temple of Artemis, The Colossus, Statue of Zeus 

and the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus

**Sirius**

My man's so smart 

**Alice**

Imagine you're on the dancefloor

trying to pull

and you keep having to tell people

you're whatever that last one is

**Sirius**

Oh my God

James

You could be Barbie and Ken!

**James**

YES

Although only if I

get to be Barbie

**Pete**

Can someone PLEASE

keep Padfoot's mouth shut!

**Remus**

I mean 

i can try

**Sirius**

Using your massive cock to gag me

until it hit the back of my throat

would shut me up ;)

I bet you look so sexy when i'm looking up at you

from down on my knees

**Alice**

FUCKING HELL SIRIUS

**Marlene**

Jesus wept

**Lily**

That is NOT SAFE FOR WORK

**Sirius**

Sry guys

didn't mean to put that

in the group chat

**Pete**

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

don't tell me 

you two have been sexting

the whole time??

I'm sitting in between you

**Sirius**

No!

Of course not

Maybe a little

**James**

I thought Re kept

ahem

adjusting himself

just thought his eczema was playing up again

**Dorcas**

I'm not sure whether to be

appalled or impressed

tbh

**Marlene**

Remus has gone very quiet

did he die?

**James**

Remus and Sirius are no longer with us i'm afraid

Rem literally just stood up

threw Padfoot over his shoulder

and strode towards his bedroom

LADS REMEMBER

It will taste sweeter, if you wrap your Peter!

**Pete**

This is the worst day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is slowly getting more and more x-rated. I apologise?


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward discussion of sex ahead...

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

You awake?

**Pads**

Yeh

Am watching videos

of those mirror glaze cakes

on Instagram

**Moons**

Ooo

I love watching those

I like it when they do dark blue

and then flick white on

so it looks like stars

**Pads**

Literally as your text came through

one of those came on!

**Moons**

Weird!

**Pads**

I’m really sorry about last night

☹

**Moons**

Oh I knew you were upset!

I shouldn’t have let you go and sleep in your room

It really doesn’t matter Pads

like really really

**Pads**

Feels like it does

Feel like a total idiot

**Moons**

Why though?

**Pads**

Just do

**Moons**

Wish you wouldn’t

its just sex

**Pads**

Easy for you to say

you’re not the one

who totally freaked out

over a couple of fingers

**Moons**

Don’t be stupid

it wasn’t that bad

**Pads**

Rem

It was that bad

I just

I spent all evening

Psyching myself up

And then getting you all worked up with the sexts

and then just left you hanging

**Moons**

You didn’t leave me hanging

you’re allowed to change your mind

Yes I was worked up

but I’m a big boy

I can sort myself out

if necessary

**Pads**

Big boy…

**Moons**

**🙄**

walked in to that one

**Pads**

Wish you could have walked

Into me

You know

Without the freak out

**Moons**

You didn’t freak out

Its normal to be nervous

And its normal to try something and not like it!

You’re over thinking it

**Pads**

Yes but now I’m worried

that I’m never going to be able to under think it!

And we’ll never try it again

so I’ll never know if I do like or not!

**Moons**

Sirius you do know

that I don’t care if we never have

full on sex?

What we do is amazing

You’re amazing

you saw the state your bloody sexting got me in last night

I honest to God thought I was going to

get my rocks off

Sitting on the sofa next to fucking Pete

**Pads**

It was hot wasn’t it

**Moons**

Ridiculously

Everything we do is hot

because its you

**Pads**

Should have just blown you like I said

Least I know I can manage that

UGHHHH

I’ve done it with hundreds of girls

Why is this such a big deal??

**Moons**

Because you’ve built it up in your head

And hundreds Padfoot?

Really?

**Pads**

Oh ok

Maybe not hundreds

Tens

Teens

Five

**Moons**

Remember that you’ve told me

in unnecessary detail I might add

About those 5

**Pads**

I do like to overshare

**Moons**

Well I wish you’d overshared last night

I really don’t want you to feel under pressure

to do anything

and if it makes you feel any better

I’m nervous about it too

**Pads**

Really?

**Moons**

Yes really

In case you hadn’t noticed

I’m a bit obsessed with you

I want it to be good for you

**Pads**

I love you

**Moons**

I love you too

**Pads**

Wish I could make it stop bothering me

**Moons**

Me too

I think we should have switched 

Then its not so different on your end is it

To put it bluntly

**Pads**

I feel like I should do something

With the

put it bluntly

but can’t think of anything

And yes

Maybe you’re right

Possibly went in a bit gung ho in the first instance

**Moons**

But I mean it babe

If cuddles with extras is where you want to leave it

Then that’s where I want to leave it too

The extras are pretty fucking awesome

**Pads**

Can’t believe you used Prong’s cuddles with extras

Can’t wait to tell him

**Moons**

Don’t you dare

Now get your arse in here

I was cold and lonely all night without you

I want a cuddle

**Pads**

Why are you so obsessed with me?

**Moons**

Ooo

We should watch that!

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

I don’t want to interfere

or anything

but everything ok with you and Moony?

**Siriusly**

‘I don’t want to interfere’

The least James Potter statement

I’ve ever heard

But yeh, course it is

Why?

**Jam**

You slept in your room last night

Which you haven’t done

Since Rem got back from Wales

**Siriusly**

First things first

STOP COMING IN TO RE’S ROOM IN THE MORNING

TO TAKE PICTURES

**Jam**

But I need them for the daily

Blupin Bulletin!

**Siriusly**

I’ve got to level with you Jam

No-one likes the Bulletin

**Jam**

Alice does!

**Siriusly**

Alice doesn’t count

She has the same proclivities as you

When it come to me and Rem

**Jam**

Check you and your proclivities out!

**Siriusly**

Thank you for noticing!

It was in the Times 2 crossword yesterday

Thought I’d try it out

**Jam**

Nice

But everythings ok right?

**Siriusly**

Yeh everythings fine

There was just a slight Incident

but its all good

**Jam**

Wanna talk about it?

**Siriusly**

Dunno

Maybe?

Its not really your area

of expertise Jamie

**Jam**

Yeh but I can still listen

Want to go to Wagas for lunch

for some Pads and Prongs time?

**Siriusly**

Fuck yeah!

You can help me sort my Halloween stuff too

I need to go and spunk

A LOT

of money in Ann Summers

**Jam**

Well this all sounds most agreeable

Miso glazed cod ramen

And helping my best mate

decide which knickers

make his arse look best

What more could a man want!

\------------------------------

**Wolfbucks**

**Jamie**

You are in for a TREAT

on Halloween

**Rem**

Fuck. Me.

**Jamie**

Yup

**Rem**

Any chance

I could have another one

Without the arm…?

**Jamie**

Pads says no

Sorry bb

**Rem**

James i cannot stress enough

how important it is

to have another photo

without the arm

**Jamie**

Its still a no 

im afraid

**Rem**

YOU get to see!

This is so unfair

**Jamie**

Yes but I am here

In a purely professional capacity

He says to check your snapchat

**Rem**

Can’t talk

Busy

**Jamie**

You saucy thing you

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Lily**

Thank you so much for the coffee earlier

I hope Sirius didn’t mind me

crashing your date

**James**

It was my pleasure!

And of course he didn’t

We’d done what we needed to do

**Lily**

**😊**

Its nice that you two

Are still spending lots of time together

now Remus and him are a thing

**James**

Yeh, he’s the best

They’re both the best

I mean

It could have been weird

but its not at all

apart from they practically share a room now

Although tbh

they quite often slept in the same bed before

**Lily**

Haha!

They’re really well suited

**James**

I know

Its nice

Did you manage to get a present for your sister in the end?

**Lily**

Ugh no

She’s notoriously difficult to buy for

Whatever I get her she’ll probably end up

Just giving away or taking back anyway

**James**

You should just send her something she can’t do that to

Like those biscuit you can send through a letterbox

I bet they do a birthday one

**Lily**

That’s actually a really good idea

Thank you!

**James**

No worries!

I mean everyone loves biscuits!

**Lily**

Very true!

Better go am about to go in to my 4pm

Speak later!

**James**

Have a good lecture

😊


	29. Chapter 29

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Marlene**

Lads

How do you fancy dinner at ours

this eve?

**James**

I am well up for that

Remus was going to make us have leftovers

**Remus**

I don’t like to waste food!

**James**

Don’t worry your pretty little head Moony

Wormy is currently hoovering them up

for his lunch

**Remus**

Oh

well in that case

Yes please!

**Alice**

Yes

We see your Mexican night

and raise you

Spanish Night

**Sirius**

Tapas and Sangria????

**Alice**

Tapas and Sangria

**Sirius**

Yes!

I am all over this

Remusaur

we can celebrate our clean bills of sexual health

with tapas and sangria!

**Remus**

Whatever you say dear

**James**

Ooo

did your GUM clinic letters come?

**Dorcas**

As glad as I am

that you’re both STD free

Is here really the place??

**Remus**

Yes Prongs

they came

now can you please stop

yelling things at us

through the door?

**Alice**

Lol

Be honest

Is the main reason you got tested

So James can’t yell his many safe sex slogans

at you anymore

**Sirius**

It did heavily

influence our decision yes

**James**

I promise nothing

And I don’t yell

I quietly advise and remind

**Remus**

James

Last night you yelled

‘Don’t be a joker, cover your poker’

For no reason at ALL

**James**

But I could hear you getting busy??

**Remus**

I was on the phone

to my mum

Sirius wasn’t even home!!

**Lily**

HAHAHAHA

**James**

Oops

Sorry Hope

Lucky I’m her favourite

**Sirius**

I think you’ll find

that I’M her favourite

**Remus**

You’re both wrong

She likes Pete best

**Pete**

Yaaaaaay!

I’m a winner

**James**

OOF

My heart

**Sirius**

Unacceptable

Well

As her future son-in-law

I’ve got the rest of my life

to change her mind

😉

**Marlene**

ANYWAY

Shall we say 7?

Castanets optional

**James**

Works for us

**Remus**

What can we bring?

**Lily**

If we sort food

You sort Sangria stuff?

Pete you bringing Mary?

Just so we know numbers wise for food

**Pete**

Yeh I’ll ask

thanks!

**Dorcas**

No problemo

So Sangria for 10 please

Franks bringing fruit and stuff for it

**James**

10?

No Sev Lils?

**Lily**

Nah

**Sirius**

Well I for one

Can’t wait to stuff my chlamydia free face

with tiny Spanish food

**Marlene**

You’re a lucky, lucky man Rem

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Lily**

Can’t wait for tonight

Feel crappy

**Marlene**

Oh no!

Period pain still bad?

I think my hot water bottle is under my desk

if not its in the bathroom

**Lily**

Cheers doll

Its not too bad 

I think the approx. 100 bars of chocolate

I ate yesterday helped

**Dorcas**

Haha!

You felt SO sick

before you went to bed

**Lily**

☹

**Dorcas**

Crappy as in I feel gross

or crappy as in somethings making me feel crappy?

**Lily**

Bit of both I think

The bloat is real

but also

I think I’m gonna end things with Sev

**Alice**

Really?

How come?

**Lily**

I don’t know

at first he said he didn’t like going out

because hes not very outgoing

and I don’t have a prob with that at all

I’m fine with staying in and watching tele and all that

but that’s not true

he doesn’t like going out

unless its with his friends not mine

who tbh aren’t actually very nice

they don’t talk to me

which means he doesn’t talk to me

so I sit there like a lemon all night

**Marlene**

Babes ☹

**Lily**

I guess I’m just sick of everything

always being on his terms

**Alice**

I’m not surprised

I couldn’t cope

If Frank suddenly wouldn’t hang out with you guys

It has to go both ways

**Lily**

Yeh I know

I want someone

who actually wants to get to know my friends

and tells me I look hot in my sequin mini and pink top

rather than slutty

**Dorcas**

Yes!

I am SO glad you said that

that wasn’t good

and I’m not saying this to be a bitch Lils

but he was beginning to be really controlling

he basically guilt tripped you in to going over last week

**Lily**

I know

and whats so stupid is that I could see he was doing it!  
I don’t know why I went along with it!

**Marlene**

What’s done is done

And we’re all here for you

**Alice**

Absolutely agree

When do you think you’ll talk to him?

**Lily**

Probably the weekend

I can’t be arsed to have him ruin Halloween

because I know hes going to be difficult

and its not like he was going to come anyway

so I can just enjoy the night

**Dorcas**

It’ll be a cracking night

remember how good it was last year?

**Alice**

All I remember is Sirius getting off with that girl

with all the fake blood round her mouth

and his face was stained red for DAYS afterwards

**Marlene**

OMG

that was fucking hilarious!

They’ll be none of that this year

**Alice**

How times change

And on that note

Bets on how long it’ll take tonight

before one of them does/says something

not PG?

**Dorcas**

I’m going to go with Sirius

at about half an hour in

just enough time for him to have had

a couple of sangrias

**Marlene**

Nah

I reckon after the sexting fiasco

hes going to be watching it

im gonna say Rem

after a couple of hours

**Alice**

Oh I was going to say that!

I’ll go for in each other’s laps

By 8 o clock

Snogging riotously by 9

**Lily**

I’m going out on a limb

Quids in they disappear for an unspecified amount of time

and when they come back one or both of them

has a noticeably new hickey

**Marlene**

Nice

Its on ladies!

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Marly**

You did NOT here this from me

but tell your Prongs

to be on his best behaviour tonight

**Remy**

Random

But ok

Why?

**Marly**

Lilys breaking up with Sev

She said today she’s thinking about it

But I know that means she’s already made her mind up

And I also know that shes been talking to James recently

Although she won’t admit it

I think hes growing on her

**Remy**

AHHHH

What do I do?

I can’t tell him

It’ll freak him out

He was just beginning to act like a normal person around her

He doesn’t another reason to act

Like a total dunderhead 

**Marly**

I don’t know

Just tell him that I’ve told you

that she said she enjoys talking to him

or something

**Remy**

Ok good idea

I’m so excited Marly!

**Marly**

We don’t even know that anything

is going to happen

when she does break up with him

**Remy**

I know I know

but this time

Lily is single

and her and James are actually on good terms

They’d make such a good couple

**Marly**

I know

We’ve been telling her that

every since James said he was interested

Time will tell

Don’t tell Sirius

**Remy**

What do you mean don’t tell Sirius??

I strongly object

**Marly**

Sigh

Hi Sirius

**Remy**

Hi!

Rem’s in the shower

He wouldn’t let me in though

Said we didn’t have time

Even though I really wanted to try something

☹

**Marly**

Hells no

I’m out

See you later!


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3,500 words of literally just (cute, i hope!) smut.

“Who wants a tea?” James shouted over his shoulder as he strode towards the kitchen, peeling off his hoodie and throwing it onto the sofa while at the same time kicking his shoes off, leaving them in the middle of the floor.

“I’m good thanks,” Remus called after him, closing the door and locking it, passing his jacket to Sirius to hang up on the rack, “Want a tea, babe?”

“Nah, you’re alright Prongs” Sirius said, wandering towards the kitchen, kicking James’ trainers out the way as he did so, “I’m still all sloshy from too much Sangria.” He flopped down into a chair at the table, Remus sitting down beside him and putting his head on Sirius’ shoulder.

“I’m so tired,” Remus said through a yawn, “Cracking night though, I ate so much chorizo I think I might actually turn in to a spicy sausage.”

Peter snorted into the cup of tea James had just passed him and James gave him a wink.

“Don’t you try and entice Wormy and me with talks of your spicy sausage Remus Lupin you siren you,” James said as he gave Sirius a poke, “Padfoot will have our balls.” Pete looked vaguely sick.

Sirius snorted, “You’re damn right,” he said, running his hands through the thick curls on Remus’ head, watching as he blinked hard a couple of time and then closed his eyes “But it looks as though your balls will have to wait until the morn boys, I think I need to take this spicy sausage to bed.” 

He stood up, pulling Remus with him, who turned and wrapped his arms around his neck leaning heavily against him, making them both stumble backwards slightly. 

“Too tired,” Remus mumbled into the crook of Sirius’ neck.

“You big baby,” Sirius laughed and bent down a little, putting his hands on either side of Remus’ thighs, “Jump.”

Remus jumped and Sirius hoisted him up so he could wrap his legs around his waist, arms still around his neck. Sirius staggered a little under the weight but steadied himself, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Remus’ head as he began retreating towards the bedroom. “Night lads,” he said in a stage whisper. Peter gave him a salute as he got up to rinse his mug. James just grinned and gave him a thumbs up before yelling after them “DON’T BE FOOLS, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOLS!”

“How does he know so many?!” Remus complained as Sirius kicked the bedroom door closed behind him and made his way towards the bed.

“No idea, says he has 69 of them written down, but I think he only said 69 to fuck with me,” Sirius answered as he toppled them both on to the bed, falling on top of Remus with an oof. 

“Classic Prongs,” Remus rolled his eyes and wiggled up the bed so his head was on the pillow, tugging Sirius up with him, he tipped his head to the side as he studied Sirius above him, “You’re so pretty.”

“Excuse you, I think you’ll find that I’m ruggedly handsome,” Sirius said with mock indignance, leaning down all the same to bring their lips together, kissing Remus slowly. 

“I think you’re the loveliest thing ever,” Remus said into the kiss, threading his hands through Sirius’ hair and pulling slightly, before moving down and scraping his teeth gently against Sirius’ jaw, smiling when he felt Sirius let out a breathless laugh.

“I though you were just so tired?”

“Nah,” Remus said kissing him again, letting his tongue brush over his bottom lip. Sirius responded instantly, teeth catching Remus’ bottom lip and sucking it gently, swallowing the groaned “Not now I’m here with you,” from Remus’ mouth.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, their kisses getting messier and more fiery until Sirius began to trail his lips down Remus’ neck. Remus could feel Sirius fattening up against his thigh and rolled his hips up pressing them together, feeling Sirius’s answering roll of his own.

“Off, want this off,” Sirius pulled at the collar of Remus’ t-shirt, at the same time sitting up and grabbing his own shirt between his wing bones and tugging it off in one go.

“Fuck me its hot when you do that,” Remus said, letting Sirius pull his t-shirt over his head and then leaning forward, tracing his tongue along Sirius’ jawline before bringing them both back down to continue kissing.

“I love you,” Sirius said, “so much.”

“I love you too,” Remus murmured into the kiss, letting his hands slide up Sirius’ bare back and then back down over the swell of his arse, “What do you want? We can do anything you want”

Sirius answered with a slow, dirty grind of his hips, making Remus’ eyes flutter shut, and then leant up, bracketing Remus’ head on either side with his hands and pressing a soft kiss to Remus’ right collar bone and then his left. He shuffled down, his legs falling either side of Remus’ so he was straddling him, and let his hand stroke over Remus through his now tight jeans, smiling when he arched up towards the pressure, “I want you naked.”

“Yeh, yes, ok” Remus said, lifting his hips up to encourage Sirius to tug off his jeans and boxers in one go.

Sirius let his gaze run over Remus’s body and then, making sure he’d caught Remus’ eye, licked a stripe up one hand and wrapped it around Remus’ cock, giving it a few slow pulls. 

Remus thrust up into his hand, as Sirius added a twist on the upstroke. “Fuck, you’re getting really good at this,” Remus panted, now pawing at Sirius’ trouser clad knees, “Take these off.” 

Sirius gave one last pull and removed his hand, smirking when Remus whined slightly, hips fucking up into thin air, and kicked off his trousers haphazardly before curling his fingers in the waistband of his boxers. “These too?” he questioned, laughing as Remus launched himself up and yanked them down for him.

“Tease,” Remus grumbled, running his fingers down Sirius’ chest, stopping to brush his thumbs over his nipples, making him shudder, his hips twitching slightly.

“Lay back,” Sirius said and he eased Remus back against the pillows, coaxing his legs apart so he could slot himself in between, pressing their cocks together, making them both moan softly, and at the same time licked into his mouth. 

The kisses turned frantic and both boys moaned as their cocks slid together, “Re, I want, can I, can _we,”_ Sirius gestured with his hand, a nonsensical gesture that Remus understood all the same.

Remus groaned into Sirius’ mouth, “Oh my God yes, you sure babe?”

“Want to try,” Sirius answer was stilted, “Fuck, we need to stop or I’m going to come, want to try.”

“Ok, yeh, yeh,” Remus said, pushing at Sirius’ chest to get him to pull back. He reached over and pulled open the drawer of his bedside table and Sirius snorted.

“We’re literally never going to need to buy lube, ever. Bloody Prongs.” 

Remus laughed and threw a tube at Sirius, hitting him in the stomach, he picked it up and inspected the label. “Absolutely not,” he grimaced, “this ones bubblegum flavour.” He threw it back at Remus, who muttered “for fucks sake James,” and began rummaging around before passing Sirius a different tube.

“You’ll tell me what to do, right?” Sirius questioned and Remus could hear the nervousness in his voice.

“Hey,” Remus said quietly, looking into Sirius’ grey eyes, “its going to be fine, whatever happens, I promise. You decide you want to stop then we stop, ok.”

“Ok,” Sirius replied and Remus felt some of the tension leave his body as he leaned in for a kiss, rubbing his thumbs over Remus’ hip bones, “Just tell me what’s good, ok?.”

Sirius twisted the lid off the tube and slicked up his fingers, “Well I know what I’m doing with this at any rate.” He grinned down at Remus, who had settled back down, feet planted firmly on the bed, thighs parted leaving room for Sirius in between. “Ready?”

Remus nodded and took Sirius’ hand in his own, bringing it down between his legs, encouraging Sirius to press in with one finger.

The stayed silent for a minute, Sirius’ gaze flickering between Remus’ face and his finger as he slowly worked it in and out of Remus’ body. 

“Ok?” Sirius breathed, “You’re not saying anything.”

Remus took a deep breath, “Sorry, sorry, its good, keep going.”

“Shall I do another one?” 

“Yeh, you can go a bit quicker, if you want.”

Sirius pushed in a second finger alongside the first, watching Remus’ face carefully.

“Fuuuuck,” Remus groaned, a flush beginning to spread down his chest, “Just like that babe, feels good, keep going.” Remus slid one hand up Sirius’ thigh and grasped his hip with the other. He let his fingers stroke over the skin there before brushing them over Sirius cock, making him gasp.

“You’re so sexy,” Sirius whispered, quickening the pace of his fingers, obviously feeling more confident, “Does it feel good?”

“Yes, so good, another”

Sirius pulled his fingers out and added another dollop of lube before easing back into Remus with three. There was probably too much lube now and Sirius screwed up his face at the noise but Remus didn’t seem to notice as he bit his lip and began to rock his hips down on to Sirius’ fingers, forcing them deeper.

Sirius moaned as he felt Remus tighten around his fingers, “Re…”

“Oh my god, I’m so turned on,” Remus panted, “Shit, stop, stop.”

Sirius snatched his hand away, “Are you ok,” he asked quickly trying not let the panic in to his voice, “Did something hurt.”

“No,” Remus all but whined reaching down and squeezing the base of his cock, “Tis too good, need a moment,”

“Oh yeh?” said Sirius, preening slightly, “You really like doing that hey?”

“So much,” Remus breathed, looking up at him, face flushed “but mainly because it’s you doing it.”

He reached up, putting his hands on Sirius’ shoulders pulling him down and tangling his fingers in his hair, trying to angle him into a deeper kiss. Sirius could feel Remus hard against him stomach, and when he pulled back he could see the wetness beaded on the head, the thought that Remus was so turned on because of him made him lightheaded. 

“I’m ready, if you still want to?”

“I definitely still want to, although I’m warning you now, I’m probably going to come in like 2.5 seconds.”

Remus laughed and wrapped his legs around Sirius’ waist, “I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“Like this then, yeh,”

“Yeh,” Remus smiled up at him, “Want to see you.”

Sirius pressed one last kiss to the corner of Remus’ mouth and reached down, giving himself a few slow strokes, willing his heartbeat to calm down.

“It’s ok babe,” Remus said softly reaching up the brush away the hair that had fallen over Sirius’ eyes, “It’s just me.”

“Right, just the boy I’ve been in love with for the past 2 years, no big deal,” Sirius tried to joke back, but the wobble in his voice betrayed him. 

“You want to stop?”

“No, I’m good, its good, maybe more lube though.”

Sirius reached for the tube and spread it on himself, hissing at the prolonged contact, “Ok, I’m ready.”

He lined himself up and took a deep breath before pushing forward slowing, mouth dropping open, “Oh…”

“So good babe, you feel so good,” Remus rubbed up and down Sirius’ sides, “keep going, keep going.”

“Oh fuck, Remus, I can’t, I’m gonna come” Sirius whined, screwing his eyes shut

“Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, I’m right here, its so good Sirius, so good.”

Sirius pushed further until they were flushed together, breathing hard. He opened his eyes and looked down to see Remus staring back up at him, eyes crinkled in a smile as he reached up to press a hand to Sirius cheek, Sirius leaning into the touch. 

“You wanna try moving?” Remus asked

“If I move, I’ll die,”

Remus laughed, “well it looks like we’re stuck like this then.”

Sirius huffed a laugh, leaning his forehead on to Remus’ and drew an unsteady breath and slowly began to move, “Re, it feels, it feels, so good.”

“I know, me too,” Remus said lacing their fingers together on either side of the bodies, “I’m going to move too now ok?”

Sirius nodded and then grunted as Remus began to move his hips in time with Sirius’ thrusts, feeling his orgasm building, warm in his lower belly. “Fuck,” he moaned as his hips snapped forward, “Re, I’m, we need to stop if..” he trailed off pushing into Remus faster.

“No, I want you to, I want you to, do it, do it” Remus chanted, speeding up to match the pace, feeling Sirius’ thighs beginning to tremble and his thrusts becoming erratic, his breath punching out of him. 

Sirius fucked in to him once, maybe twice more, groaned low in his throat, managing a strangled “Re,” before his body went tense and he collapsed on to Remus, breathing hard, a red flush spreading down the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Sirius babbled as he rolled off Remus on to his back, grabbing a pillow and putting it over his face.

“Why’re you sorry,” Remus asked, bewildered, “Sirius, that was amazing!”

“Yes but it lasted what, two minutes? And you didn’t, you’re still,” he waved his hand in the general direction of Remus’ groin.

“So?” Remus tried to tug the pillow away but Sirius clung on, “That’s normal Pads.”

“Not in porn its not,” came the muffled reply. Remus burst out laughing.

“You’re such an idiot,”

Sirius moved the pillow down slightly so Remus could see his eyes, they looked bright but still worried. Remus wanted to kiss him.

“Can you please move the pillow so I can kiss you,” he asked.

Sirius threw the pillow over by his legs and sighed but allowed Remus to lean over and kiss him soundly on the mouth. “I loved that Pads, it was so good, and you were so fucking sexy.”

They lay in silence, side by side on the bed for a few moments until Remus turned his head and grinned at Sirius.

“I can feel your spunk dripping out of me,”

“Oh my god Remus, what is wrong with you?”

Remus snickered as Sirius hit him and rolled over on to his front so he could bury his face in the mattress.

“Noooo,” Remus cried dramatically, “Come back,” he tugged at Sirius’ arm but Sirius just shook his head violently. “Well there’s only one thing for it then,” Remus said and hauled him self on top of Sirius, lying directly on top on him, “Human Duvet!”

“Fuck sake Rem, get off,”

But Remus could see his shoulders moving as he laughed. Remus sat up and ran his hands down the expanse of Sirius’ back, shuffling down so he could stroke over his arse and then his upper thighs.

“You’ve got such a nice bum,”

“I know,” Remus could hear the smirk in Sirius’ voice. He grinned again and lent down, sinking his teeth into the left cheek, biting down, just the right side of hard.

“Ow, you depraved beast!”

“But it looks so delicious,” Remus laughed, throwing himself back on top of Sirius, brushing away the dark hair so he could press a soft kiss behind his ear. Sirius made a soft, contented noise and Remus sucked harder, shifting his hips, his now semi-hard cock rapidly filling against Sirius’ arse.

“I’m going to leave a mark, ok?” Remus told him.

“Yeh, ok,” Sirius keened, turning his head to one side and pressing his body back against Remus, “You’re still so hard.”

“Well yeh,” Remus huffed, “I’m lying on top of the most beautiful boy in the world, you try it and see if you can control yourself.” He pulled his mouth away and inspected the red mark that was now blooming on the pale skin. Seeing it there sent a shot of warmth straight to his groin and he pressed down, trying to get some relief and went about sucking another.

Sirius began to circle his hips, grinding down against the mattress before pushing up into Remus.

“Babe you need to stop doing that if you don’t want me to come all over you,” Remus breathed, now kissing over Sirius’ shoulder and across his wing bones to the other side.

“Maybe that’s exactly what I want you to do,” Sirius answered with a particularly hard grind down, a moan spilling from his mouth.

“Fuck. Yeah?” Remus said, trying but failing miserably to hold his own hips still. “Can I try something?”

Sirius nodded and Remus reached behind, patting the duvet until he found the lube and sat up.

“Stop me if you don’t like it or want to stop,” he said as he coaxed Sirius legs open slightly and smeared lube on the inside of Sirirus’ thighs and then over his own now leaking cock.

“Fuck, ok” Sirius whimpered as he realised what Remus was about to do, “What should I do?”

“Cross you ankles and hold tight me for, yeh?” Remus told him as he slid in, “Oh fuck, Sirius.”

Sirius shuddered as Remus’ cock slid under his balls with each thrust, his cock hard again, trapped underneath him, leaving him unable to decide whether to grind down against the mattress or press up to meet Remus. 

“Not going to last angel,” Remus groaned, “Feels too good.”

“Wait, wait,” Sirius tried to roll over and with a monumental effort Remus pulled back.

“Shit, you ok, want me to stop?” he panted.

“No,” Sirius rolled over, “Want to be on my back, wanna kiss” and he reached up to pull Remus down, trailing his mouth along his jaw, a shiver went up Remus’ spine as he realised he could feel Sirius, hard against his stomach.

Remus slid slowly back between his clenched thighs, and began moving faster, pressing sloppy kisses on to Sirius' mouth. “I’m close Pads, shit!” his voice punched out of him and he felt Sirius’ squeeze his legs tighter, rutting against him, “Touch yourself, want you to come”

Sirius groaned and shoved his hand between their bodies grasping his cock, “Fuck Remus, i'm gonna.”

“Good,” he snapped his hips harder and Sirius could tell he was close to losing it, “Come on Sirius.”

Hearing Remus call his name tipped Sirius over the edge, and he came hard with a loud cry, splattering his stomach.

“Oh my God, so hot,” Remus gasped as his hips stuttered, his eyes squeezing shut and he came between Sirius’ thighs, breathing hard in to Sirius' open mouth.

“I am absolutely filthy,” Sirius groaned, heart still beating rapidly, as they settled next to each other, running his fingers through the mess on his stomach and then gingerly sticking his hands between his legs, “I need a wash.”

“Hmm, same,” Remus hummed, eyes closed. He reached for Sirius’ hand and took it in his own, “My legs feel like jelly. Do you think its too late to have a bath.”

“Prongs will definitely know what we’ve been doing if have a bath now,” Sirius said, “Although to be fair, he’s probably had to listen to us through the wall for the past,” Sirius checked his watch, “40 minutes. How has it only been 40 minutes, I feel like we’ve been at it for hours.”

“That’s because it was so good,” Remus said, sitting up and tugging Sirius with him, “I’m running the bath, you coming?”

Sirius nodded and swung his legs over the side of the bed, “Gross, we need to change the sheets,” he remarked and Remus gave him a smirk.

“Yeh we do.”

Sirius looked over at Remus, his hair was a mess, he was sweaty and his stomach was tacky with drying come. Sirius thought he’d never seen a better sight in his life, “Does it always feel this good,” he asked.

Remus thought for a minute, making his way round the bed so he could pull Sirius up so they were standing close, “Normally, no, not always,” he answered, “But with you, yes, I think it will always feel this good. I love you, so much.” 

Sirius kissed him.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I missed yesterday

**Town Called Jalice**

**James**

Alice

I think it’s happening!

**Alice**

You think what’s happening?

**James**

Remus and Sirius

I think they’re doing the do!

**Alice**

OMG rly??

Can you hear?

**James**

Yup

Padfoot and I share a wall

and they are NOT being quiet

**Alice**

Eeeek!

Keep me updated!

**James**

I wonder if putting a glass

against the wall actually works?

There’s a lot of talking going on

but it’s all muffled

**Alice**

Well there’s only one way to find out

Go and get a glass!

Where are you??

**James**

Pete caught me on the way back to my room

with the empty glass

☹

He told me I was “Unnaturally invested”

and is making me sleep in his room

**Alice**

Aw man!

**James**

UPDATE

They’re having a bath

Something has definitely gone down!

**Alice**

Or up…

**James**

Or up!

Jinx!

**Alice**

Jinx!

HAHA!

About 45 minutes

Not bad, not bad

**James**

So proud

**My Ride or Die**

**Siriusly**

You nearly done Jam?

**Jam**

Morning lovebug!

And yep

will be home in about 20

**Siriusly**

Brillo

I’m going to tell you something now

so you can spend the next 20 mins

getting the hysteria out of your system

because when you get home

I’m gonna want to talk to you about it

a lot

**Jam**

Ok…

**Siriusly**

Remus and I

had sex last night

**Jam**

I fucking KNEW it!

OMG how was it?

**Siriusly**

James

It was So. Good.

I need you to come snuggle

So I can dissect every minute detail with you

**Jam**

I’m all over this

Want a coffee picking up?

**Siriusly**

Yes you literal angel

**Jam**

Flat white?

**Siriusly**

Obvs

and a chocolate twist too please?

**Jam**

Anything for my man

I’m excited

I told Alice something had gone down

Who has a bath at 2am??

**Siriusly**

Of course you told Alice

**Jam**

Yh?

What else was a supposed to do?

Tell no-one?

You know it would have been physically impossible

for me to do that

**Siriusly**

Fair

Oh and James?

**Jam**

Yeh?

**Siriusly**

We had to have the bath

because I was

F-I-L-T-H-Y

**Jam**

YOU GO GLEN COCO

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Sirius**

Go on then…

**Alice**

AHHHHH!

How was it??

**Sirius**

It was a very nice time

Thank you very much

**Alice**

😊

You’re both so CUTE

I actually can’t stand

James doing your head in yet?

**Sirius**

Nah

I am aware that it weird

but I actually love how invested he is

make me all warm and tingly

**Alice**

Not as warm and tingly

as Remus make you

Ey 😉😉😉

**Sirius**

Hells no

That man

Hot DAMN

**Alice**

Bless you

**Sirius**

Tbh

I’m surprised Jam wasn’t yelling

lewd encouragement

through the wall

**Alice**

Oh he absolutely would have been

but Pete caught him getting a glass

so he could listen through the wall

and made him sleep in with him

**Sirius**

A glass?

Really James

Bit old school

**Alice**

I know

Totally ridiculous behaviour

I mean

Who would even suggest he do such a thing…

\--------------------------------

**Worming Tablets**

**Padfoot**

P-Dawg

You’re a real amigo

You know that?

**Wormtail**

You’re welcome

Was good though

Right?

**Padfoot**

So good Pete

So good

**Wormtail**

Sweet

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Hi baby

You having a nice time with Prongs?

**Pads**

Yes thanks

We made a fort in the living room

and he bought me back a chocolate twist

Hows the lecture?

**Moons**

I have no idea

Can’t concentrate

Can’t stop thinking about last night

**Pads**

God me neither

Keep thinking about you

all sweaty and fucked out

**Moons**

Don’t

The noises you made babe

Making me hard

just thinking about it

**Pads**

Fuck

Show me

**Moons**

****

**Pads**

Shit

What time you finished?

**Moons**

Not until 3

:(

**Pads**

Ohhh I go in at 3

and i'm not done til 5

Might go and have a shower...

**Moons**

Siiiriusss

Without me?

**Pads**

If you're good a boy

You might get your own photo

**Moons**

YES PLEASE

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Alice**

So we're all a go

for Snow White and 7 dwarfs for Halloween?

**James**

Sigh

I suppose

**Marlene**

Only suppose Potter?

**James**

I was hoping Petey would come around

to being a Tinder Match

**Marlene**

tbf 

that would have been HILARIOUS

**Pete**

Snow White and the 7 dwarfs you say?

Sounds good!!!

**Remus**

Who's who??

**Dorcas**

Ok

so we thought

Franks Snow White

James = Doc (as he literally will be one soon enough)

Lils = Happy

Al = Dopey

Pete = Bashful

Marls = Grumpy

Mary = Sneezy

and i'm Sleepy

**James**

Head Dwarf

Sweet!

**Marlene**

Since when has Doc

been Head Dwarf?

**James**

He's CLEARLY

Head Dwarf

btw Frank, you're gonna make a hot Snow White

**Alice**

He says thanks

(and youre damn right he is!!)

**Sirius**

Ooo

if i come get ready at yours

i can do his makeup

when i'm doing mine

**Remus**

Make up??

Bloody hell

**Dorcas**

No

None of your shennaigans

in the group chat pls

**Remus**

What??

I'm just

really pumped for Halloween

**James**

You should be Moony

I've seen the goods

You're getting your moneys worth

**Remus**

Sirius' worth every penny

**Marlene**

You sap

**Lily**

Are we getting matching hats?

**James**

Umm

Yes to matching hats

**Marlene**

Love being matchy matchy

**Pete**

I also vote yes

to matching hats

**Lily**

Fab

Ill get sewing

Boys i'll need to come measure your heads

**Sirius**

EYYYY!!

;)

**Alice  
**

**😂😂**

**Marlene**

I KNEW you'd make that joke

Christ Sake

control your dog Rem

**Remus**

What can i say?

I like them naughty?

**Lily**

OMG Remus!

😝 

**Dorcas**

You've changed

**Sirius**

What can I say

I'm a bad influence

but damn I'm fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Halloween Part 1 of 3


	32. Chapter 32

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Remus**

Morning bitches!

Who’s up for some

full moon fuckery??

**Lily**

That is a VERY

unremus sentiment

u ok hun??

**Marlene**

Lol

**Alice**

I’d go for not Remus?

**Remus**

Yup!

Rem is making us tea and toast

we were up VERY late last night

and now I’m super tired

**Dorcas**

Errrrgh

Its too early

for me to be thinking about

you two smushing all night long

**Remus**

Mind out of the gutter Dorco

We were watching Blue Planet

It was so sad

So we had to watch

The Emperor’s New Groove afterwards

to cheer up

**Alice**

Oh no

Not the pilot whale one?

**Remus**

Yes!!!

Oh my god

I was sobbing!

**Pete**

What happens to the pilot whale?

**Alice**

Its baby dies

and the Mummy swims around with it

for ages

**Pete**

**☹**

**Remus**

Apparently because of pollution

The mummy’s milk was poisonous

**Marlene**

Poor Mummy whale

Poor baby whale!

**Lily**

Now I’m sad too

Is this why James text

at about midnight

Telling me he was never drinking bottled water again?

**Remus**

Yes!

David says he isn’t either

So we must follow his example

**Dorcas**

Love David Attenborough

I would

**Marlene**

He’s like 100 years old??

**Dorcas**

Yh?

**James**

After an older man are you Dorco??

**Dorcas**

And what if I am?

**James**

Oh no judgement here

David was surely a fine specimen

In his hayday

and has just improved with age

like a fine wine

**Remus**

Jam!

You’re back

How was your run?

**James**

Smashed it

Your tea is ready

**Remus**

Rem said I could have it in bed

☹

**James**

Can I come too?

Am only a bit sweaty

**Remus**

Sure!

What’s a bit of sweat

Between bros

**Alice**

That delightful image aside

What time are we doing what?

**Lily**

Tickets for pumpkins say anytime from 10

So leave here about then?

Girls with girls

Boys with boys?

**Marlene**

My life motto right there

I’m down with that

**Alice**

I bet you are…

**Remus**

Ergh

Girls

**Alice**

Really?

Only a month ago

You were the ultimate ladies man

**Remus**

Yeh

But then I got dicked down

By one Remus Lupin

He’s ruined me for all others

**Dorcas**

Oh hell no

Youre way over your third strike

 **_Dorcas_ ** _removed **Remus** from the group_

**Sirius**

Hey pals!

Who’s up for some

Dick or Treating??

**_Dorcas_ ** _removed **Sirius** from the group_

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Remy**

I can’t believe

Sirius got me thrown out

Of the group chat!

I demand a do over

**Marly**

No can do Rem

I put it to the committee

And it did not go in your favour

**Remy**

Why not??

What have I done?

**Marly**

You are an enabler

And therefore by proxy

are banned too

**Remy**

You’ll be hearing from my solicitor

\----------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Lils**

Girls

When the pumpkin bloke

asked for a name to book our slot for carving

Sirius said Lupin

And then he asked for a first name

And Sirius said Sirius

So now our slot is booked under

Sirius Lupin

**Als**

Not gonna lie

It has a nice ring to it

**Marls**

Bless him

I will admit

I was NOT #teamwolfstar

after the shite he pulled with Fabian

but actually

they are so good together

**Lils**

I know

He blushed so hard

when he realised

It was really sweet

**Dorky**

They do really complement each other

Even if Sirius can’t keep

his goddam mouth shut

In the GC

Also

Hurry up Lils

We managed to get a table in the barn

James & Pete have gone to get sourdough pizzas

From that pizza stand

**Lils**

Yum

We’re on our way

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Alice**

Sooooo

Sirius Lupin hey?

**Sirius**

I KNEW Lily had noticed

I didn’t realise he was going to ask for a first name as well ok?

**Alice**

Yeh

But you still gave your name as Lupin…

**Sirius**

We’ve been together

Less than a month

Calm down

I don’t even know why I said Lupin

**Alice**

Siri I’m teasing

**Sirius**

I know I know

Sorry

Now I’m panicking that Remus is gonna see

And think I’m a crazy person

**Alice**

But you are a crazy person…

**Sirius**

Screw you Fortescue!

(Love you)

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Pete**

@James

@Lily

Where are you?

Its our turn for vegetable modelling!

**Lily**

We’re coming

James is just finishing off stringing his chilis

**Dorcas**

Is it,,,

Is that a euphemism for something…?

**Lily**

Ha. Ha.

**Marlene**

We’re putting you and James

on a team with the lovebirds

**Lily**

Aw man

How many penis jokes has Sirius made already?

**Marlene**

Oh at least 5

And we’ve only been here a couple of minutes

**James**

He does love a penis joke

We see you

OMG check out the size of that marrow!

**Dorcas**

That’s what she said

Last night.

**Pete**

BOOOOOOOO

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

You’re so cute

**Pads**

Thanks?

**Moons**

I love you

**Pads**

I love you too

**Moons**

Want to come do the apple bobbing with me?

**Pads**

Ok

😊

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Alice**

Grand day out

Thanks guys and gals!

**Pete**

Twas

I very much enjoyed stuffing my face

with all the free samples

**Lily**

You’re waistcoat better fit still Peter Pettigrew!

I was up all night finishing them!

**Marlene**

And bloody awesome they are too Lils

Can people send their pumpkin pictures plsssss

Wanna do a post for the ‘gram

**Alice**

****

its lookin cracker lackin

with its candle in

**Dorcas**

****

Joint effort from Lil, Pete and me

**James**

Was super fun!

Thanks Lils for sorting!

Mine

And R & S

**Lily**

No worries!

Thank you for taking me to pick up the tickets yesterday!

**Alice**

Ahh man

I'd already forgotton

how much i LOVE

Remus' pig!

**Pete**

Sirius says he’ll be over in 10

to get ready with you lot

apparently he needs your womanly ways

to guide him

**Dorcas**

God help us all…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for Part 2!


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lil' bit of raunchiness ahead

**Private Message**

**James**

Me, Rem and Pete are just leaving now

😊

**Lily**

Fab

I think we’re more or less good to go

just waiting on Sirius and Al

who are doing god knows what

in her room

**James**

Lol

Which skirt did you decide on

in the end?

**Lily**

The demin one

am worried people will think it’s a bit short

with the waistcoast

but hey

you only live once!

**James**

Exactly!

And anyway

if you like it

who gives a toss what anybody else thinks!

Bet you look great

**Lily**

Ha!

Well maybe not great

but as one of the seven dwarfs go

it’s a pretty good look

**James**

I’m excited to get my waistcoat

and hat

mainly the hat

I love a good hat

**Lily**

Well hurry your arse up then

Your hat awaits!

\-----------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Honey you nearly done

Jam’s just called the taxis

they’ll be here in 20

**Pads**

Yep nearly ready

Als just doing my hair

Are you wearing the cloak?

**Moons**

Yes I’m wearing the cloak

I like swishing it

**Pads**

And the basket?

**Moons**

I will pose for a photo with you

with the basket

but I’m not taking the basket with me

to the club

it’ll get annoying and I’ll clearly lose it

**Pads**

Fair enough

**Moons**

Also I chickened out going shirtless

I’m wearing one of your white t-shirts

**Pads**

Booooo

But also

Yum

How tight is it??

**Moons**

Not toooo bad

Not as tight my trousers

at any rate

Anyway

Stop texting and hurry up

**Pads**

So bossy

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Dorky**

OH MY GOD  
LOOK at Lupins face!!

**Lils**

When Sirius walked in the room

**😂**

I have NEVER seen someone stand up so fast

**Marls**

He looks like it might actually

just explode

ya know

from his dick

**Als**

What. An. Image

**Dorky**

Good job on his hair Al!

**Als**

It looks SO good doesn’t it??

I’d do anything for hair like his

**Marls**

What does the tag on the collar say??

I want to go look

but I’m worried Rem

might growl and/or eat me

**Lils**

LOL

Its Sirius

who’s the Big Bad Wolf

**Als**

It says ‘Property of Remus Lupin’

And I think it p. obvious

what Remus wants to eat…

**Dorky**

Jesus wept

I don’t blame him though

Sirius looks fucking phenomenal

I’d die to have legs that look like that in leather hot pants

**Lils**

Samesies

Just a thought

Maybe not have them in the same taxi??

**Marls**

Oh absolutely agree

I feel things would get

NSFW

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

How much do you want to go clubbing?

I think we should go home

**Pads**

What? Why?

You ok??

**Moons**

I am fine

I am beyond fine

I would just REALLY

like to go home

**Pads**

I don’t get it

**Moons**

Sirius

I would really like

to take you home

where there is nobody else around

**Pads**

Oooohh

I’m sure you can cope for a couple of hours Remusaur

**Moons**

I actually don’t think I can

Your legs in those fishnets

Those hot pants

the furry ears

That fucking corset

You’re the hottest thing I have EVER seen

**Pads**

No you

Although I still think you should take the t-shirt off

**Moons**

I’d take it off

if we were at home

**Pads**

LOL

Jam just texted

to say you’re pouting

that’s my move

**Moons**

You’re enjoying

that you’re driving me crazy

aren’t you

**Pads**

Little bit

**Moons**

I love your hair like that

Its just the right length

to be pulled from behind

**Pads**

Fuck Rem

We can have quick snog when we get there

to take the edge off yeh?

**Moons**

Yeh ok

I can’t believe they made us go

in different taxis

**Pads**

I would DEFINTELY be in your lap by now

If we’d gone in the same one

**Moons**

Such a good boy

and all mine

Property of Remus Lupin

**Pads**

Always a good boy for you

I’d do anything you wanted

Anything

**Moons**

Shit we need to stop

James has definitely noticed how hard I am

**Pads**

Yeh ok

Fuck me I need a drink

\------------------------------

**Wolfbucks**

**Jamie**

You can’t siriusly have a boner right now?

**Rem**

James

Did you see him

He looked like a walking wet dream

I’m hanging on a knife edge here

**Jamie**

What’s he saying??

Remus Lupin!

Are you pouting??!!

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Pete**

Me and Mary have managed to get a booth

**Marlene**

Pete you actual saint

Where abouts??

**Pete**

Upstairs

In that side room thing

So we can actually hear each other talk

Although for some reason

there are literally no lights on

So its ridiculously dark

**James**

Atmosphere innit Pete

I reckon we double up on beverages

the bars manic

**Lily**

Good plannage James

**Dorcas**

Plannage…

**Marlene**

Plannage!

**Alice**

Give me a sec…

*screenshot*

**_James_ **

_What’s the plannage ladies?_

**_Lily_ **

_Plannage_

_Really James?_

_Come to ours for 8ish?_

**Pete**

😂

**Lily**

Shut up

I’m having fun

**James**

Aww

Don’t make fun of Lils

She’s learnt from the best

**Alice**

Love you Lils

Also

Who’s going to be the one to tell

pinky and perky sucking face over there

that we’re going upstairs

**James**

I honestly think

We could leave them there all night

and they wouldn’t notice we’ve gone

**Marlene**

They really are going for it aren’t they…

**Pete**

Someone tell them

Sex is cleaner, with a packaged wiener

**James**

YES PETE!

**Pete**

I think Bashful’s drunk

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Dorky**

Lily

I don’t want to put a downer on your night

but me and Marls have just seen Sev and his lot

**Lils**

Oh FFS

Where?

I asked him if he wanted to come

He rolled his eyes

and said it sounded horrific

**Marls**

Well they’re all here

We saw them sitting at a table on our way up

**Lils**

I’m just going to ignore him

ARGH!

Why does he have to be like this

I knew I should have talked to him about everything before tonight

**Als**

No don’t blame yourself

You asked him if he wanted to come

He said no

It’s not your fault he changed his mind

And DIDN’T TELL YOU

**Dorky**

Agree with Al

Just enjoy your night

Try not to think about him

We decided it would be better to talk to him after tonight

So you COULD enjoy it

**Marls**

Its bloody weird that he didn’t tell you he was coming

Im team #ignorehim

**Lils**

Ok you’re right

I was having fun

I’m not going to let him ruin it

Love you girls

\-----------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

Moons can you stop!!

**Moons**

What?

I’m not doing anything!

**Pads**

The way you’re looking at me!

Its making me all flustered

**Moons**

I can’t help it

You sticking your tongue down my throat

didn’t help at all

Its made it like 100 x worse!

**Pads**

Come sit on my lap

**Moons**

I don’t want to sit on your lap

I want to pin you up against the wall

**Pads**

God that’s hot

Please throw me up against anything and everything

**Moons**

I want to suck you off

**Pads**

Shit

Now?

**Moons**

Yes

Please?

You can lock the main door of the two cubicle bathroom

Please?

**Pads**

Buggering fuck Rem

How much have you had to drink?

**Moons**

Just the beer I had at the girls

I can’t concentrate on anything else apart from you

Please Pads?

I want you so bad

**Pads**

Yeh

Yeh ok

Shit

Let’s go

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Marlene**

When was the last time

Anyone had sight of

Little Red Riding Rem

and his Big Bad Wolf??

**Alice**

They disappeared about 10 mins ago

without saying anything

**James**

HA!

Rem practically dragged Padfoot away

So I think it’s a safe bet as to what

they’re getting up to

**Dorcas**

Guys!

I’m in the loo

in one of the cubicles

and Remus and Sirius have just come in

and locked the main door

**Lily**

Ohhh boy

**James**

God speed Dorco

God speed

**Dorcas**

Oh my God

What do i do?

Do i go out and stop them?

Help!

I’m too young to die!


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by something @rubywallace25 said, a bonus chapter - 2.5/3 of Halloween

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Dorcas**

Oh my God

What do i do?

Do i go out and stop them?

Help?

I’m too young to die!

**Marlene**

I think it’s a lie back

and think of England situ

I’m afraid

**James**

Yup

Marls is right

There is literally no stopping them

once they’ve started

Am I right Wormy??

**Pete**

VERY unfortunately

I can say

that from first hand experience

Prongs is indeed correct

**Dorcas**

Well this is the last time

I sneak into the gents loos

Because the queue for the ladies is too long

They didn’t even check if the cubicles were empty!!

**Lily**

Yes well

I feel their blood

Is currently not directed

upwards

**Alice**

I can think of some things

that are directed upwards…

**Dorcas**

Sigh

I shall just stay here

Sat on the toilet then I suppose

Wow

It sounds like they’re actually eating each other’s faces

**Marlene**

Grim

No need for a running commentary

**Dorcas**

Ummm

There absolutely is

If I have to suffer this

You all have to suffer with me

**Pete**

But Prongs and I have to suffer it all the time!

**Dorcas**

Tough

All I can really see through the gap

is Rem’s red cloak swinging about

Oh

The cloak’s come off

Sirius says fuck a lot doesn’t he

He has just full on

ripped Remus’ t-shirt off

I heard the actual ripping

tbf it was too tight to begin with

I can confirm

that Remus is a BIG fan

of your French plait Al

**Alice**

Yaaay!

**Dorcas**

I can also confirm

That Sirius is a big fan

of having the French plait pulled

They’re very vocal aren’t they!

**Pete**

Yes

**James**

Yes

**Dorcas**

Just out of interest

How long can I expect

this show to last??

**James**

Well that depends

Sometimes its minutes

But other nights I can get through a whole chapter

of my audio book of Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Before they’re done

**Dorcas**

By the sounds of things

I think we’re heading for the former

And I for one

Am very happy about that

**Lily**

I think we’re all

very happy about that

**Dorcas**

Oh i think we may be onto the main event

Oh dear

Trouble getting the hot pants off

Rem does not have time for this shit

Oh boys really?

In a club loo?

Right in front of my cubicle

Well at least one of them

has shut the fuck up

I guess can why…

Yep

Definitely know why

Apparently Remus’ mouth looks obscene

Will take Sirius’ word for it

Good Christ Rem!

Calm your boots

There no need to choke yourself

Oh my bad

Seems as though Sirius got a bit excited

Sorry Remus

Nope!

I take it back

Remus would like him ‘to wreck him’

The noise that just came out of Sirius’ mouth

makes me believe he’s game

How are Remus’ knees not getting sore??

I suppose he has other things to be worrying about

You know

Like trying to breathe and stuff

You all still with me?

**Marlene**

Shhhh

if we don’t text anything

she might STOP

**Dorcas**

No chance

I think we’re reaching

The grand finale

Oh God

Oh my God

Nothing

and I mean NOTHING  
prepared me to hear Sirius tell Remus

to put a finger in

I can hear MORE sucking noises

I’m guessing that’s Rem’s fingers

In Sirius’ mouth

Op careful Remus 

The poor boys gagging on them 

Seems to quite like it mind

Jesus wept

The strangled humming noise

Rem is making

I need some holy water

Thank God

After a particularly obscene moan from Sirius

I think we’re done here

Errrrrrgh

They’re back to slobbering all over each others faces

Man this bathroom is echoey

Rem’s voice is completely destroyed!

Boy obviously put in a lot of effort

Shit

I’ve just thought

Is Sirius going to repay the favour??

Am I going to have sit through an encore of this hell?

**James**

Nah

I don’t reckon so…

**Dorcas**

Oh no

We’re good

Apparently blowing Sirius

is enough to get Remus off

and hands free none the less!

Highly disturbing that you were able to call that James

FFS

Stop giggling and pawing at each other

And get the fuck out of the bathroom

I still haven’t washed my hands

Excellent

Remus is all sticky

Something I didn’t need to know

If I hadn’t just had to listen to them

defiling this bathroom

I would be willing to admit

that they are incredibly sweet together

I mean I can actually feel the love

They have left

Look forward to a now shirtless sticky trousered Remus

and a very smug looking Sirius

coming your way

Well folks

I think we can safetly say

that I can never look either of them in the face ever again

I need approx. 100 shots of tequila

Who’s with me?

**Marlene**

Me

**Alice**

Me

**Lily**

Me

**Pete**

Me

**James**

I think we’ll buy a bottle


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a heavy one - be aware that there is a homophonic slur used in the chapter. If you don't want to read it, it the two sentences towards the end after the following: “Yeh I’m fine,” Sirius answered as James said, “No worries mate, lets go.”  
> Love you guys!

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Lily**

James says apart from the Tequila

anyone want anything else

from the bar??

**Alice**

Frankie says can he have a peroni please

and do you guys need more hands?

**Lily**

Yeh that would be great actually

**Alice**

He’s on his way

**Lily**

S and R made it back yet?

**Marlene**

Yep

Just reappeared

Dorcas asked them where they’d been

and Rem said ‘getting some air’

😂 

**Lily**

OMG that’s hilarious

**Dorcas**

He definitely wasn’t getting much air

I should know

I was there

**Lily**

What about his t-shirt though?

**Marlene**

Tragically his shirt was irrevocably ruined

when someone bumped into him

and spilled their drink

**🙄**

**Pete**

They’re such dweebs

When can we tell them?

Now?

**Marlene**

Nah

Let them have this tonight

Be more fun to tell them

In the cold light of day

**Dorcas**

I like the way you think McKinnon

They’ve gone off to dance now anyway

**Lily**

Bless them

Just on our way back

we have much booze

**Dorcas**

Excellent

Let the trying to erase all memories of the past half an hour

commence!

**Alice**

Woop woop!

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Sev**

As we’re both here

I suppose you might as well come and sit with us

**Lily**

No!

You said you didn’t want to come tonight!

I don’t want to come and sit with your friends

when I’ve come with mine

**Sev**

Don’t be ridiculous Lily

You can’t seriously plan to spend the rest of the evening

with that lot

they’re all horrifically drunk

**Lily**

They’re not ‘horrifically drunk’

That’s what having a good time with your mates looks like

not that you’d know

**Sev**

Belligerence doesn’t look good on you

**Lily**

Yes well

Being an arrogant twat doesn’t look good on you

Look Sev

I’m not fighting with you via text

Just let me get on with my night

and you get on with yours

and we’ll talk on Sunday like we said

**Sev**

What’s there to talk about?

You’re making a huge mistake

associating yourself with those sorts of people

I’m only saying this because I care about you

You’d be much better off with us

**Lily**

What the fuck Sev

Those sorts of people??

Last time I checked I was one of those people!

**Sev**

Yes and I’m trying to tell you that you don’t have to be

I’m trying to help

**Lily**

What’s that supposed to mean?

I don’t need any ‘help’

**Sev**

Have you seen what Black is wearing?

It’s totally inappropriate

and his ‘boyfriend’ trailing after him

like a dog

Its embarrassing

**Lily**

Its Halloween Severus

You’re supposed to dress up

He looks fucking amazing

And as for the ‘boyfriend’ comment

I really hope I’m misreading

your tone

**Sev**

Oh don’t be so melodramatic

I’ll come to you if you’re going to have a hissy fit about it

**Lily**

Please don’t

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**James**

Everything ok?

Looking pretty serious

**Lily**

I’m fine

**James**

Sure?

**Lily**

Argh

No not really

Sev’s here and we’re fighting

**James**

Oh

I’m really sorry to hear that

**Lily**

No you’re not

**James**

You’re right

I’m not

But I am sorry if you’re upset about it

**Lily**

I’m not upset

I’m annoyed

Just wish he wasn’t here you know?

**James**

Yeh I get that

Just ignore it for now

try and enjoy the night

we’ve got a lot of tequila to get through!

**Lily**

Yeh we do!

\------------------------------

“Oh for fucks sake,” Lily muttered under her breath as she watched Sev elbowing his way through the crowd towards their table, stopping directly in front of it, “I really don’t want to speak to you right now Sev. I just want to get drunk and enjoy the night.”

“How classy of you,” Sev said, looking at her with a raised eyebrow, “You look… interesting.”

“I look fucking awesome, thank you very much,” she threw back another shot of tequila and stood up, looking to the others, “I’m going to dance, who’s coming?”

“Me!” both Dorcas and Marlene chorused, making their way round the table, Dorcas helping Alice to tug a grinning Frank out of his chair, “Come on Snow White, it seems some dwarves need your assistance on the dance floor.”

Lily grinned and began clambering over the chairs that were blocking her way and then linking her arm with Marlene. She turned around, “You coming, Jam?”

“Uh, yeh, ok,” James said, looking both surprised and pleased at the same time, “don’t want to be left third wheeling,” he glanced to his right where Mary and Pete were cosied up together, totally oblivious to anyone else around them. He stood up, his chair bumping in to Sev’s shins, “Sorry mate,” James said apologetically, “could you move back a bit.”

Severus rolled his eyes, turning back to Lily, “Lily you’re being ridiculous, can you please just come and sit with me, and for God’s sake pull your skirt down!”

“What the fuck?” Marlene said angrily, “Come on Lils,” and she began to tug Lily towards the dance floor. Alice looked Sev dead on, hiked up her skirt a little more and shot him a wink,

“Could be shorter, don’t you think?” she sing songed as she pushed past him to join the others. 

Sev hurried after them looking irritated and reached out, grabbing Lily by her wrist and pulling her back. She stumbled slightly before wrenching out of his grip and shoving him hard with both hands on his chest.

“Get your hands off me,” she fumed, “I don’t want to sit with you, I didn’t even want to see you tonight. For once just let me do what I want to do.”

“Stop making a scene,” Sev hissed. He paused before plastering a smile on his face, “I’m asking you nicely to come and sit with me and my friends.”

“No.”

“Lily,” he huffed, his voice adopting an exasperated tone, “I’m not going to ask again.” He took a step towards her but as he did so James moved so he was blocking his way.

“Leave it alone mate, you heard what she said, she obviously doesn’t want to speak to you right now,” he said politely, but the undercurrent in his voice threatened something.

Sev looked James up and down, “I really don’t think its anything to do with you, _mate_ ,” he said, “What are you, her bodyguard?”

“No, I’m her friend, and as her friend, I’m telling you to back the fuck off.”

“Friend?! Don’t make me laugh, I’ve seen you, sniffing around her like a dog, just dying to get into her knickers.”

“Severus, that enough!” Lily said sharply, “James come on. She turned to look at Severus, “We’ll talk about this on Sunday, but for now I don’t want to see you for the rest of the night.”

For the second time that evening Sev rolled his eyes, “You can’t really be choosing this moron over me right now?” He reached out to take her hand, “Come on Lily, we’re keeping everyone waiting.”

“For the last fucking time, she said no,” James’ voice was low as he squared up to Sev, his 6ft 1” form towering over him.

“Everything alright Prongs?” came Remus’ voice from behind. He and Sirius were making their way across the room towards them, Remus’ arm snug around Sirius’ waist while Sirius had his hand in one of the back pockets of Remus’ jeans, they were both flushed from dancing. 

“Yeh everything’s fine Rem,” James answered, “Severus was just leaving.”

“Oh good, Beauty and the Brawn have made an appearance” Sev sneered, “You and Black here could start an owners club Lily.”

“What the fucks that meant to mean?” Sirius said, stepping forward to join James.

“Oh nothing,” Sev said in a saccharine tone as he eyed Remus’ chest distainfully where several new lovebites were blooming on his collar bones, “You should be careful you know.”

“Oh get in the fucking sea,” Dorcas piped up from where she was standing with Lily and Marlene, “Come on lads, lets leave this douchenozzle to crawl back in to his hole.”

Remus was still looking at Sev confused, “What are you on about?”

“Ignore him Re,” Sirius said, slipping his hand in to one of Remus’ and bringing it up to press a kiss to his knuckles, “He’s clearly insane.”

“I think that it won’t be necessary for us to talk on Sunday Lily,” Sev said, looking down at Remus and Sirius’ linked hands, “You’re obviously past helping if you’d rather associate with people like this.”

“People like what?” Remus growled pulling himself up to his full height, looking almost comically taller than the other man.

“I mean, its bad enough that you’re fawning all over each other in public, making a total mockery of yourselves but when one of you is dressed like that,” he gestured towards Sirius who had now put an arm out across Remus’ chest to stop him moving forward, “well, it’s no wonder his parents want nothing to do with him. I know I wouldn’t.”

“How do you know what my parents think?” Sirius spat.

“Oh we talk about it all the time,” Sev said, looking immensely satisfied with himself, “Bellatrix reckons its all an act,”

“Of course you know Bellatrix,”

Sev smirked at Sirius and then looked at Remus, “She reckons Black’s paying you to play along just to wind his parents up. But maybe not, perhaps it’s the other way round, perhaps you’ve realised you’re on to a good thing, everyone knows Blacks are loaded, I mean why else put yourself through whatever the hell that is,” he gestured towards Sirius again.

“Remus no!” James shouted as Remus launched himself towards Sev, knocking Sirius out the way. He managed to grab Remus’ raised fist pulling it behind his back holding him steady as Sirius righted himself and gripped him firmly by the hips from behind. 

“He’s not worth it Rem,” Sirius murmured soothingly into Remus’ ear, “Don’t give him the satisfaction.”

Remus was breathing hard but his shoulder slumped slightly and James let go of his arm, “You’re right, sorry Prongs. You alright babe?”

“Yeh I’m fine,” Sirius answered as James said, “No worries mate, lets go.”

The group turned to walk away but Sev called after them, “This is your last chance Lily, walk away now and you can forget about running to me when you realise you’re left with nothing but a group of morons and two disgusting fags.”

There was a roar of fury and before anyone else knew what had happened James had turned back and sunk his fist into the side of Sev’s face, hard. 

“How dare you, you homophobic piece of shit,” he raised his fist again as Sirius, Remus and Frank rushed forward to try and stop him.

“James don’t,” Lily shrieked running forward and grabbing his arm.

“Let go of me,” James shouted, shaking her off and landing another blow to the opposite side of Sev’s face, knocking him to the ground. 

The people around them began to move out of the way as two bouncers came hurrying towards them, one grabbing James by the collar and hauling him backwards while the other took hold of both Sirius and Remus. 

“You four, out!” the one holding James shouted and began marching them towards the doors.

From where he was sprawled on the ground Severus sat up, he looked towards Lily.

“How could you Sev,” she said angrily, rubbing tears from her eyes.

“That bastard punched me!” Sev said in disbelief, “You can’t seriously be blaming me for this? It’s not like what I said wasn’t true!”

Lily starred down at him, a resolute expression on her face, her eyes glinting dangerously in the darkness.

“You know what Sev? Go fuck yourself. It’s over.”

She turned and walked away, Alice, Marlene and Dorcas following, leaving Sev sat on the floor with blood dripping freely from his nose and two bruises making themselves known on each cheek.


	36. Chapter 36

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Where are you?

I’m cold and lonely

I need someone to spoon me

☹

**Pads**

Sorry Remusaur

Didn’t think you’d be awake any time soon

I’m doing a coffee run with Prongs

**Moons**

Pete woke me up

He fell over on the way to the loo

And yelled

Cucumbers

**Pads**

Umm

Why?

**Moons**

No idea

J ok?

**Pads**

He’s a bit quiet

Which does not suit him

Says hes still fuming about last night

He’s furious about the whole Snape thing

but he’s also cross with himself for losing his cool

**Moons**

Don’t know what to say

Can you tell him I’m sorry?

**Pads**

What for??

**Moons**

Well he only punched Sev

because of us

I feel guilty

**Pads**

You feel guilty that Snape

turned out to be a homophobic bastard?

Or because we’re together?

**Moons**

No!

Of course not!

I don’t know

I just feel bad

**Pads**

I don’t

I don’t like that Jam is feeling shit

but I don’t feel bad

that that twat couldn’t handle the fact that we’re happy

together

That’s his problem

**Moons**

Yeh I guess

**Pads**

I’m not going to hide who I am

and people like Snape can burn in hell if they think I’m going to change

because they think its ‘disgusting’ or whatever

**Moons**

Oh Padfoot

I wish I could be more like you

**Pads**

Nah

I like you just as you are

Just

Don’t be ashamed of it

Yeh?

**Moons**

I’m trying

You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me you know?

**Pads**

And you me

But you already know that

**Moons**

I know I said it last night

but I’m really really sorry for shoving you

**Pads**

I told you it’s all good Rem

Was kinda hot anyway

You charging forward to protect my honour

**Moons**

Reckon he was just jealous anyway

You’re ok about all of that crap he said too right?

**Pads**

Yeh

I mean

I’m not delighted at the idea of Bellatrix and co

talking about us but what can I do about it?

I’m not delighted about being a Black at all

but it’s not like I can do anything about that either

**Moons**

Sure

Well as long as you’re ok

I’m ok

Love you

**Pads**

Love you too

We’ll be back in 10

Got you a peppermint hot chocolate

**Moons**

You’re my very own star

**Pads**

And I’m gonna shine god damit!

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Lily**

Hi James

Just checking you’re ok?

**James**

Yes I’m fine

**Lily**

Ok

Just

You were pretty cross last night

**James**

And?

I think I had every right to be

**Lily**

I’m not saying you didn’t

**James**

Look I’m not going to apologise for punching him

he deserved it

he deserved more than a fucking punch tbh

I’m sorry if you don’t agree

but you’re just going to have to deal with it

**Lily**

James!

Calm down

I was going to say I’m sorry about what he said

**James**

I don’t know why you’re apologising

It wasn’t you who said it

Unless you feel the same

In which case we’re done here

**Lily**

Of course I don’t!

You really think that?

**James**

No

I’m sorry

That wasn’t fair

I guess I’m still a little wound up about it all

**Lily**

I don’t blame you

What he said was totally abhorrent

But you must know I don’t share his views AT ALL

**James**

Yeh I do

Sorry Lily

That was a stupid thing to say

**Lily**

That’s ok

You know how much I love Remus and Sirius

Especially as a couple

And Marlene’s my best friend!

**James**

You shouldn’t be apologising for him you know

**Lily**

I know

But

I just feel like this is all my fault

Because I was the one who introduced him into the group

I NEVER would have gone there

If I knew he would turn out to be a bigoted twat

**James**

You weren’t to know

Don’t feel guilty

Theres enough of that going round

But

And I know this isn’t any my business really

Please don’t tell me

You’re going to carry on seeing him

**Lily**

James

I literally told him to go fuck himself

As he was lying on his back

On the floor

It couldn’t be more over

**James**

Good

I’m glad

I cannot emphasis enough

How much better you can then him

You’re so kind and so clever

Not to mention so beautiful

And he was none of those things

**Lily**

Thank James

Although I don’t know about that

I feel like an idiot for not seeing through him

**James**

No don’t

These people are like that

Unfortunately you won’t be the last

**Lily**

Ergh

What a penis

**James**

Yep

Anyway

Remus and Pete have just finished making a blanket fort

So I’m gonna go snuggle with my boys

**Lily**

Cute! 

Have fun

Maybe speak later?

**James**

Yeh that would be nice

In a bit

**Lily**

X

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Alice**

So

Last night was A Thing.

**Sirius**

It was indeed

Everyone ok your end?

**Alice**

Yeh we’re good

**Lily**

I know I’ve said this to lots of you already

But Remus, Sirius

I’m so sorry about Severus

You know that I don’t agree with ANYTHING he said

Don’t you?

**Remus**

Oh Lils

Of COURSE we do

Don’t apologise for him

**Sirius**

Yeh

We love you Lily

You’re welcome in our fort for cuddles anytime

**Lily**

Thanks boys

I might just take you up on that offer

😊

**Dorcas**

How is the fort lads?

**Sirius**

SO NICE

We have deployed many fairy lights

Feels like a Christmas Grotto

**Dorcas**

Love a grotto

We should def go to one this year!

**James**

Yes!

We should find a good one and have a day out

**Lily**

Def up for that

We can meet Father Christmas

**Pete**

Oh my God

That’s just reminded me

Of that bloke who was dressed as Father Christmas last night!

**Marlene**

HAHAHA!

I’d forgotten about him!

He was totally rat arsed!

**James**

He was an absolute legend

I think I’ve still got my candy cane on my waistcoat pocket

**Remus**

I don’t remember a Father Christmas?

I can’t believe I missed out on candy canes!

Where was I?

**Alice**

Ahhhh yes

You were *ahem*

“Getting Some Air”

**Remus**

Oh right

Boo

**Lily**

Yes

the “Air”

How was the “Air?”

**James**

Now Lils

Don’t be COCKY

Sometimes

A man just need a

Nice, DEEP lungful of “Air”

that can be felt right at the back of the throat

**Sirius**

Why are you being weird?

**Pete**

Dorcas

Would you like to do the honours?

I’ll warn you though lads

It may be HARD

For you to SWALLOW

**Alice**

OMG Pete!

🤣

Got you HEAD in the game this morning I see

**James**

Can’t breathe

Send help

**Remus**

What the hell guys

Why are James and Pete hysterical?

**Marlene**

We’ll let Dorky tell you

Although I warn you

Its going to bring you to your knees…

**Lily**

😂😂😂

**James**

OMG STOP

**Pete**

😂

**Remus**

Oh no

**Dorcas**

Oh yes Rem

Oh yes

Just figuring out how to explain this

You see

It’s a bit of a mouthful

**Alice**

THIS IS THE BEST DAY

**Dorcas**

Theres only one thing for it

_*insert voice recording*_

**Sirius**

Oh fuck me

**James**

THAT’S WHAT HE SAID LAST NIGHT

**Remus**

Oh my God

PLEASE don’t tell me that’s what I think it is

Dorcas

What the hell?????

**Dorcas**

I was in the loo

You great prunes

You didn’t even check the cubicles before locking the door!!

**Remus**

How long were you there for??

**Dorcas**

Did you see me leave??

**Sirius**

No…

But I was preoccupied

**Lily**

We know!

Dorcas sent us a blow by blow account

Literally

**Marlene**

🤣🤣

**James**

Blow. By. Blow.

**Pete**

For the first time in his life

Padfoot has actually been rendered speechless

**Sirius**

Not going to lie

We sound hot

But Dorks

I am so

SO sorry

**Remus**

I’m not

**Alice**

Rem?

**Remus**

Well

I’m sorry

we didn’t check the loos

And that we’ve probs given Dorco nightmares for the rest of her life

but I’m not sorry for doing it

I mean

Can you blame me?

Did you SEE my boyfriend last night?

**Marlene**

I’m bizzarely proud of you Rem

What’s brought this on?

**Remus**

Well a very wise

(and very hot) boy

Told me not to be ashamed of who we are

So I figured its now or never

**James**

Too right lads

**Pete**

We love you both

Even though I am deleting that voice recording off my phone

Asap

**Alice**

You’re the best

And I don’t know about anyone else

The way Sirius looked last night

I know I would

**Lily**

🙌

**Dorcas**

It was a very impressive show

Tbh I was a bit jealous

Sirius?

**Remus**

He’s got all emotional

He says will you come round

And join in the fort fun?

**Dorcas**

That sounds like the perfect way to spend a rainy Saturday

**Marlene**

We’ll bring snacks

We love you guys

**Sirius**

We love you too


	37. Chapter 37

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Remus**

I’m going to do a toad in the hole

Instead of a roast this eve

If that’s ok with everyone?

**Alice**

Yes!

Love a good toad

**Lily**

Ooo me too!

Can we still have gravy though?

**Sirius**

Obviously

What’s a toad

without caramelized onion gravy

and a bottle of Burgundy?

**Dorcas**

Yeh Lily

God

**James**

I always get confused

Between a Bordeaux

and a Burgundy

**Marlene**

I can barely tell the different

between red and white

**Sirius**

You uncouth riff raff

For starters Bordeaux and Burgundy

are totally different regions in France

A Bordeaux is a mainly a blend of Sauvignon Blanc and Semillon

Whilst in a Burgundy the main grape varieties are Chardonnay and Pinot Noir

**Dorcas**

How do you know so much about this??

**Sirius**

Half French remember?

Dad used to drone on about wine ALL the time

we used to spend summers in France

**Marlene**

I sometimes forget you’re an actual posh person

Can you reeeally taste any difference though?

Wine is wine

**James**

He just audibly gasped

and is now mumbling in French

sounds well sexy

**Remus**

I for one

Am not mad about that

Def something I would like to look into further babe

**Sirius**

😉

**Alice**

Rem getting himself some French lovin’

on a sunny Sunday morn

Nice

**Pete**

Which bit is the toad

and which bit is the hole?

**Lily**

Morning Pete!

And

What??

**Pete**

In toad in the hole

Which bit is the toad

And which bit is the hole

**Lily**

Oh yeh

Umm

I’d go for the sausage is the toad

and the Yorkshire is the hole?

But I’m open to having my mind changed

**James**

I’d go with that

The sausages are like

little toads peering out from a crevice

in a battery pond

**Dorcas**

UUUGGGGHHH

I HATE the word crevice

🤮

**Marlene**

Lol

Noted for future reference

Total change in subject

but on our walk home yesterday

we picked a shit ton of apples

Could they be turned into some sort of delicious pudding?

**Sirius**

If we’re talking apple related confections

Remember

We don’t want another repeat of #crumblegate

**Alice**

I’m still not over that tbh

I haven’t been able to fully trust apple based deserts since

**James**

It was one time!

☹

I thought it would be ok

**Dorcas**

James

You didn’t have enough apples

so you topped them up with cabbage

How was that going to be ok?

**James**

They’re the same colour!

And I figured no-one would notice when it was all mushed together

**Remus**

But we did notice Jam

We did notice

**Alice**

I vote Lils does the crumble

Her crumbly bit is always yum

**Sirius**

That’s

What he said last night?

Does that work?

**Marlene**

Possibly not

No

**Sirius**

Meh

Worth a try

But yes

Lily do crumble

Remusaur do toad

I’ll get wine

James stay the hell out of the kitchen

**Lily**

Sounds good to me!

**Remus**

Laters, taters

**Sirius**

You’re so cute I just want to smush your face

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Lily**

If you promise to keep it a secret

Do you want to come and help me do the crumble?

😊

**James**

Ooooo

Yes please!

Reckon I’d made a super soux chef

**Lily**

Haha

If you grab a packet of digestive biscuits on your way over

I’ll let you peel AND chop the apples

**James**

My dreams are coming true

I’ll nip out now

Does anyone want anything else?

**Lily**

Alice says Haribo Tangfastics

**James**

An excellent choice

I’ll come over about 1ish

Rem and Padfoot are going to say goodbye the kittens

So they can drop me off on the way

**Lily**

Sounds good

X

**James**

X

\------------------------------

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

I’m heading to little tesco

Anyone want anything?

**Wormtail**

We need more loo roll

Padfoot used the last of it wrapping up the cats presents

🙄

**Prongs**

Classic Padfoot

**Moony**

Can I have a twix please?

**Wormtail**

Ooo

I want a twix too pls

**Prongs**

I’ll just get a multipack shall i?

Also Rem and S

Can I bum a lift to the girls?

When you go to the garden centre

**Padfoot**

Sure

Who ya goin’ to see…?

**Prongs**

I am going to help Lily

with pudding

**Moony**

ARE you now!

**Prongs**

Yes I am

I sure we will have a very delightful time

**Padfoot**

Oh I BET you will

Helping the girl of your dreams

make an apple crumble

you PLAYER

**Wormtail**

Lol

**Moony**

Seriously though Prongs

You do seem to be getting on very well…

And the gross boyfriend has been binned

**Prongs**

ARGH I don’t know

I mean we were talking a bit before the whole Sev thing

as in talking without her rolling her eyes continuously

but shes literally been single for one day

**Padfoot**

I do think Rem’s right though

And don’t think I didn’t clock the two of you

getting cosy during fort times yesterday

At one point your hand was on her leg

**Wormtail**

Yes

But his other hand was on my leg

Upper thigh

To be precise

**Prongs**

I thrive on physical contact Wormy

Its not my fault you’re irresistible

**Moony**

Its true

Wormy’s a snack

**Padfoot**

Yeh

That’s fair

**Prongs**

I guess I don’t want to be that guy

Who just goes charging in there

To find that she is very much just

Trying to friendzone me

**Padfoot**

But you love charging in

Its your fav

**Moony**

For what its worth

I don’t think she is

but I get what you mean

**Prongs**

I just don’t want to get my hopes up

But guys

I’ve had two kisses now

**Padfoot**

WHAT??

**Prongs**

I mean text kisses

**Moony**

Sirius just shrieked so loudly

Pretty sure he burst my eardrum

**Padfoot**

Sorry Rem

Thought my man had been holding out on me

**Prongs**

I would NEVER

**Moony**

Umm

Your man?

**Padfoot**

Oops

Sorry

I meant my other man

My bit on the side

You know?

**Moony**

That’s better

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Sirius**

Two things

One

I finally took out the plait this morning

And my hair is super wavy

And looks AMAZING

**Alice**

Yay

Don’t wash it until tonight

I wanna see

**Sirius**

Def

Youre gonna have to do it again

Rem was v keen on it

If you get my drift

**Alice**

Sirius hun

I always get your drift

**Sirius**

Sweet

But I digress

TWO

Are you #teamlames

or are you not?

**Alice**

YAS

I was waiting for this

I am obvs #teamlames

**Sirius**

Shes interested right?

**Alice**

I thiiiink so

Difficult though

She literally broke up with Sev a day ago

I doubt she’ll go for something else this soon

**Sirius**

Yeh

That what I thought

Wish she would though

**Alice**

Sigh

Me too

Just think how great James would look

Hanging off her arm

**Sirius**

I know right?

My boys a looker

Anyway

I’ve got kittens to see

We shall pick this up at a later date!

**Alice**

Have fun

Say hi to Big Dill for me!

**Sirius**

Oh I will Alice

I will


	38. Chapter 38

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Alice**

Another cracking dinner Rem

Thanks!

**Remus**

You’re welcome

Thank you Lily for delicious crumble times!

**Lily**

No probelmo

**Marlene**

Even if

you did go

behind our backs

and let the culinary abomination that is James Potter

help make it

**James**

Hey!

I did a good job

Didn’t I Lily?

**Lily**

Yes dear

You did a very good job

**James**

See!

**Dorcas**

Cuuuuute

Although

How have I gone this long

Without knowing about James’ highkey mistrust of the dishwasher??

**Pete**

Literally don’t know

He goes on about it

All. The. Time.

**James**

Tell me I’m wrong though??

Compare it to a washing machine

Open, honest, show you how its cleaning your clothes

Whereas the dishwasher

Mysterious, untrustworthy

keeps its cleaning methods a secret

**Sirius**

Case in point

**Dorcas**

So what do you do then?

Wash everything up by hand?

**Sirius**

Nah

My Re sorts it

Because he’s perfect

**Alice**

He’s too good for you Black

**Sirius**

Shush you

He’ll realise

And anyway

I pay him back

In my own way

**James**

Its true

He does

And so do I

But not in the same way as Padfoot does

Although I wouldn’t say no

As previously stated Remus Lupin in one fine specimen

**Marlene**

True dat

If I wasn’t exclusively into girls…

**Remus**

Can we stop

You know I don’t know how to accept compliments graciously

**Lily**

Lol

Never change Rem

Never change

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Dorky**

Is anyone else awake?

**Als**

Me

I gorged myself on Tangfastics before bed

so now I’m on a massive sugar high

**Marls**

I’m trying to get my textual flirt on

with Dora from my ancient phil lectures

**Dorky**

The one with the many helix piercings?

Shes hot

**Marls**

I know!

**Lils**

Hows it going?

**Marls**

So so

I cant decide which alley to go down

The safe yet mundane want to grab a coffee and chat about the Socractic concept of psyche

Or the more bold

You’re so fit do you want to sit on my face

**Dorky**

Sure

Id probs just go for the sit of face option

Tbh

Then if it’s a hard no

You can move on

No point pussying around

**Als**

Nice Dorky!

**Dorky**

Why thank you!

**Marls**

I’ve been swayed

I’m doing it

Wish me luck!

**Lils**

Good luck!

**Dorky**

Good luck!

**Als**

Keep us updated!

And talking of updated

I can here you Miss Lily

Laughing through the wall

What, pray, is making you chuckle so?

**Lils**

I’m not texting anyone

I’m laughing at you guys

**Dorky**

Caught!

She never said you WERE texting anyone!

**Lils**

Bugger

**Als**

Does this person

Happen to be a close acquaintance of ours

A soon to be Dr

Tall, dark & handsome

With shoulders to die for?

**Lils**

You make him sound like a Greek God

**Dorky**

You ARE texting James!!

I demand to be told everything

Immediately

**Marls**

Same!!

**Lils**

I thought you were busy?

**Marls**

Screw helix girl

This is much more exciting!

James, Lily

JAMES!

**Als**

He’s been in love with you since first year

Is #Lames finally on the cards??

**Lils**

Wtf is #Lames?

**Als**

Lily and James

Durr

Sirius made it up

**Lils**

Oh bloody hell

Since when is he involved?

If he’s involved then Remus is obviously involved

Although that might not actually be a bad thing

And ANYWAY  
nothing is happening

I’ve been single for a total of 2 days

**Dorky**

So?

Do you like him?

**Marls**

You’d make a hell of a couple

Think how beautiful your babies would be

**Lils**

I think we all need to calm the fuck down here

I will go as far as to admit

That hes not the twat he once was

And it has actually been nice to spend some time with him recently

But that IS ALL

**Dorky**

Nah

You love him

**Lils**

I must adamantly refute that statement

**Marls**

Ok

But if he asked you out

For a drink?

**Lils**

Sigh

I probably wouldn’t say no

**Als**

LAMES IS HAPPENING  
I can’t wait to tell Sirius!

**Lils**

NO!

PROMISE me Alice

You won’t tell Sirius

**Als**

Oooohhh

Whhhhy?

**Lils**

Because I don’t want this to be a big deal

Things are good at the moment

**Marls**

Be better if you were getting your end away with James

He’s super enthusiastic about everything

Imagine how good he is in bed

I really need to get laid

**Dorky**

Hop back to it then!

**Lils**

Alice…

**Als**

Fine

I won’t say anything

Because I love you

And #Lames is happening

GOODNIGHT

**Dorky**

HAHA

I just heard her squeal and throw her phone across the room

But seriously Lils

Don’t worry about how long you’ve been single blah blah blah

If you like him

Go for it

**Lils**

I know I know

Just wary that’s all

And I’m happy with how things are between us at the moment

**Marls**

That’s fair

I know we’ve been teasing

but we support you whatever

you know?

**Lils**

Yeh I do

Love you girlies

Now go get your sext on Marls

Dorks

Wanna come watch Sherlock with me in bed?

**Dorky**

OMW

**😘**

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

You still awake?

**Moons**

Sort of

Fell asleep but still need to brush my teeth

So I keep waking up remembering that

You coming in?

**Pads**

I shouldn’t

If I come in

I’m gonna want to do Stuff

**Moons**

Can I be Stuff?

**Pads**

Don’t tempt me you gorgeous hunk

Stupid test tomorrow

Ruining my fun

**Moons**

You’ll smash it

You always do

That the reason you can’t sleep?

**Pads**

Not sure

A bit sad about the kittens

You reckon Lily is going to go for Jam?

**Moons**

Yeh I do actually!

Marls says shes proper warmed up to him

**Pads**

Yeh Alice says the same

#TeamLames til I die

**Moons**

Lol

Not #TeamWolfstar?

**Pads**

Nah

#TeamWolfstar are a done deal

They don’t need any help

Together forever I reckon

**Moons**

Yeah

Me too

Love you Sirius Black

**Pads**

Love you too Remus Lupin

I might come in?

**Moons**

Yes please

I promise to be good

And keep my hands to myself

**Pads**

I don’t…


	39. Chapter 39

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

How’d it go sugar?

**Pads**

Pas mal

J’espere que je l’obtiendrai

Etes- vous a la maison?

**Moons**

Ooooh

I’m torn

Between being immediately turned on

And wanting to know what you said

**Pads**

Tu est si mignon

C’est dommage que tu ne me comprennes pas…

**Moons**

Yep

Definitely turned on

**Pads**

C’est precisement l’effect que je visais

Tu es tout nu?

J’espere qui oui

**Moons**

Well I’ve taken all my clothes off

So I REALLY hope

One of those is you saying you’re on your way home

**Pads**

Oh mon loup

Tu as ete si villain

Tu peux me prendre dans tout les sens

**Moons**

Ou est la piscine? 

Je suis la grand fromage

**Pads**

Wtf Rem??

😆 

Way to ruin the mood

**Moons**

I wanted to join in

☹

Its so hot when you do it

**Pads**

Yes but I’d just told you

You’d been naughty

And that you could have me any way you want

**Moons**

Fuuuck that’s so sexy

**Pass**

Then you asked me where the fucking swimming pool is

And said that you’re a big cheese

**Moons**

I’ve something else big

waiting for you?

**Pads**

Go on…

**Moons**

Je m’appelle Remus

Et toi?

**Pads**

Rem!

Nope

The moments gone

**Moons**

No!

We can get it back

I’ll stop I promise

**Pads**

You know

You could have said something in Welsh…

**Moons**

Really?

**Pads**

Oh god yes

**Moons**

Bugger

Too late?

**Pads**

Fraid so Remusaur

The old noodle is completely limp

**Moons**

Wow

What a turn of phrase

And now so is mine

Anyway

You nearly home?

**Pads**

Yup

Bout 5 mins

Want to watch homes under the hammer

and eat kettle chips?

**Moons**

Umm

Obviously

Do we have kettle chips?

**Pads**

I went and got some

Couldn’t stop thinking about them during the exam

I got you those Thai sweet chilli ones you love

**Moons**

Ack

Aros ‘da fi am byth

Dw I’n dy garu di

**Pads**

Huh

It seems as though theres life

in the old noodle yet

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Sirius**

Why is it

On the tele

When people want to buy a house

they’ve always got SO much cash

just lying around?

**Alice**

Oh my god

Are you watching home under the hammer??

I literally JUST said exactly the same thing to Lily!

**Sirius**

Weird!

We’re so in sync

**Alice**

That’s why you’re my main bae

**Sirius**

Hear that Remus

I’m Alice’s main bae

**Remus**

For the last time

I refuse to call you that

**Sirius**

Well then

It looks like Alice loves me more

Than you do

**Remus**

Byddwn I’n gwneud unrhyw beth drostat ti

heblaw hynny

**Sirius**

NEVermind

**Dorcas**

Forget you speak Welsh Rem

And Al

What about Frank?

**Alice**

Oh yeh

Him

Ok, ONE of my main baes

**Remus**

ANYWAY

S was supposed to be starting this convo

to discuss birthday plans

**Marlene**

Ooo yeh

Its nearly time for Sirius

To be his basic birthday bitch self

**Sirius**

Too right McKinnon

**James**

YAS

Party time!

I’ve bought a new checked shirt

and I’m gonna unpick the chest pocket

and stitch my dolphin cross stitch on instead

its going to look WACK

**Lily**

You alright love??

**James**

Yeh!

I’m just pumped

For birthday shenanigans

**Sirius**

Well you should be

I have had a fabulous idea

Which I will share with you

Through the medium of haiku

**Alice**

Oooo fun!

**Sirius**

*Ahem*

Sing along aloud

Be the entertaining star

Or fail and feel shame

**Remus**

Jesus Christ

Karaoke

He wants to do karaoke

**Lily**

His haiku

Was oddly profound

But yes

I am up for this

**Sirius**

Evans you beauty

Reputation proceeds you

Give Jam a go, yeh?

**Pete**

Padfoot is broken

Remus you need to fix him

But not with your mouth

(because I am sitting next to him on the sofa)

**James**

**😂**

**Dorcas**

Are haikus compulsory

If we want to attend?

**Remus**

Why Dorcas?!

Why would you put that idea in to his head?

**Sirius**

No

But they SHOULD be

But yes

I found a bar that does karaoke

**Marlene**

Is Remus going to sing?

Because I am ALL over this

If yes

**Remus**

Unsurprisingly

Hard no from me

**Sirius**

But its my biiirthday

☹

**Remus**

Those puppy dog eyes

Won’t work on me you hussy

Now get off my lap

**Alice**

**😛**

**Sirius**

Booooo

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Remy**

Marls

Need some help with something

but also need you to keep it a secret

**Marly**

Intriguing

I’m in!

What’s up

**Remy**

Its about Sirius’ birthday

I want to do something

**Marly**

Okaaay

**Remy**

You free tomorrow morning

Be easier to do this in person

**Marly**

Rem

You’re not about to do something crazy

Like propose are you??

Rem??

REMUS??

**Remy**

Sorry

Fire alarm went off

J&S are making pancakes

And its not going well

No of course not!

We’ve only been together 2 months

Although…

**Marly**

REMUS!

**Remy**

Calm down

I’m joking

**Marly**

I honestly thought

that’s what you were going to say

**Remy**

What would you have said??

**Marly**

Tbh

I wouldn’t have been that shocked

Yeh you haven’t been together very long

but its obvious you’re crazy over about other

I don’t buy this whole soulmates business

but if I did

you are Sirius are it

You’re so unbearably in love

Its almost painful to be around you

**Remy**

Marlene!

I think that’s the nicest thing

you’ve ever said to me!

I don’t like it

**Marly**

Haha

I’ve gotta ration the emoshes

Reputation and all

**Remy**

Don’t worry

I won’t ruin your cold hard rep

You little squishy thing you

**Marly**

Gross

But yes

I am around tomorrow morning

Come see me

And we can discuss you super secret whatever it is

**Remy**

Cheers Marls

Gtg

Smoke alarm again

**Marly**

Just a thought

Maybe remove the frying pan

From the terrible two

\------------------------------

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Wormtail**

Anyone around for dinner?

Am about to start a spag bol

**Padfoot**

Yes PLEASE Wormy

Love your spag bol

Am just leaving campus

Will be home in 20

I can help!

**Wormtail**

That will NOT be necessary

The house still smells

of burning rubber

**Padfoot**

☹

It looked really easy to do

On Tasty

**Moony**

That’s because they’re actual chefs babe

No-one in their right mind

Actually attempts to make a 100 layer rainbow crepe

**Padfoot**

Me and Prongs did!

**Moony**

I stand by what I said

No-one in their right mind

**Padfoot**

Intensely rude

None of mine and Wormy’s spag bol for you

**Moony**

Hitting me where it hurts most

Siriuisuly though

Yes please

I’ll be home in about half an hour

I’m just at the girls’

**Prongs**

Youre at the girls Moony?

Really?

**Moony**

Yeh why?

Marls and I are doing some reading

**Prongs**

If you say so…

I am just leaving

Where I am

So I will also be home for spag times

I’ll grab some vino

We can light candles and shit

**Padfoot**

Sip sip hooray!

**Moony**

You’re an idiot

I mean your fucking gorgeous

But you’re an idiot

**Prongs**

Now now Moony

Sounds like somebody needs some of that wine

You know what they say

A glass a day keeps the anger away!

\------------------------------

**Wolfbucks**

**Jamie**

Not to make a big deal

Or anything

But

You’re not at the girls

Because I am

And I definitely don’t see you

**Rem**

Oh right

Ok

What you doing at the girls hey…?

**Jamie**

I might have popped over

to see Lily

I might not have

**Rem**

Continue…

**Jamie**

I came to see Lily

Rem

She actually laughed when I told her that joke about the squirrel

Like FULL ON laughed

She made us tea

And then just casually began walking up to her room

I didn’t know if I was supposed to follow her

So just stood at the bottom of the stairs

And she looked back

And said come on J

J

Like a nickname

I nearly fell over

Well I did fall over in my rush to follow her up the stairs

But she just laughed again

And helped me up

and didn’t let go of my hand

so we held hands ALL THE WAY TO HER ROOM

and I sat on her bed!

**Rem**

Mate

You’re DEFINTELY in there

When are you going to make your move??

**Jamie**

Argh

I don’t know!!

Do you think I should do her a cross stitch?

I could ask her out via cross stitch

Is that a good idea??

Remus??

**Rem**

No Prongs

I don’t think that’s a good idea

**Jamie**

Right

Cool cool

No cross stitch

What should I do?

**Rem**

Well as previously suggested

Maybe just ask her out

You know

Like a normal person

**Jamie**

I’m worried that’s not good enough

This is Lily

Lily needs the best!

Remus help me!

**Rem**

Calm down

When we’re home

We’ll make a plan

Ok?

**Jamie**

Yeh ok

Good idea

You always make GREAT plans

Am nearly home now

Just need to go and get the wine

**Rem**

Me too

Well I will be in 10

**Jamie**

WAIT

I’ve been hustled!

Should have seen this coming

You’re the master of deflection

You haven’t told me where you’ve actually been??

Rem?

**Rem**

Am home now

😊

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The French may well be dodgy BUT I didn’t use google translate so am v proud of myself.
> 
> The Welsh is possibly incomprehensible - shout at me if it is!!


	40. Chapter 40

**Private Message**

**James**

Thanks for tea and chats earlier

Was nice

😊

**Lily**

No worries

I’m still laughing about that squirrel

I was brushing my teeth and remembered

and snorted toothpaste all over the mirror

**James**

Hahaha

It’s a good one

**_Lily_ ** _renamed the group **Jily**_

**James**

Oh cool!

We’re official message pals

Name and everything

**Lily**

Lol

A mix of James and Lily

Sorry it’s a bit lames isn’t it

**James**

No I like it!

Random question

Has Rem been to see Marls/anyone

at any point today?

**Lily**

No

I don’t think so

Why??

**James**

I’m sure its nothing

but

just as I was leaving yours earlier

Pete texted to ask about dinner

and Rem said that he’d be back in a bit

because he was ‘at the girls’

and he obviously wasn’t

**Lily**

Oh right

Bit weird

What do you think he was doing?

**James**

No idea

Just wondered if anyone your end knew

**Lily**

I’ll ask

but as you say

I’m sure its nothing

It’ll be something really boring

**James**

Yeh

He’s always been a bit of a dark horse has our Remus

Anyway better get to bed

Have lectures ALL DAY tomorrow

**Lily**

Such is a medic’s life I’m afraid

**James**

**👨🏽‍⚕️**

Speak tomorrow

X

**Lily**

xx

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**_Remus_ ** _renamed the group **Messrs Wormtail, Moony, Prongs but no Padfoot**_

**Remus**

Morning Lads

Any chance youre both around campus 12ish?

Needed a quick word

without Pads

**James**

Ive got an hour between 12 and 1

What’s up?

**Remus**

Just need to run something past you both

**Pete**

I’m home all day

Can walk up and meet you though

**Remus**

Great

**James**

Reeeemus

You’re making me nervous

I can’t go into Anatomy nervous!

**Remus**

Chill Prongs

Its nothing bad

**James**

Youre not breaking up with Sirius are you?

Because I don’t think my heart can take that

Your so perfect for each other

Please Remus you can’t

He’ll be devastated

oh god I’m going to cry

**Remus**

James

I literally just said

Its nothing bad??

**James**

Yes but if you were doing the breaking up

It wouldn’t seem bad to you

Would it?

I don’t know

I’ve never broken up with anyone before!

**Remus**

Calm yourself love

No I’m not breaking up with Sirius

I can pretty much assure you

That I’m never breaking up with Sirius

**James**

OH MY GOD  
YOURE ASKING HIM TO MARRY YOU AREN’T YOU

DO YOU HAVE A RING??

DID YOU GET YELLOW GOLD OR WHITE?

Not going to lie

I’m a little hurt I didn’t get to come and help you choose it

**Pete**

Are you??

**Remus**

NO!

Everyone just needs to calm the fuck down

I just want to talk to you

About birthday things

**James**

Oh

Well now I’m disappointed

I’ve got a FANTASTIC best man speech written

**Pete**

For Sirius

Or Remus?

**James**

I took the liberty of doing one for each

You can have the one I don’t need

**Pete**

Sweet

**Remus**

When did you even find the time

to write those??

**James**

Eh

Sometimes I stay up late

to get admin done

**Remus**

Well anyway

We’ve already talked about it

Pads is going to have Alice

and I’m having Marlene

**James**

WHAT?

**Pete**

WHAT?

**James**

That better be a freaking joke

**Remus**

Man this is fun

Speak later losers

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Jam**

V quick

If you and Rem get married

Who’ll be your best men?

**Siriusly**

What a stupid question

Youre mine

and Pete’s Re’s

Obviously

**Jam**

Cool

Love you!

**Siriusly**

Love you too!

\------------------------------

**Private Message**

**Remus**

Hey Al

I have a huge favour to ask you

**Alice**

Hey Big Dill!

Go for it

**Remus**

Wtf is Big Dill??

**Alice**

Oh just a cute nickname I thought up for you

**Remus**

Oh ok

Cool

I was wondering

Whether youd be able to teach me to do Sirius’ hair in that plait?

**Alice**

Yeh of course!

Its super easy

**Remus**

Yay

Thanks Alice

He keeps going on about how much he liked it

but he can’t do it on himself

so thought it would be nice

if I could do it for him

**Alice**

You two are couples goals

😍

that’s really sweet of you BD

**Remus**

Nah

He’s always going out of his way

to make me feel good

so I figured

by learning how to do his hair

i don’t know

just thought it would be nice

**Alice**

Oh Rem

You really are lovely

When you want to do it

I’m free all day actually

**Remus**

I’m meeting J&P for lunch

but could come after

about half 1?

**Alice**

Works for me!

See you then Big Dill

**Remus**

Bye

Little Pickle

**Alice**

OMG i can't WAIT to tell Sirius

🤩

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**James**

Ladies

do you want to come over for late night snacks?

**Marlene**

Bit left field

Its nearly 10

**Remus**

I know

Prongs and Pads

Have impulse brought a deep fat fryer

from the Lidl aisle of dreams

**Lily**

I’m not going to lie

that sounds like a recipe for disaster

**Remus**

They are being closely monitored

**Sirius**

Come!

We’re going to fry some shit up!

**Dorcas**

I’m tempted…

**Lily**

Yeh

Me too

Lets go!

**James**

Yay!

So far weve done watermelon

avocado & crunchies

all were GOOD

**Remus**

You’ve forgotten one…

**James**

Fine

We also tried ice

but it didn’t work

**Dorcas**

It amazes me

how two of the most intelligent people

I’ve ever met ever

can at the same time

be so stupid

**Sirius**

It was an experiment

Not all experiments work Dorco

If Minkowski and von Mering

hadn’t experimented removing a dogs pancreas

and accidentally given it diabetes

researchers in Toronto

wouldn’t have discovered insulin

**James**

Yeh

And it Albert Hofmann

hadn’t been experimenting with Lysergic acid

and accidentally tasted some

we wouldn’t have LSD

Although that one’s merit is debatable

**Dorcas**

Literally just proved my point

Anyway

Lils and I have raided the cupboards

and are coming for deep fat fryer fun

**Marlene**

I’m gonna pass if thats ok

could do with an early night

**Sirius**

Are you staying

So you can secretly practise your moves

for tomorrow night

**Marlene**

Excuse you

My moves are already perfection

**Sirius**

Its on McKinnon

I shall of course

be singing my all time favourite banger

Rebel Rebel by the almighty Bowie

**Marlene**

Huh

Rebel Rebel

You absolutely sure

That’s your all time favourite?

**Sirius**

Yeh!

Obvs

**Marlene**

If you say so

Just thought it might have been

something else

\--------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Remy**

Don’t you dare!

**Marly**

But the power Remus

The power

**Remy**

I told you about JT in confidence!

He’ll kill me!

And on a totally related note

Have I told you recently how amazing you are?

**Marly**

Chill your beans Rem

I’ll keep his dirty little secret

**Remy**

Sorry you can’t come tonight

I feel guilty

**Marly**

No don’t worry

I am actually tired

So the early night thing isn’t even a lie

**Remy**

Youre the best

I’ll be over first thing tomorrow

Hoping I can sneak out before he wakes up

**Marly**

Fab


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthday shenanigans Part I

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Remy**

Omw

**Marly**

Fab

You manage to get out without him waking?

**Remy**

No

I swear he’s like the lightest sleeper ever

Had to execute Plan B

**Marly**

Birthday blow job?

**Remy**

Birthday blow job

**Marly**

Haha

Nothing like having your boyfriend

suck your brains out

to get you back to sleep

**Remy**

You know it

**Marly**

Funnily enough

I do not

Anyway

We are all ready to go

**Remy**

Youre a gem

See you shortly!

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Sirius**

Everybody

I would like to introduce you all too

Araminta Princess Lupin

My new everything

**Alice**

OH MY GOD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Is that Remus’ present??

**Sirius**

Yes!

**Lily**

She’s so sweet!

Where did he get her??

Happy Birthday!

**Sirius**

She’s the stray from the garden centre

Now all her kittens have gone

she needed a forever home

she was the best mummy

and now deserves to be treated like a queen

**Marlene**

Ahhhh

She looks so happy

I miss her

**Dorcas**

I KNEW I heard a cat meowing in the night

FFS Marls

I thought I was going mad!

**Remus**

Sorry Dorky

We couldn’t tell you all

because Alice would definitely have blabbed

**Alice**

Hey!

Although

Yes

That is almost certainly true

**Dorcas**

She’s got a very fancy name

**Sirius**

Only the best

for my baby

We’re gonna call her Minty for short

**Lily**

Cuuuute  
Also

I really love that bedding??

**Remus**

Lol thanks

Sirius got it for me

because of the dinosaurs

**James**

She’s so fluffy!

Also

I miss Remusaurus

When’s he coming out to play again?

**Remus**

That would be never

**Dorcas**

☹

but he was so great

**Marlene**

I’ve just remembered

You finding that satsuma

and trying to give it CPR

because you thought it was an orange that was shrinking

and needed blowing back up

**😂**

**Alice**

I’d forgotten about that

SO GOOD

**Remus**

YES THANK YOU

I think we’ve heard enough

**Pete**

_At least you got fun Remusaurus_

_We just got the horny version_

_The image of Remus drunkenly clambering on to Sirius_

_and telling him that he bets he has a beautiful dick_

_and then crying when Padfoot wouldn’t show him_

_is forever seared into my mind_

_(Message deleted)_

**James**

_Bloody hell Pete!_

_We agreed we’d never mention that!_

_Delete the message_

_(Message deleted)_

**Dorcas**

I feel that all’s well that ends well

is particularly applicable here

**Lily**

Where have they gone?

**Pete**

Playing with Minty

They look like proud new parents

Rem is trying to play it cool

but I can hear his internal squealing

**James**

Padfoot is obvs squealing out loud

She’s suuuper playful and purry

Come over and see her?

We can have tea

**Lily**

Oooo ok

Give me half an hour

**Alice**

Is this an open invite

Or just our lovely Lily…?

**James**

Oh

Everyone

Obviously

**Sirius**

Yes come over!

Come have cake

Prongs and Wormy made them!

**Dorcas**

What exactly was James’ involvement?

**James**

I was in charge of glitter and sprinkles

**Marlene**

Good job lads

Although they do look as though they’ve been

Caught in the crossfire of a unicorns happy ending

**James**

So delicious?

\------------------------------

“You’re the best puss cat in the whole wide world,” Sirius voice was muffled as he spoke in to the furry neck of Minty as she continued to knead her paws on his chest, “Although your claws are really sharp.”

“I guess she hasn’t been outside much recently to blunt them,” Remus said looking fondly at the both of them, “Reckon we should keep her in for a couple more weeks too, don’t want her getting lost.” Sirius snorted looking up at him,

“As if I’m ever letting her out of my sight, honestly Rem.”

Remus rolled his eyes, “You’re ridiculous but I’m glad you love her. I did think about getting one of her kittens but figured she needed a home too. Stan said they would look after her at the garden centre but it’s not the same as having a real owner is it?”

“Owners,” Sirius said, “Daddy Sirius and Daddy Remus, she is Lupin after all.”

“Don’t forget Uncle Prongs,” James shouted from the kitchen where he was plating up his and Pete’s glitter coated cupcakes, “I think Marlene was on to something,” he muttered, running a sparkly hand through his hair, “there’s glitter fucking everywhere.”

“And Uncle Prongs and Uncle Pete,” Sirius agreed.

Remus smiled and reached over to give Minty a scritch under her chin, “I’ve got one more thing for you, if you want it now?”

“Oh ok,” Sirius said looking towards him surprised, “You don’t think you might have gone a bit OTT Monnymine?” 

Remus gave an amused huff,

“As if you’re not loving it.”

“I mean what’s really the point of you if you’re not showering me in gifts and attention.”

“Come on you,” Remus tried to tug Sirius up from the sofa, Sirius immediately going floppy, making his body dead weight.

“Can’t I have it here?”

“No, this is something for your eyes only, at least for the time being anyway.”

“Oh God it’s something sex related isn’t it,” Pete groaned from across the room where he had been scrolling through his phone, “Be straight with me, is tonight going to be a noise cancelling headphones night?”

“IS it something sex related?” Sirius questioned ignoring Pete, “Because not gonna lie I’m well up for that,” he winked lewdly at Remus and then made an obscene gesture with both hand and tongue, laughing when Remus wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“You’re a total degenerate, you know that?” he told Sirius turning to walk towards the bedroom before glancing over his shoulder a smirk appearing on his face, “and anyway, you’ve already had the sex part of your birthday present.”

“Boooo,” Pete lobbed a shoe across the room and it hit Remus on the arm, “And you weren’t quiet about that either.”

“It’s like having a human alarm clock but you know, a sexy one,” James added coming in and plonking himself where Remus had been sitting and making grabby hands at Minty who continued to purr contentedly as Sirius passed her over, “You know it’s time to get up when Padfoot starts up his moaning.”

“What can I say? Remus has a filthy mouth.” Sirius leant back reaching his arms up, linking his hands together in an enthusiastic stretch. His t-shirt rode up slightly, exposing his hip bones and a small strip of creamy skin, he looked towards Remus whose eyes were trailing up and down his body. He laughed, “You’re so predictable Re, come on, let’s see what this present is then.”

Sirius hauled himself up and sauntered over to stand directly behind Remus, who, having been caught staring, was blushing. He put a hand in each of Remus’ jeans back pockets, palms facing forward and pressed up against him, hooking his chin on Remus’ shoulder. He then proceeded to give a series of pushes, shuffling then both towards the bedroom.

“Close the door?” he questioned.

“Yeh, please,” Remus said, “Shit I’m nervous now.”

“Why? Oh my God, it IS something dirty isn’t it!”

“No! I just, argh, if you hate it, it’s going to be a big deal.”

“Re, when I have I ever hated anything you’ve given me?” Sirius soothed, coming round to face him and wrapping his arms around his waist.

Remus tipped his head down slightly to look at Sirius and shrugged, “I don’t know? You hated that shirt I got you in first year.”

“I hated that shirt because when you gave it to me you said ‘this is from me and Fab,’” Sirius said, in a terrible impersonation of Remus’ slightly Welsh lilt, “Man I hated that guy.”

Remus laughed, “No you didn’t.”

“I did,” Sirius obstinately, “Always being here, holding your hand and kissing you and the like. Introducing himself to people as your boyfriend. I was so jealous. Did you know that the night you got together I actually cried myself to sleep?”

“Sirius,” Remus said softly.

“Yeh, well whatever, he can go and fuck a duck, you’re mine now,” he paused, before adding “Forever. Now gimme my present.”

“I’m glad you added the forever,” Remus said, removing Sirius’ arms from his waist, “Because this is a forever sort of a present.”

He took a step back and moved his hands to the hem of his t-shirt before hesitating, Sirius just looked at him, mildly confused, “If this present is you naked, I hate to tell you but you’ve already given that one to me. Not that I mind having it again,” he added. Remus just shook his head,

“Oh god, you're going to think i'm crazy, its just, I know that sometimes I’m not very good with words, although I do find it easier with you so maybe this wasn’t actually necessary but maybe because I find it easier you thats even more reason to have done it because it shows how great we are together and I really do love you and I wanted to do something to show you and”

“Remus!” Sirius cut him off now looking totally bewildered, “maybe just give it to me yeh, you’re spiralling.”

“Yeh, yeh, ok”

Remus took a deep breath and then pulled his t-shirt over his head.

It took a moment for Sirius to realise what he was supposed to be looking at, as he was momentarily distracted by Remus’ toned chest and the sharp V’s of his hip bones but then a flash of white drew his gaze upwards, to a largish white gauze plaster sitting just below Remus’ left collar bone. 

“Am I about to find out why you’ve been sleeping in a t-shirt all week?” he asked; he could feel his heartbeat quickening. Remus nodded,

“Take the plaster off.”

Sirius took a step forward, mouth going dry and reached a hand towards Remus, letting his fingers run along his collar bone, admiring the spray of freckles that adorned his skin for a moment before catching the corner of the plaster between thumb and forefinger and tugging it gently from Remus’ skin.

“Oh my God,” Sirius breathed. There, etched into Remus’ skin in thick black lines was a perfect replication of Canis Major.

“What do you think?” Remus said earnestly.

Sirius burst into tears.

“Fuck, Pads,” Remus said, panic clear in his voice as Sirius sat down heavily on the bed, elbows on his knees and hands over his face as he continued to sob, “Sirius,” he was cut off by Sirius reaching his arms up and yanking Remus down towards him. Remus hurried to comply, sitting down next to Sirius on the bed and wrapping one arm around his shoulders, running his hand up and down his arm, “Babe, I need to know what sort of tears these are.”

Sirius answered by smashing their mouth together, putting his hands on either side of Remus’ face and kissing him fiercely. He could taste salt from both Sirius’ tears and his runny nose and it occurred to him how much he must love Sirius to not really care that he was essential licking up Sirius’ snot.

Sirius pulled away and ran his fingers back and forth over the tattoo. “I can’t believe you did this,” he sniffed, eyes red and voice hoarse, “I don’t know what to say.”

“I’ve finally managed to render you speechless,” Remus tried to joke, but his voice was high and he could feel tears threatening in the corners of his eyes.

“Oh shush,” Sirius gave a watery smile, blinking as another tear dripped down his cheek, “You know exactly how to shut me up.”

“I do, don’t I,” Remus gave Sirius shoulder a squeeze, “Do you like it?”

“I think it’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever seen,” Sirius answered matter of factly, still running his fingers over the black lines, stopping at the star of Sirius, which was slightly larger than the others and looking up at Remus, “And you Remus Lupin, you are just fucking lovely. I can’t believe you did this.”

Remus huffed a laugh, “To be honest neither can I, but I wanted to, I don’t know, do something that meant something important I guess? Don’t know, sounds a bit stupid doesn’t it.”

“No, it sounds perfect,” Sirius leant his head on Remus’ shoulder, “You’re perfect, I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.”

“Don’t say that. You’ve done everything, you are everything.”

Sirius opened his mouth to respond but stopped, looking towards the bedroom door and then looked back at Remus who raised an eyebrow and then rolled his eyes.

“James you can come in.”

The door burst open and James almost tripped over his own feet as he launched himself at both Sirius and Remus so he was on his knees in front them, arms wrapped around their lower bodies and head on Sirius’ thigh. Pete followed him into the room, looking slightly alarmed at James’ behaviour. Remus patted James on the head.

“You guys are just so perfect for one another,” he said tearily, “I can’t stand it.”

“There, there,” Remus said, “You’ll be alright.”

James stood up and then reached a hand down to pull both Sirius and Remus up too,

“Rem that looks fucking awesome.”

“Cheer Prongs,” Remus said and then, “Oh fuck it,” and pulled James into a hug, Sirius joining them.

“Umm Pete,” Sirius’ voice sounded from amongst the man pile, “Why are you still standing there like a lemon and not joining hug time.”

“Sorry Padfoot,” Pete answered and walked over, squeezing himself between James and Remus who flung their arms around him. 

They stood for a couple of minutes, swaying slightly on the spot before Remus pulled away,

“Well that my hug quota used up for the month.” Sirius pouted, “Not you babe,” he said quickly, “Infinite hugs for you.”

“And Minty?”

“And Minty,” Remus agreed.

Sirius’ smile was the brightest Remus had ever seen.


	42. Chapter 42

**My Support Bras**

**Dorky**

Me and Marls are just leaving town 

Last chance if you want anything getting 

**Als**

Did you get Percy Pigs? 

**Dorky**

We got Percy Pigs 

and Percy Pig and Pals 

**Marls**

I take NO responsibility 

for the Pals 

Percys pals are rank 

Especially that sheep 

**Lils**

Hard agree 

It’s the original Percy or nothing for me 

Any chance you’d be able to grab me some black tights? 

**Marls**

No probs 

Thick or thin? 

**Lils**

Thin 

Size 16 please 

**Marls**

Will do 

Are you wearing that green dress?? 

**Lils**

Can’t decide 

between the green dress 

or my black mini with that cream off the shoulder top 

**Als**

Def the green 

Makes your hair look amazing 

Also James’ likes it… 

**😉**

**Dorky**

I am also team green dress 

Last time you wore that James couldn’t stop staring 

He thought he was being subtle 

and hilariously at one point I caught Rem looking at him and then you 

and rolling his eyes 

**Marls**

Classic James 

Classic Remus 

BUT 

Is tonight the night that Lily and James 

Finally become Lames?? 

**Lils**

I do not like Lames 

However 

If you insist on giving us a stupid name 

I will begrudgingly accept Jily 

And I will wear the green dress 

**Als**

Jily! 

Youre not denying it!! 

Is that a yes?? 

**Lils**

We’ll see 

\------------------------------ 

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**James**

We’ve just got to the bar 

Tables under Rem’s name 

How you getting on? 

**Sirius**

First rounds on me ladies 

What’s your poison? 

**Marlene**

‘What’s your poison’ 

That’s such a dad phrase 

We’re just about to leave 

(G&T pls!) 

**Sirius**

I think you’ll find that I am a dad now 

I’ve got to find a whole new aesthetic 

**Remus**

As long as it still includes you in leather 

I’m in 

**Alice**

Rem starting early with the dirty talk 

Sweet 

Siri you getting a bottle of red?? 

**Sirius**

Obviously 

Want to share? 

**Alice**

👍 

**Dorcas**

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised 

If Sirius turned up to the bar 

with Minty 

and I will also have a G&T please 

**Pete**

You joke 

but an hour ago 

this was a very real possibility 

**Sirius**

I couldn’t just leave her alone! 

Not on her very first night at home 

**Dorcas**

What did you do then?? 

**James**

Gid owed me a favour 

so came to cat sit 

tbh I think he just wanted to play on the x-box 

**Sirius**

Umm 

I think not 

I left a very detailed play schedule 

**Remus**

Fuck me you’re adorable 

Come sit on my lap 

**Lily**

Level with us Wolfstar 

Does Dorky need to take extra care 

when using the mens loos tonight? 

**James**

🤣 

**Remus**

I literally have no idea 

What you could possibly be implying 

**Sirius**

I am offendED 

**Marlene**

To be fair 

You’ve got form 

**Sirius**

That was one (extremely hot) time 

And anyway 

We bonked before we left 

Should tide us over 

until we get home

**Pete**

I am very aware of this 

I wish you’d shut the door properly 

The landing is echoey 

☹ 

**Remus**

Oops 

Sorry Petey 

**Pete**

Prongs made me bet 

on who would come first 

It wasn’t the best time 

**Dorcas**

Bizarrely I would very much like to know 

who bet what 

and who won? 

**Pete**

I said Sirius 

Prongs said Rem 

Prongs won

He always wins 

Reckon its rigged 

**James**

I just know my boys! 

Although it was a tough call 

Rem was all edgy because of the tattoo reveal 

and Padfoot was all worked up because of said tattoo 

**Lily**

Sirius got a tattoo?? 

**Sirius**

Nope 

**Marlene**

Rem you got a tattoo?? 

**Dorcas**

Remus?? 

**Alice**

No way!! 

Remus? 

**Remus**

Are we all just gonna ignore the fact that Pete and Jam 

are betting on our orgasms? 

**Alice**

Umm yeh 

That’s standard stuff 

TATTOO REMUS 

**Remus**

Ugh fine 

I got a tattoo 

**Lily**

Can we see?? 

**Sirius**

_*inserts photo*_

**Marlene**

Fuck me 

What constellation is that…? 

**Remus**

Canis Major 

I will not be taking questions at this time 

**Dorcas**

That is so unbelievably romantic 

I think I might die 

Did it hurt? 

**Remus**

A bit 

Worth it though 

**Sirius**

It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen 

**Alice**

I should bloody well hope so 

what a fucking birthday present! 

**Lily**

Wow Rem… 

**Sirius**

The hottest tattoo 

On the hottest man 

and they’re both mine 

I literally cannot get over it 

**Marlene**

Vom 

but 

Cute 

**Pete**

Are you nearly here? 

Remus just stuck his tongue down Sirius’ throat 

And James yelled 

“Give him some more, Remusaur” 

People are staring 

**Lily**

Poor Pete 

We’re literally 2 mins away 

**James**

Yay! 

\------------------------------ 

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

You been served yet babe? 

**Pads**

No 

We WOULD have been served 

but Marlene is too busy chatting up the girl serving 

and is yet to actually order anything 

**Moons**

She fit? 

**Pads**

Reealllly fit 

Shes flirting HARD too 

Reckon M is in there 

**Moons**

Nice 

Can you get me a double whiskey and coke please? 

**Pads**

Though Jam just got you one? 

Sure thing though 

**Moons**

He did 

I’ve drunk it 

**Pads**

Woah 

That’s Sirius speed drinking 

Not Remus speed 

You ok? 

No judgey 

**Moons**

Ergh 

I’m working up to something 

**Pads**

OMG what?? 

**Moons**

If I drink enough whisky 

you’ll probs find out… 

\------------------------------- 

**Wolfbucks**

**Rem**

Prongs what the fuck was that?? 

**Jamie**

I don’t know! 

She said that the gin wasn’t mixed properly 

and it just happened! 

**Rem**

What do you mean it just happened?? 

James 

You stuck your finger in her drink 

and stirred it 

and not just the tip 

your whole fucking finger! 

She looked appalled! 

**Jamie**

I know 

and when I took my finger out 

I put it in my mouth 

and sucked on it 

without breaking eye contact with her 

it was incredibly uncomfortable 

but I couldn’t look away! 

**Rem**

Not sexy Jam 

Not sexy 

**Jamie**

Rem I need help 

Maybe I can save it 

with my particularly erotic rendition 

of Sweet Child of Mine? 

**Rem**

Oh bb 

**Jamie**

Good idea no? 

**Rem**

Sure 

Why not 

\------------------------------ 

**My Support Bras**

**Als**

This is hands down 

One the best things 

I’ve ever seen… 

**Dorky**

I know! 

I’m glad he’s gone last 

Nobody would be able to follow this masterpiece 

I honestly thought he just wasn’t going to have a go 

which is fair enough 

but I’m bloody glad he did 

it’s a treat 

**Lils**

Did anyone know he was going to do it?? 

**Marls**

**🙋🏻‍♀️**

I helped with the dance moves 

He made me swear not to tell anyone 

In case he chickened out 

hes got waaaay to much on me 

He looks good doesn’t he! 

**Lils**

Its freakin amazing! 

I actually can’t believe its him up there 

Hes got quite a good voice! 

**Als**

His voice?? 

I’m focussing on the fact that Remus Lupin 

can in fact dance 

like properly dance 

those hips!

 **Dorky**

LOOK at Sirius 

He looks as though he can’t actually believe this is his life 

Remus is def getting lucky tonight 

Again 

**Als**

SLUT DROP 

I don’t think I can cope 

I need some smelling salts 

**Marlene**

Fuck me 

I did not teach him that 

He proper pulled that off 

Bastards been holding out on me 

**Lils**

Well its officially ladies 

Remus Lupin has indeed 

bought Sexy Back

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Dorcas**

Well gang

Tonight was a revelation on many levels

Remus can dance

Sirius fancies himself a bit of Justin Timberlake

and just because you can sing

doesn’t mean you should sing

*cough* James

**James**

I feel attacked

**Lily**

**😂**

Don’t listen to her Jamie

I thought you were great

**Alice**

I still feel betrayed

2 and a half years Sirius!

Rebel Rebel my arse

**Sirius**

Sorry Alice

I can’t believe you outed me Moons

**Pete**

Seemed like you were ok with it

When he was up there gyrating all over the place

Yet another image seared into my brain

You’re lucky youre a looker Rem

**Sirius**

Oh I was VERY ok with it

I’m looking forward to a private performance shortly

He can gyrate on me anytime 

**Pete**

**😫**

**Marlene**

Never mind Petey

Just add it to the wank bank

**James**

That’s the spirit Marlene!

Its becoming quite an extensive collection 

**Remus**

I do worry about you Prongs

You nearly home?

I’m making hot chocolates

**James**

With mini marshmallows?

**Remus**

What do you think this is?

Amateur hour?

\------------------------------

**Jily**

**Lily**

Thanks for walking us home

Alice and Marly

were def a bit worse for wear!

**James**

You’re very welcome!

Yes

Alice and Marly…

**Lily**

Ok me too

It was Sirius making me do those Tequila shots!

Was such a good night though!

**James**

It was!

I’m really sorry about the whole finger in your drink thing though 

I don’t know why I did that

**Lily**

Yeh

Was a bit weird

Could have done without the prolonged eye contact

**James**

**☹**

I was doing so well too

**Lily**

I’m teasing

Youre doing fine James

What you up to now?

**James**

Not much

R&S have just gone to bed

Sounds like they’re having a good time…

**Lily**

Bless them

**James**

Might watch the first Hunger Games

To drown out the noise

**Lily**

Ooo I’ve not seen those

Have heard theyre good

**James**

You are missing out

They’re so good!!

You absolutely need to watch them

**Lily**

Well

If you can hold off now

I’m around tomorrow night

Maybe I could come over

and we could watch the first one?

If youre free?

**James**

Def free!

Sounds good!

**Lily**

Great!

I’ll bring snacks

**James**

And I’ll provide finger free beverages

**Lily**

**😆**

You do make me laugh

**James**

I aim to please!

Night Lils

See you tomorrow

x

**Lily**

Night Jamie

❤️


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to level with you - I wrote this after having a couple of very strong G&Ts.

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

*screenshot*

_**James** _

_Might watch the first Hunger Games_

_To drown out the noise_

_**Lily** _

_Ooo I’ve not seen those_

_Have heard theyre good_

_**James** _

_You are missing out_

_They’re so good!!_

_You absolutely need to watch them_

_**Lily** _

_Well_

_If you can hold off now_

_I’m around tomorrow night_

_Maybe I could come over_

_and we could watch the first one?_

_If youre free?_

_**James** _

_Def free!_

_Sounds good!_

_**Lily** _

_Great!_

_I’ll bring snacks_

LADS

HELP!

Is this a date?

Has Lily, true goddess and the only woman I will ever want, Evans

asked me on a date?

Or is this a friends thing?

Do friends watch films?

What am I talking about

we watch films all the time!

Are those dates??

No don’t be ridiculous James

obviously they’re not

Oh god it’s a friends things isn’t it?!

I can’t take this

I think I might actually be in love with her

My heart hurts

Why won’t you help me?

Wormy I can hear you in the shower

why aren’t you answering??

PADFOOT AND MOONY STOP SHAGGING

this is an emergency

**Moony**

FFS Prongs

things were just getting good!

Also

Drown out what noise?

**Prongs**

You can shag later

this is more important!!

**Moony**

Try telling Padfoot that

**Padfoot**

James you’re my brother

and I love you

but I was this close

**Wormtail**

Bloody hell Prongs

I was only in the shower 5 minutes

**Prongs**

Have any of you actually read my messages??

Its dire straits over here

**Moony**

MATE!

That’s 100% a date!

**Padfoot**

Wahey Jamie boy!

#Lames for the win

**Prongs**

You sure Moony?

How can you tell??

What is Lames?

**Wormtail**

I’m with Rem

That’s a date

**Padfoot**

Lily & James combined

the day after tomorrow

when youre all sickeningly in love

and all over each other

we can be like

Errrrgh Lames are SO gross

**Wormtail**

Bit rich coming from you Padfoot…

**Prongs**

Lily prefers Jily

**Moony**

Lily. Prefers. Jily

And youre seriously questioning if it’s a date??

**Padfoot**

ahem

**Moony**

*siriusly

**Prongs**

I don’t know!

She named our group chat that

but maybe in a friend way?

**Moony**

Trust me on this Prongs

**Padfoot**

A cute little film date

We’ll need to spend tomorrow setting the scene

some snacks

a nice bottle of red

You can borrow my fairy lights

and my cashmere blanket

and you can snuggle together

**Moony**

We need to wash the blanket

it err

sort of got caught in the crossfire earlier

**Padfoot**

Meh

Jam doesn’t mind

What’s a little jizz between friends?

**Wormtail**

Prongs for the love of god

Wash the blanket

You might not mind but

I’m pretty sure Lily will not be delighted

if she comes across a crusty patch

just as shes leaning in for a kiss

Rem chuck it outside your door

I’ll stick it on a wool wash

**Prongs**

Stop talking about jizz and kissing!

It’s stressing me out!

Is there going to be kissing??

I haven’t kissed anyone for months

I need to practise

Wormy come to my room

**Wormtail**

But I had to do it last time!  
Make Sirius or Remus do it

**Moony**

Little busy here Wormy

**Wormtail**

FINE

But you both owe me

Let me just get dressed

**Padfoot**

We’ll sort you out tomorrow Prongs

Make your bedroom all enticing like

**Prongs**

My BEDROOM???

She can’t come in my bedroom

I’ll actually die

Oh god do I change my bedding?

Or is that really presumptuous?

I do actually need to change my bedding

But what if I accidentally tell her I changed the bedding

and she thinks I’m assuming they’ll be bed related times

and she slaps me in the face before we’ve even watched the films

Then she’ll never get to see Hunger Games

and its so good

Oh God

What do I wear??

Should I wear a shirt or will that look like I’m trying too hard?

How can I wrangle an opportunity to be topless

My abs are looking banging at the mo

No that’s weird

I should definitely have a top on

Should I?

SHOULDN’T I??

**Moony**

Wormy he’s spiralling

Go slap him

**Wormtail**

I have to kiss AND slap him now

Why can’t one of you do the slapping?

**Padfoot**

Because we’re both naked

and circa. 10 seconds ago

Rem has my cock in his mouth

**Wormtail**

WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??

WHY DO YOU SHARE THESE THINGS??

**Prongs**

Pete hurry up!

I’ve put lip balm on!

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Sirius**

Its happening

#Lames is a go

Have spent the morning prepping Jam for their film date!

**Alice**

Yaaaaaay

Lils said she was going to see James this eve

Didn’t say anything about a film though

That’s so cuuuute!

**Sirius**

I know!

They’re watching Hunger Games

all snuggled up like

**Alice**

I’m so excited

Weird choice of film though?

**Sirius**

Oh its because Lily hasn’t seen any of the Hunger Games ones

So they’re starting with the first one

so there’s the potential for a repeat of tonight

if it goes well

**Alice**

Riiiight

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Als**

So Lilleth

You

totally accidentally I’m sure

Omitted that you’re not _just_ going to go see James this eve

but you’re actually having a film night?

**Dorky**

Ahhh that’s so sweet

You can get all cosy

And have a fumble under the blankets!

What film?

**Als**

Yes Lilington

What film?

**Lils**

We’re watching the first hunger games

And no fumbling

Maybe a SMALL amount of fumbling

If hes into it

**Marls**

We literally watched that 2 nights ago

We watch those all the times

Has J not seen them?

**Als**

YES Lilianna

Has James not seen them before??

**Lils**

Damn James

And his closeness with his friends

Which I find unnecessarily endearing

Yes James has seen them before

I may have told him I haven’t

**Dorky**

Why?

**Lils**

I saw an in and I took it

Please don’t out me!

**Marls**

You LIKE him

**Als**

Don’t worry Lils

You’re all good

**Lils**

Thanks Al

Shut up Marls

**Marlene**

HA!

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Marly**

How’s it going?

Youre spying right?

**Remy**

Pffft!

Obviously we’re spying

So far very PG

But going good I think

**Marly**

What are they doing now??

**Remy**

Just sat watching

Eating popcorn

My boy’s got the snacks and the stacks!

**Marly**

Yeh he does!

How close together are they sitting?

**Remy**

Quite close

UPDATE

Lily has put her feet in his lap

and he’s given her a foot massage!

V sexy

**Marly**

Oooo its pouring with rain

Wish we could pull a Mrs Bennett

we could have refused her the carriage

so she has to stay at yours

**Remy**

James is a proper Mr Bingley type though

Too noble

He’ll sleep on the sofa

UNLESS

Siri and I could have a fight

and then one of us would have to sleep on the sofa!

**Marly**

Ummm

I know this is a foreign concept to two lovebirds such as yourselves

But you do have your own rooms you know

**Remy**

Oh yeh

We always sleep together

I genuinely forgot that

Boooo

\------------------------------

**Jily**

**James**

I’m back

Thank for a great night

It was really nice

**Lily**

Fab

You didn’t get too wet did you?

You should of shared the umbrella with me

It was really nice

😊

**James**

What did you think of the film?

Did you love it?

**Lily**

Oh James

I have a confession to make

I’ve seen it before

Like loads of times

**James**

Oh ok

Umm

Feel like a bit of a dick now

I essentially mansplained everything to you

**Lily**

No it was good!!

I swear

I never really understand what’s going on properly

And now I do!

**James**

Ok

Why did you say you hadn’t seen it?

**Lily**

I don’t know

☹

We were just talking

and it sort of just seemed like a good idea

I just wanted to spend some time with you

I guess

**James**

Oh!

Well that’s good

But you know

You could have just asked me if I wanted to go for a coffee

Or something

**Lily**

Yes

You’re totally right

I can do this

James, I was wondering whether you fancied grabbing a coffee with me sometime?

**James**

Nah

Bit busy

Sorry

Thanks for asking though

**Lily**

JAMES!

**James**

**😂**

I’m sorry

Yeh I’d love to

More than love to actually

But you know that

When works for you?

**Lily**

You free tomorrow?

**James**

I’ve got rowing first thing

but you could meet me at the boat house after?

**Lily**

This so you can show off your muscles

All pumped from rowing?

**James**

No!

Little bit yeh

I mean if you’ve got it flaunt it right?

**Lily**

Oh absolutely

I’ll see you and your muscles at 9ish tomorrow

Night Jamie

**❤**

**James**

Night

Lovely Lily


	44. Chapter 44

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

Lads

Just to let you know

am taking my girlfriend for sushi

so I will not be home for dinner

as I will be with my girlfriend

**Moony**

W-H-O-A

Back up a bit there bud

You’re taking who for what now??

**Prongs**

Yeh

Just casually taking my girlfriend out for sushi

its my girlfriends favourite you see

so I though it would be nice for my girlfriend

**Wormtail**

Get in there Prongs!

Be honest

Was it the excellent kissing that finally ensnared her?

**Prongs**

You know what wormy

It probably was

I mean my girlfriend certainly didn’t have any problems with it

**Wormtail**

I thought as much

I am an excellent kissing instructor

**Padfoot**

AHHHHHHHHH

**Prongs**

I know!!

She met me at the boat house

and just walked straight up to me

and stuck her tongue in my mouth

Not gonna lie

I stood there doing nothing for a good ten secs

Before I actually realised what was happening

**Padfoot**

AND THEN??

**Prongs**

Well as we were standing on the pavement

thats pretty much it

BUT she let me put my hand on her waist

as we walked to town

and then on the way back to her

SHE PUT HER HAND IN MY BACK POCKET

**Moony**

Wow

That basically means you’re married

So pleased for you though Jamie

You guys are going to make a great couple

**Prongs**

I actually can’t believe

that I can actually say

that Lily Evans is my girlfriend

I mean how is this my life??

**Wormtail**

Chuffed for you mate

**Moony**

It is your life because

as Sirius just bellowed

you are the goddam fucking man!

**Prongs**

I am aren’t I?

Love you guys!

\------------------------------

**Mummy ❤️**

**Mum**

We’ve just left, dad says we’ll be with you about 4

**Remus**

Great! We can go out for dinner. Shall I come and meet you at your hotel? Or will you come here first

**Mum**

That sounds lovely. We’ll come to yours first I think. Are you going to bring that gorgeous young man of yours with you to dinner?

**Remus**

Yes, but for the love of god mum, please don’t call him that in earshot

**Mum**

Well its hardly a lie cariad

**Remus**

Ergh, fine. Tell Da that I’m expecting him to be on his best behaviour though, no embarrassing stories

**Mum**

He says he promises nothing

\-----------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Mum and Da have just left

Think you’ll get back

Just as they get here

**Pads**

Coolio

I booked a table at the pie place

for 7

Do you think that’ll work?

**Moons**

Sounds great honey

Have a good afternoon

Love you

**Pads**

Love you too

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Siriusly**

Why am I freaking out

about having dinner with Re’s mum and dad??

**Jam**

No idea

you’ve met them load of times before

You’ve been to stay with them!

**Siriusly**

I know!

It feels different for some reason

Having a massive panic

**Jam**

Whats the worst that could happen though?

**Siriusly**

What happens if I accidently say

Lyall

Great to see you again

Did you know your sons really knows what hes doing

In bed?

OR

Hope, hi!

Now tell me

Does Remus get his _very_ generous endowment from Lyall

or is that something from your side of the family

**Jam**

Oh my god

PLEASE ask Hope that

She’ll def give you an answer as well

Love Rem’s mum

And anyway

If you get super stressed

You can always nip to the gents

To have a quick whomp on the old willow

if you get my drift

that’ll sort you right out

**Siriusly**

Not helping James!

**Jam**

**😂**

Padfoot relax

It’ll be fine

Lyall and Hope are great people

they want you there

**Siriusly**

Yes

You’re right

Sorry

Need to remember not all parents

are as batshit crazy as mine are

**Jam**

Were

You’re an honorary Potter remember

**Siriusly**

I literally think about it everyday James

**Jam**

Good

And don’t you forget it

Mum would kill you

Love you Padfoot

Dinner’ll be fine

How could they not love you

**Siriusly**

What would I do without you

Love you too Prongsie

\------------------------------

**Pb to my J**

**Moons**

Why do you keep calling them

Mr & Mrs Lupin??

And why did you ask my dad

If he’s been ‘hitting the gym’??

He’s a 65 year old retired professor

The only place he’s been hitting

is his vegetable patch!!

Also are you ok??

You’ve been a very long time changing your shoes

we’re waiting outside in the car

**Pads**

I don’t know!!

I’m highkey panicking here Re

I want them to like me!

**Moons**

They already like you silly

I’m pretty sure mums eyeing up hats

for potential weddings

Come on

We can snuggle in the back of the car

**Pads**

No!

Absoltely not!

**Moons**

Umm

Why?

**Pads**

We can’t do anything in front of your parents

They can’t know we have any physical affection for each other

Your dad’s massive

**Moons**

My dad is 6ft 1

Which is exactly 1 inch taller than you

**Pads**

Well he seems taller than usual

Shit

I need to relax

**Moons**

I know what usually relaxes you

**😉**

What me to come up and help…?

**Pads**

REMUS

Great

Now I’m horny and stressed

**Pads**

Babe come on

It’ll be fine

They’re literally sat in the car

Wax lyricalling about you

**Pads**

Ok

Its going to be fine

I’m coming

Will you hold my hand in the car please?

**Moons**

I’d hold your hand until the end of time

\------------------------------

**Lupin Family Chat**

**_Lyall_** added **_Sirius_** to the group

**Lyall**

Thanks for a great dinner boys

**Hope**

Yes it was lovely to spend time with you both. The restaurant was a great choice Sirius

**Sirius**

Ahh glad you liked it

I told Re I reckoned Lyall was a pie man

**Lyall**

You hit the nail on the head son

**Hope**

Remus said he had a 9am lecture tomorrow but we were hoping you might like to join us for breakfast at our hotel Sirius love?

**Sirius**

Oh yeah

That would be great

I don’t have anything until the afternoon

I looked it up and the museum I was telling you about has a National Geographic exhibition I thought you might like Hope

**Lyall**

Sounds like a great idea, we can treat you to lunch afterwards

**Sirius**

I’ll look forward to it

I hope you sleep well

**Hope**

You too dear, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow

**Remus**

Ummm

Hello?

What about you’re actual son??

**Hope**

Sorry Remus, I just presumed you’d be tucked up in bed and reading over Sirius’ shoulder

**Remus**

Oh

Well yes I am

BUT STILL

I’m waiting…

**Lyall**

Goodnight Remus, your mother and I love you very much

**Remus**

That’s better


	45. Chapter 45

**A Good Pear**

**Alice**

How was last night??

**Sirius**

apart from a horrifically awkward moment

when I accidentally groped Hope’s left boob

it was good thanks!

**Alice**

**😂**

You groped Rem’s mum!!

**Sirius**

Accidentally!

I was taking my jacket off

at the restaurant

and she was standing right next to me

and I went to pull my arm out the sleeve

I stroked the entire way down her chest

**Alice**

This is amazing!

What she do?

**Sirius**

She laughed

and told Lyall I was trying to cop a feel

thought I was going to die

but he just turned to me

and word for word I swear to god said

“let the lad have a feel, he’s not getting much boob action these days, his interests lie a little further down”

and then he WINKED at me

so I figured hes ok with me boning his son

and we had a very nice dinner

**Alice**

HAHAHA

Rem’s dad sounds awesome

**Sirius**

He is!

He’s just like Re really

and he obviously adores him

so we’ve already got that in common

**Alice**

You are so sweet

I swear my teeth hurt when I talk to you

**Sirius**

Like you and Frank weren’t any better!!

**Alice**

True

But to be back in the honeymoon period…

**Sirius**

Oh shush

You get it plenty

**Alice**

Def not as much as you two

Anyway

Want to go in to town later?

I want an autumny red nail varnish

**Sirius**

Oh that sounds fun

But I can’t

I’m taking Lyall and Hope to that National Geographic exhibition

**Alice**

Oh nice!

Although I’m surprised you got Remus to skip lectures

Marls was moaning how she had them all morning

**Sirius**

Hes not skipping

He’s gonna meet us when hes finished I think

**Alice**

Taking them on your own…!

That’s next level stuff Siri

**Sirius**

Argh I know!!  
Lyall added me to the family group chat

last night

and Hope invited me to have breakfast with them

**Alice**

Woah

Family Group Chat

Big Deal

**Sirius**

Trying not to overthink it

But yes

AHHHHHHH

**Alice**

There he is!

Have a great day sweetie!

**Sirius**

I WILL

\------------------------------

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

Lads

My girlfriend Lily and I

are going to that new Japanese place for lunch

should I wear my red checked shirt

or the pale blue stripy?

**Wormtail**

What trousers are you wearing?

**Prongs**

Padfoot’s cream chinos

**Padfoot**

FFS Prongs

I was looking for those this morning

**Prongs**

Yes well

they make my arse look amazing

and I need them more than you!

You don’t need your arse to look good

To have breakfast with your in-laws

**Padfoot**

I think you’ll find

that its not the chinos that make my arse look good

its my arse that makes the chinos look good

**Moony**

Yum

Padfoot’s arse

You having a good morning babe?

**Padfoot**

We’re having a great time

They’re just looking in the gift shop!

**Moony**

**🙄  
** Mums obsessed with notelets

**Prongs**

Umm HELLO

Back to me please

**Moony**

Sorry Jam

Def the pale blue stripey

and tuck it in

**Padfoot**

And roll the sleeves up

Your forearms are enough to give even the straightest of men a hard on

**Moony**

What he said

**Wormtail**

Wear your black velvet jacket too!

**Prongs**

Done, done & done

What do we think lads

****

**Moony**

I’d give it up

for a piece of that hot ass

**Wormtail**

You single?

**Padfoot**

If you were a Transformer

You’d be Optimus Fine

\------------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Mum and Da

won’t stop going on

about their wonderful morning with you

**Pads**

What can I say Rem

Its not my fault my parents like me

more than they like you

we had such a fun time though

**Moons**

I can tell

Thank you for doing all of that 

I know you were nervous yesterday

**Pads**

Sounds lame

but it really was my pleasure

I mean yeh I wanted them to like me

as your boyfriend rather than just your friend Sirius

but also

I want to get to know them

Like properly get to know them

**Moons**

You’re so cute

Love you

You waiting for your lecture?

**Pads**

Yeh just standing outside

I think Al is still in town so Im chatting to that mate of Gids

The one who was chatting to us at Halloween

so at least I’ll have someone to sit next to

**Moons**

Kingsley?

**Pads**

Yeh

Asked if wanted to go for a drink with him and his mates after

**Moons**

I see

That'll be nice

**Pads**

What???

**Moons**

Nothing

Kingsley's great

but

He clearly fancies you

**Pads**

No he doesn’t!

Hes just super friendly

**Moons**

Hes super friendly

Because he wants into your pants

**Pads**

Remus Lupin

Are you jealous?

**Moons**

No

Yes

I want to sit next to you in lectures

**Pads**

You’d need to learn French sharpish Moonymine

**Moons**

I can do that

**Pads**

Course you could

Mr grand fromage Lupin

**Moons**

I am a VERY grand fromage

Thank you very much

\------------------------------

**Not Fast, Just Furious**

**Remy**

Marls you free atm?

**Marly**

Yuh

Whats up?

**Remy**

Can you help me do something?

Now?

**Marly**

Sure

I’m just walking home

I’ll pass yours in about 5

**Remy**

Amazing!

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

Fucking hell Remus!!!

I opened that folder in front of people

I audibly gasped and dribbled beer out my mouth

**Moons**

Just a little afternoon pick me up

That is all

**Pads**

Up being the operative word Re

WHEN did you take these?

And HOW?

**Moons**

I may have had Marlene’s help

Apart from the dick pics

That’s for your eyes only

**Pads**

Well fuck me sideways

You do realise I’m keeping these

Like

Forever

**Moons**

That’s the idea

You’re my Ride or Die Pads

**Pads**

I’ve definitely got something

You can ride

**Moons**

What happened to

Refusing to touch me

Until my parents went back to Wales

In case they could ‘sense’ we were getting frisky

From their hotel room

All the way across the city

**Pads**

Screw that

Send me more pictures like this

And I’ll let you ride me

Anywhere anytime

**Moons**

Anytime?

I’m home all alone right now

Prongs and Wormy are out

Won’t be back for aaaages

But

You know

Enjoy your beer…

**Pads**

You manipulative bastard

Why do I find that so hot??

**Moons**

I learnt from the best

So

**🤷‍♂️**

(Although obvs stay if you’re having a nice time

I’m not going anywhere)

**Pads**

Screw that

I’m finished anyway

Be home in 10


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first of the final 5 chapters!
> 
> Not gonna lie, its just gratuitous Wolfstar smut, if that's not your thing, it makes no different to the (very minimal!) storyline so feel free to skip :)
> 
> Massive thank to rubywallace25 who sorted me right out re: the ending, without her it really was a wham, bam, thank you mam, job. You should def read her latest story, The Amortentia Principle, which you can find [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26999671/chapters/65907916). Its ace!

“You are a total degenerate Remus Jospehina Lupin!” Sirius shouted as he opened the front door, simultaneously kicking his boots off and shrugging the jacket from his shoulders. He heard a chuckle coming from the living room and couldn’t help but let an answering smile spread across his face.

“That was quick,” Remus called back, leaning his head against the sofa so he could look towards the door frame where Sirius was now standing, pink cheeked and slightly breathless, “Did you run home?”

“I didn’t run, I power walked, I must have looked like a right dick.”

Sirius started round the arm of the sofa so he was facing Remus who was sitting half naked, grinning like the cat who got the cream.

Remus laughed and shut his laptop, placing it on the ground next to his half drunk cup of tea and his phone. He let his thighs splay slightly, watching as Sirius’ gaze was drawn towards the motion and patted the side of his left leg, “You look a bit hot and bothered.”

“I think you’ll find that I’m _always_ hot Lupin,” Sirius said, moving forward to straddle Remus, pressing their bodies together and beginning to suck gently on the delicate skin just below Remus’ jawline, “And I wonder what could have possibly got me all bothered.”

“I would say I’m sorry but now I have a lap full of Sirius I’m really, really not,” Remus answered, stroking his hands up and down Sirius’ arms and then round to rest in the back pockets of his jeans, giving a little squeeze for good measure.

Sirius hummed softly, now nuzzling at Remus’ jaw, “You’re all prickly.”

“Designer stubble babe,” Remus said, kissing the top of Sirius’ head, taking his hands out of his back pockets and sliding them up the back of Sirius’ jumper.

“Can’t be bothered to have a shave more like,” Sirius said, “Good job I like a man with a ginger beard.”

“Very good job. Kiss?”

Sirius sat up and then leaned down, cupping both Remus’ cheeks with his hands and brushing their noses together before pressing their lips together.

“I love you,” Remus mumbled as Sirius made a low noise into his mouth and deepened the kiss, running his tongue slowly over the roof off Remus’ mouth, tasting tea and beginning to rock his hips.

They stayed like that for a little while, breathing in each other; Sirius moving one hand into Remus’ curls while the other stayed on his cheek, thumb rubbing soft circles just below his ear, Remus running his hands up and down Sirius’ back, along his arms and eventually sliding down the back of his jeans where he began to knead at the supple skin there, their hips beginning to move more insistently now.

“Feels, so good,” Sirius said, pulling back so he could look down at Remus, watching the skin crinkle at the corner of his eyes, breath hitching slightly.

“Yeh, do you want to go to the bedroom?”

In answer Sirius slid his knees off the sofa and stood up, reaching a hand to pull Remus up too, before turning and leading them to his room where he immediately pulled his t-shirt over his head and went about undoing his jeans and pushing them, along with his boxers down his legs, kicking them off entirely. 

“I see you’re not hanging around,” Remus smirked, giving him an obvious once over.

“I’ve come to the very informed decision that clothes are entirely unnecessary. Get naked Lupin.”

“So pushy,” Remus huffed, but hurried to divest himself his jogging bottoms. Sirius noticed that he didn’t have any underwear on, the thought did things to him.

“Shut up.”

Remus raised his eyebrows, “Make me.”

Sirius took a step forward and pushed Remus hard in the chest so he fell backwards onto the bed, the sexual tension that was bubbling in the air broken when both boys dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“You’re ridiculous,” Sirius snorted slightly as he crawled on top of Remus, their go to position, and began peppering kisses all over his face.

“No more ridiculous than you,” Remus retorted, grabbing Sirius by the chin and bringing their mouths together again.

“Those fucking pictures Remus. For a horrible moment I thought I was going to be stuck behind that table forever, I was with _people_ and these jeans are not forgiving in the crotch area. Pretty sure I got light headed from the blood rushing south so quickly.”

Remus snickered, “That was the general idea,” but then said more seriously, “Although you do know you could have stayed right? If you were having a good time.”

“Course I know that, you great prune,” Sirius said affectionately, “But why the hell would I want to stay when my hot, hot boyfriend is at home, potentially naked and doing naughty things without me.”

“I did think about that you know, sending you something like that but couldn’t work out the logistics of filming. Thought it might be a bit much to ask Marlene.”

“Fuck that’s so hot, we should _definitely_ do that one day,” Sirius said leaning up a little and reaching down to wrap a hand around them both, “I swear I’d never get off to anything else again.”

“Noted,” Remus said on a gasp, shifting his hips as Sirius’ began to stroke them slowly, moving his hand up behind Sirius’ head and tangling his fingers in his hair, pulling sharply, like he knew Sirius liked.

Sirius hissed and began to move his hand with more intent, “I wanna fuck.”

“Yeh ok,” Remus said slightly breathlessly, and reached for the lube that was sitting on the bedside table and putting it down on the bed, “Do you want to prep me or shall I do it?”

“Actually,” Sirius started, a flush creeping down his chest, “I was thinking maybe we could try it the other way around?”

Remus closed his eyes and groaned, “Fuck me. You sure babe?”

“Yeh I think so. I keep thinking about it, I want to try.”

Sirius took his hand away, heart thumping, and Remus rolled them over, gently pressing Sirius back into the mattress with his mouth and hips.

“You want to stop at any point you say ok,” Remus said, stroking along the arch of Sirius’ high cheekbone. Sirius leaned into it and nodded his head. “Shit I feel all flustered now,” Remus continued to look down at him as he rubbed a hand over his face. “Do you want to get yourself ready or do you want me to do it?”

“You do it,” Sirius responded quickly, grabbing the lube and twisting the cap off, “I want you do it.”

Remus pressed one last kiss to Sirius’ forehead before sitting up, “Ok,” he said, patting Sirius’ side, “Roll over for me yeh?”

Sirius pouted, “But then we won’t be able to snuggle!” Remus let out a laugh,

“I know babe, but it’ll be easier if you’re on your front. How about we start that way and then if you want to roll over you can?”

Sirius huffed but rolled over all the same, burying his head in the pillows and reaching back a hand, looking for Remus. Remus took his hand and gave it a squeeze before shuffling back and coaxing Sirius’ legs open and settling in between.

He slicked his fingers on one hand while the other ran in soothing circles over the swell of Sirius’ arse, “You ready?”

“Yes,” Sirius croaked, turning his head to the side, “Go really slowly ok?”

“Yeh course,” Remus said, now stroking the pad of one finger softly over Sirius before pressing in, only a little, and stopping to let him get used to the sensation and feeling Sirius tighten around his finger.

“You’ve got to relax Pads.”

“I _am_ relaxed you” Sirius said slightly hysterically, Remus shook his head and tried to push his finger slightly further, Sirius gave a deranged sounding squeak.

“You’re not relaxed at all! Do you want to stop? We can stop, it really doesn’t matter, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone, you know this.”

Sirius pushed himself up on his forearms and then let himself drop back onto the mattress,

“No, I want to do this, can’t you just, I don’t know, just jam a couple of fingers all the way in, then the hard parts over isn’t it.”

“Oh my God Sirius I’m not doing that!” Remus removed his finger, “I think we should stop.”

“No! Come on Rem, I’m relaxed, promise.”

“I think it might be better if you do this bit.”

“But I want you to do it, please Remus.”

“Ok, one more try, but then I’m stopping.”

Remus added another dollop of lube to his fingers and then for good measure swiped some more over Sirius, who wriggled and Remus slipped the tip of his finger in before stopping, running his other hand over Sirius’ lower back.

Both boys were still for a moment before Sirius jerked his hips back and Remus’ finger slid all the way in.

“For fucks sake Sirius!”

“Its in isn’t it! I told you jammy jammy was the way to go!”

“I’ll jammy jammy you,” Remus muttered under his breath, “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine Rem, stop worrying.” Sirius canted his hips slightly again, hips rocking minutely.

“You’re mad, you know that,” Remus sighed, getting the message and beginning to move his finger slowly, “Tell me if I’m going too fast.”

“Yeah I will, this feels good though.”

Remus continued to move his finger in and out, speeding up as he felt Sirius finally beginning to relax around him until Sirius let out a little noise, “Shite Rem, more.”

Remus made a soft noise of agreement and carefully added another finger, letting it catch on Sirius’ rim a couple of time before pressing both inside. Sirius pushed his hips towards Remus, getting used to the stretch as Remus began to twist his hand.

“Oh god,” Sirius moaned softly, “this feels so much better than when I do it to myself.”

Remus gave a groan, cock twitching at the image, “Fuck, you’re going to kill me, I definitely want to see that at some point.”

“That can… that can be arranged,” Sirius said on a gasp, opening his legs wider, “I think I’m ready, do you think I’m ready?”

“I want to do three,” Remus shook his head, pressing a third finger alongside the others, feeling Sirius tense and then relax once again.

“Oh my god, I love this,” Sirius’ voice caught, “Ah, Remus.”

Encouraged, Remus removed his hand, wiping it on the duvet, wrapping an arm around Sirius’ waist and pulling until he was on his hands and knees. “You ready?” he asked, leaning over to press wet, sucking kisses down Sirius’ spine.

Sirius shivered and let his head drop down, rocking slightly, “Yes.”

With shaking hands Remus snatched up the now almost empty tube of lube and squeezed the last of it into his palm before spreading it over his cock, allowing himself a few extra pulls before placing one hand of Sirius’ left hip and lining himself up with the other and pressing in.

“Ah… its,” Sirius exhaled and Remus stopped.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeh, a bit, don’t stop.”

“Fuck,” Remus whispered, dropping his forehead on to Sirius’ back as he continued to push in, careful and slow, stopping a few times to ground himself. He reached around to Sirius’ cock, finding it flagging and wrapped his fist around it, giving it a few gentle tugs until they were finally pressed together.

“Ok?” Remus asked, eyes screwed shut.

“Yeh,” Sirius gritted out, “Feels weird.”

“Good weird or bad weird?”

“Good weird, definitely good weird,” Sirius whined low in this throat, “Move Rem, please.”

Sirius thighs were shaking as Remus began to pull back slowly and then push back in with more force, covering himself over Sirius’ back, who was now pressing back against him, making punched out sounds on every thrust.

“Remus… I… Remus.”

“I’m here, I’m here, what do you need?”

Sirius cried out, arms giving way and he collapsed down on to the mattress, “Just you, _ah._ ”

Remus could feel himself dancing on the edge, desperate to come but at the same time wanting this to go on forever. With a monumental effort he reached an arm around Sirius’ waist and hauled him upright, pulling him up against his chest, thrusting up hard.

“Shit!” Sirius’ voice broke as the angle changed, “Re… Please.”

“I’m gonna come, you feel… shit… you feel so good” Remus spoke in to the sweaty skin of Sirius’ neck, thrusts now erratic, grinding his hips up in to Sirius whose head was lolling back on to Remus’ shoulder, he had a dazed look on his face and was panting hard. With one final hard push Remus stilled, orgasm washing over him.

“Oh fuck, I can feel it,” Sirius moaned, moving his hips in tight circles, working Remus through his orgasm. Remus let him grind down and fumbled for his cock, which was red and weeping. He wrapped his hand around it, moving his fist in fast, firm strokes.

“Yes, yes,” Sirius chanted, hand going to up to hold the back of Remus’ head, pulling him in for a messy, awkward kiss as he came over Remus’ hand.

“Holy fuck,” Remus mumbled, as he pitched them both forward, landing on top of Sirius with a groan, “I think I might be dead.”

Sirius huffed out a laugh and then grimaced as Remus pulled slowly out of him.

Remus began kissing softly along the line of Sirius’ shoulders, “How is it,” he said between breaths, “that every time we do anything you get sexier?”

Sirius struggled for a moment, turning over so he was lying face up, letting Remus brush his hair off his sweaty forehead and giving him a lopsided smile as he reached up to brush his fingertips over the inked constellation sitting just below his left shoulder.

“Nah, you’ve just got a magic dick.”

Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ lips, “You’re a magic dick.”

“I am pretty magical, yeh,” Sirius retorted making Remus laugh and bury his face in Sirius’ shoulder, “My legs feel like jelly, fuck, we can definitely do that again.”

“You won’t see me complaining, I thought I was literally going to explode at one point, the noises you make are not good for my stamina.”

“But you did explode Rem,” Sirius gave him a leer, “Inside me, and I for one am not mad about it.”

“Me neither, you’re so sexy even when you’re trying to be gross. We should clean up, you’ll get itchy otherwise.”

“In a minute,” Sirius sighed, reaching his arms around Remus’ neck and pulling him down on top of him, “Cuddles first.”

“Yeh,” Remus murmured contently, “Cuddles first.”

\------------------------------

“Honey’s we’re home,” James sang as he banged open the front door, Pete trailing behind him, “Warning that we’ll be in the living room in 10 seconds so put your clothes back on!”

“Hey!” Remus said affronted, “Not once have you walked in on us naked in the living room.”

“Don’t act like you _haven’t_ been naked in the living room Rem,” James grinned, strolling in looking chipper, “I have it on good authority from Padfoot that you have been.” Sirius looked at Remus sheepishly.

“Ooo, potato smilies!” James carried on, “What’s gone on to warrant cracking open those? The three of you are looking very cosy.”

“Today just seems like a celebratory day, that’s all,” Sirius said airily, giving Minty a scritch under her chin from where she was curled in Remus’ lap. James narrowed his eyes and looked at both boys appraisingly,

“If you say so,” he said and then mouthed at Sirius, “You’re gonna tell me later right?” 

“Obviously,” Sirius mouthed back. Remus rolled his eyes, and continued to run his fingers through Sirius’ hair, his arm resting across the back of the sofa.

“Fuck, hot!” Pete spluttered, opening his mouth and letting the potato smilie he’d pinched fall out of his mouth.

“Take me Pettigrew, I’m yours,” Remus said drolly as Pete stuck a finger in his mouth.

“I’ve burnt my tongue,” he said morosely.

“Nothing a good fizzy vimto won’t fix!” James said, grabbing a bag and pulling out four bottles.

“How was your date Jamie?” Sirius asked.

“SO good, she’s so amazing and so beautiful and just UGH,” he flopped down on to the sofa next to Remus who slung his other arm over his shoulder.

“I know Prongsie.” Remus said, leaning a cheek against James’ head, “Wanna drink your vimto and regroup for ten minutes and then tell us about it.”

“Yes please,” James answered, reaching for the remote, “Lets watch Ice Road Truckers, come snuggle Petey.”

Pete plopped down next to Sirius who immediately shoved another potato smilie in his mouth, “Yum, thanks Padfoot,” he said through his mouthful.

He turned his head to look at him but found Sirius and Remus kissing slowly, both smiling. He leaned forward and caught James’ eye who just looked at the two boys affectionately and made a heart shape with both thumbs and forefingers before snatching up the remote and beginning to scroll through Netflix.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is late!!
> 
> Like a lot of people i've been obsessively refreshing the news re: the US election (even though i'm the most British of all the Britishes my mums from Connecticut so I have a vested interest!)
> 
> ANYWAY, have some Jily...

**Jily**

**Lily**

What ya doing?

**James**

You?

**Lily**

**😂**

Jamie!

**James**

Sorry sorry

Was worth a try though

wasn’t it

**Lily**

You never know

**James**

Siriusly though not much

watched about ten episodes of Ice Road Truckers

with the lads

Had a fizzy vimto

Standard stuff

You?

**Lily**

Need to finish my essay

but can’t be bothered

Also

Fizzy vimto is grim

**James**

Sacrilege!

Fizzy Vimto is the KING of all fizzy beverages

**Lily**

Absolutely not

I think you’ll find

That Cherry Pepsi Max

Is the ultimate fizz

**James**

ERGH NO

It tastes like raisins

**🤢**

**Lily**

What’s wrong with that??

**James**

Raisins are the devils food

They literally ruin everything

Danish pastries

Granola

SCONES

Don’t even get me started on raisins pretending to be chocolate chips in cookies

They look like wrinkled little toes of doom

**Lily**

Wow

I had no

You took such a strong stance

on raisins

**James**

Yes well

Now you do

You can’t actually be telling me you like them??

**Lily**

No…

**James**

Next you’ll be telling me

you like pineapple on pizza

**Lily**

God no

I’m not a monster James

**James**

Phew

I’ll let the raisin thing slide this time then Evans

**Lily**

You’re so good to me

**James**

I know

Its v hard being so subservient sometimes

**Lily**

We all have our crosses to bear

Ugh

I really need to finish this essay

I have zero motivation

**James**

Hate that

When it due in?

**Lily**

Not until Monday

but I’m doing that thing

where I keep dreaming that I’m doing it

so just want it out of my life

**James**

I bet

Can I help?

I could come over

If anything I could be your personal cheerleader

**Lily**

Its midnight??

**James**

So

I don’t mind

**Lily**

Nah

Thanks though 

😊

I had a really good time today

Btw

**James**

Me too!

Padfoot was mad I didn’t bring him back any spicy tuna rolls

**Lily**

Yummm

They were SO GOOD

I’m sorry about the Wasabi incident though

**James**

What wasabi incident?

There was no wasabi incident

**Lily**

James

You’re going to have to come to terms

With the wasabi incident

Because I plan to tell everyone about it

**James**

Mean

**Lily**

That’s me!

Right

I better get on with this essay

Speak/see you tomorrow?

**James**

Sounds good

Hope you get it all done

Shout if you change your mind re: a cheerleader

**Lily**

I will

Night J

**James**

Night Lils

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Als**

Did I miss the date debrief??

**Marls**

No!

She snuck in when me and Dorky were out

and then claimed she’d tell us

after she’d finished her essay

and then she fell asleep!!

**Lils**

I’m sorry!

I was tired

It was a very busy day

**Dorky**

WAS it now??

Pray tell

**Lils**

Not like that

Although I don’t think he would have said no

But you know me

I’m a third date type of gal

**Als**

We don’t call you

Third date Lily

For nothing

**Marls**

Pretty sure

We don’t call her that at all Al

How was it though??

**Lils**

It was so fun

Like SO fun

Guys

I missed two lectures

because I didn’t want it to end

**Dorky**

Lily Evans!

I am shooketh

Have you EVER missed a lecture?

**Lils**

I missed one day

In first year

when I had flu

But otherwise no

**Als**

Ahhhhhhhh!

First Wolfstar

Now Lames

I can’t cope

Tell us in minute detail EVERYTHING that happened please

**Lils**

Lol

I met him after his rowing practise

we went for coffee

then we went jeans shopping

which is normally a godawful time

but he made it really fun

and was surprisingly honest about what suited/what didn’t

then we had Sushi

then we went bowling

which was a very rogue suggestion of his

but turned out to be surprisingly fun

and then we to that new wine bar

and had antipasti and prosecco

and then he walked me home

**Dorky**

Not going to lie

I’m highkey jealous

That sounds like an amazing day

I’m so pleased for you

you make an awesome couple

Did he kiss you??

**Lils**

Nah

**Alice**

BOOOOO

**Lils**

I kissed him

**Als**

Hell yeh you did!!

OMG you’re going to fall in love

and get married

and have SUCH gorgeous children

**Marls**

Oooo yeh

With his black hair

And your green eyes

I’m so glad you had a good day Lils

You so deserve it after you-know-who

**Lils**

Thanks ladies

**Als**

Also

Can we just revisit

that he helped you go jeans shopping??

Brave move on both parts

The loud grunting sound I make

when trying on skinny jeans

could easily be mistaken

for someone trying to move a grand piano by themselves

**Lils**

I know!

Was slightly nerve wracking

but it was fine

I tried on some skinnies

which were also high waisted

and he said

“oh dear you look like a plum”

But in such a nice way

That I couldn’t even be a little bit offended

He just sat and waited until I found some I liked

and told me my arse looked cracking several times

He was a real sweetheart all day

Although there was a hilarious moment with some wasabi

**Dorky**

Which you’re obviously going to tell us about

**Lils**

Obvs

Basc

He was going on about how the tuna wasn’t spicy enough

So I said to put some wasabi on it

and he said wasabi wasn’t spicy

it was hot

bla bla bla

he went all medical termy

(which was lowkey a turn on btw)

BUT the result of the convo

was that I told him to eat

a tablespoon on wasabi

and he did it

**Marls**

Lol

**Als**

What happened?

**Lils**

Well first his eyes watered

and I found out he was wearing mascara

because Remus had told him it made his eyes pop??

Which was a thing in itself

But then he began to choke on the tuna

And in the end coughed SO much

that a bit of fish flew out his nose

and landed in my wine

and then for some reason

he grabbed my glass and downed it

and to finish it off he then burped horrendously loudly

and a bit of sick came out

It was the most unsmooth thing

I have ever witnessed

**Dorky**

I take it back

Bin him immediately

**Lils**

😂 

It was a close call

But I figured

Any man

Who’s arse looks that good

In white chinos

Deserves a second chance


	48. Chapter 48

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Sirius**

Good morrow fair maidens

**Remus**

And Marlene

**Marlene**

Extremely rude

**Sirius**

Us gentleman have been talking

How do we feel about sacking off the Christmas Ball

and doing something of our own?

**Lily**

Interested

The Christmas ball is always a massive anti climax

What were you thinking?

**Sirius**

Well we thought about maybe doing something here

Get a massive fuck off tree

Decorate the shiz out of the house

Get dressed up in our finery

And have some fizz and nibbles

**Alice**

In other words

Don a ball gown

And get wrecked at yours?

**Sirius**

Essentially yeh

**Alice**

Sounds awesome

I’m in

**Marlene**

Me too

Last year was an unmitigated disaster

Dorko fell asleep before we even left the house

Pete vommed after eating to many cocktail sausages

Rem and Fabian got pissed and treated us to a very risqué show on the dance floor

While Sirius glared daggers at them and then disappeared

And came back red eyed and proceeded to pull that girl who became obsessed with him

And James’ trousers gave up the ghost while he was trying to impress Lily with his dance moves

**Remus**

Oh god I’d forgotten about that girl

She kept appearing at the house for AGES afterwards

Poor love

Little did she know where Pad’s true heart lay

**  
Dorcas**

You’re one to talk Remus!

I got sick of hearing you moan about her

‘I don’t know what he sees in her, she’s a total bimbo’

‘Did you know she hasn’t even read Tristan and Iseult?’

‘God her laugh is atrocious’

**Lily**

Oh I want to play

‘Do you think she’s too tall for him? I think she’s too tall for him?’

‘I reckon she only drinks black coffee to look cool’

‘She looks totally ridiculous is his leather jacket’

**Remus**

Cheers guys

Way to help a guy out

**James**

**😂**

OMG I remember this

Rem you were so jealous

I remember thinking how weird it was

Poor Molly

She was actually quite nice

**Sirius**

Well this conversation has made my day

I love jealous Remus

He’s my fav

**Pete**

Thats because you normally get sex out of it

**Sirius**

Too right Petey!

**Remus**

ANYWAY

Back to the party

Is it a go?

**Alice**

I reckon so

Any excuse to get dressed up all fancy

But with the added convenience of not actually having to go anywhere

With other people

**James**

Ball park figure on numbers?

Don’t want to leave people short on the nibbles front

**Marlene**

I’ve just realised

Is this really just a ruse

For Sirius to go to Iceland

And get shit loads of party snacks

**Sirius**

You can get so many

For literally no money!!

Why wouldn’t you want that?

Last night me and Rem shared a bag of chicken nuggets

50 for £1!!

**Lily**

I shudder to think whats actually in them

**Remus**

Eh

If you slather them in bbq sauce

And just shove them in without thinking about it

Its all good

**Pete**

And the best bit was

I got to have the leftover ones

For breakfast this morning

They’d only gone a bit soggy

**Dorcas**

Peter Pettigrew

Ladies and gentleman

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Will you come with

To help buy a suit please

**Pads**

I’ll buy you whatever you want baby

**Moons**

That’s not what I meant

**Pads**

Yeh I know

But I liked the idea of being your sugar daddy for the day

**Moons**

Well then Daddy

I’ll let you buy me suit

**Pads**

And shoes?

**Moons**

And shoes

**Pads**

Wow Re

Thought you’d put up more of a fight

**Moons**

I can fight you

If you want Daddy

**Pads**

Oh no you don’t Remus Lupin

I’ve just got to Pet at Home

I do not need people

Thinking I’m getting off on looking at Siberian Hamsters

**Moons**

**😂**

Niche fetish there Pads

Do they have those massive house rabbits they had last time

They were pretty sexy

**Pads**

YOU’RE pretty sexy

**Moons**

Only for Daddy…

Anyway

What are you getting from Pets at Home?

**Pads**

I read an article this morning

That lots of cats like igloo beds

Because he makes them feel safe

So I thought I’d try it with Minty

Maybe it will persuade her to sleep somewhere that isn’t our bed

**Moons**

You love her on the bed though?

**Pads**

Yeh but she keeps waking up

In the middle of the night

And sitting on my chest and batting at my face

**Moons**

I did wonder why you began flinging your arms around

In the middle of the night

Prongs has just text

Do you want to go to that new wine bar

With everyone this eve

Apparently its really nice

**Pads**

Yeh maybe

Although if everyone else is out

We could stay in and share a bottle of nice red

And then shag on the sofa?

**Moons**

Yes

I want to do that please

**Pads**

I’ll grab a bottle on my way home

**Moons**

And some of those raspberry chocolate covered marshmallow?

**Pads**

No probs

**Moons**

Thank you Daddy

**Pads**

Ngh

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Pete**

Me and James are on our way

**Lily**

Great

We’ve just got here

They’ve got a live jazz band playing!

**James**

Sweet!

Love myself some jazz

Shame Rem’s not with us

**Marlene**

No Remus tonight?

**Pete**

Or Sirius

**Alice**

Let me guess…

Sirius has a headache?

Remus is washing his hair?

**James**

Nah

I think they just want the flat empty

Sirius is desperate to fulfil a fantasy and

polish the porpoise

On the sofa

If you know what I mean

**Dorcas**

I mean

I think I know what you mean

But

You know never mind

See you in a min!

\------------------------------

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

Just in case you hadn’t realised

Petey and I are back

**Moony**

I hope so!

Or someone else was in the bathroom

**Prongs**

Oh sorry

I was just brushing my teeth

You should of just come in

**Moony**

You might have been on the loo!

And also

I was totally naked

**Prongs**

Wouldn’t have been the first time

For either of those Remy boy

Anyway

You know I like a chat on the loo sometimes

**Moony**

You’re so weird Prongs

Did you have a good time?

**Prongs**

Yeh was fun

You should have come

**Moony**

Maybe next time

Sirius didn’t feel great

Felt mean leaving him home alone

**Wormtail**

Rem

You know full well

That we know that’s not true

**Prongs**

Sirius told me what your plans were

I hear your Halloween cape made a reappearance

**Moony**

Dammit Sirius

Can’t a bloke shag his boyfriend

Wearing a cape

While he wears wolf ears

Without the whole world knowing about it

**Wormtail**

Nope!

**Moony**

You know what

I’m not even surprised

Glad you had a good night though

**Prongs**

We’re about to watch Sundays Strictly

You and Padfoot coming?

**Moony**

I might see if I can sneak out

Pads is dead to the world

**Prongs**

Exhausted him did you Moony…

**Moony**

Damn right I did!

Shit

Don’t sit on the end sofa cushion!!

You literally came in just as I’d finished hauling Pads to bed

i need to sort it

**Prongs**

Too late…

**Wormtail**

FFS you two!

There’s a wet patch

And now its on me

I imagine you or Padfoot must have spilt some water

and NOTHING ELSE

**Moony**

Yes that’s right Wormy

Water…

I’m just coming to stick the cover in the wash though

Don’t want the water to stain

Or anything

Can I make you a Remus special hot chocolate Petey my very best pal?

**Wormtail**

I also want the rest of these marshmallow on the coffee table

**Moony**

Deal

Love you!


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The penultimate chapter! I'm a bit sad.

**Wolfbucks**

**Jamie**

Do you want to come for a swim

tomorrow morning?

We haven’t been for ages

**Rem**

Ooo yeh

Sounds good

The minimal muscle

I had in my upper arms

Has turned to mush

and is now just flopping around

**Jamie**

Would have thought

Your arms got enough of a work out

With all the pining Padfoot to the wall you do

**Rem**

Boooo

I knew you were going to say that

We’re not totally sex obsessed

You know

**Jamie**

Try telling Wormy that…

**Rem**

Poor Petey

I'm going to go see if he wants to cuddle

Tbh I’m not really sure why he puts up with us

**Jamie**

Because we’re awesome?

Cuddles you say??

**Rem**

We really are aren’t we

What time we going tomorrow?

Pete was available for cuddles

so you better get in quick

**Jamie**

OMW!

6?

**Rem**

…

**Jamie**

Fine

8?

**Rem**

Slllightly better

Can we get cake after?

**Jamie**

Rem who do you think you’re talking to?

Obviously we’re getting cake after

**Rem**

Yaaaay!

Prongs and Moony time!!

**Jamie**

My fav

**😚**

\------------------------------

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Moony**

Who wants what cake bringing back?

**Padfoot**

Do they have any frangipanes??

**Moony**

Apricot and raspberry

**Padfoot**

Apricot please

Thanks Moons

**Moony**

Wormtail?

**Wormtail**

A brownie please

**Prongs**

Any particular type?

They’ve got plain

But they’ve also got some fancy ones

**Wormtail**

Just a plain cheers

You know me

I’m just a small town girl

**Prongs**

Living in a lonely world??

**Padfoot**

Taking the midnight train going aaannnyywhere?

**Wormtail**

I take it back

I am in fact

JUST A CITY BOY

**Prongs**

Born and raised in Newcastlllee

**Padfoot**

He took the midnight train going aaaannnyywhere

**Wormtail**

A singer in a smokey room

**Prongs**

The smell of wine and cheap perfume

**Padfoot**

For a smile they can share the night

**Prongs**

It goes on and on

**Padfoot**

and on

**Wormtail**

and on

**Prongs**

…

**Padfoot**

…

**Wormtail**

…

**Moony**

**🙄**

Strangers

**Padfoot**

waiting

**Wormtail**

Up and down the boulevard

**Prongs**

Their shadows searching in the nah-ii-ight

**Moony**

Streetlights

**Prongs**

people

**Wormtail**

Living just to find emotion

**Padfoot**

Hiding somewhere in the niiiiiight

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Marls**

For this party

What are we thinking??

Are we going full ball gown?

Or slutty yet tasteful glittery?

**Als**

Alllll the glitter

They had some really nice stuff in House of Fraser

**Lils**

Ooo really?

I don’t have anything this afternoon

I might go look

**Marls**

Can I come with?

**Dorky**

Me too

**Lils**

Course!

**Als**

Oh I was going to see Frank

Might go round this morn

And then I can come too!

**Marls**

Yes Alice!

Do it and then we can shop this afternoon

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Can you see if they’ve got it in the next size up?

I think this one is labelled wrong

It says it’s a 44” jacket but its def not

**Pads**

You don’t need the next size up

Its supposed to be tight

**Moons**

This isn’t tight

Its obscene!

I also think the pattern makes me look like I’m trying to hard

**Pads**

Well I bet you look banging

**Moons**

I do not

Its alright for you

You look fucking amazing in anything

I feel stupid

**Pads**

Don’t feel stupid Re

I’ll see what else they’ve got

Maybe something in blue?

**Moons**

Yeh ok

Thanks Pads

**Pads**

I’ve found the one!

I’ll leave it outside the door

**Moons**

Sirius this is velvet!!

**Pads**

And?

Very seasonal

Just try it on

For me

**Moons**

Fine

**Pads**

Well…

**Moons**

I take it back

I look hot

**Pads**

My man always looks hot

I wanna see

I’m coming in

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Dorcas**

Pete and James

We bumped into your other half

out shopping

and have decided to go to Las Iguanas

for impromptu 2-1 cocktails

you in?

**James**

Absolutely!

Gonna get myself some Mojitos

**Sirius**

Already on it babe

**James**

Padfoot my one true love

**Lily**

Pete with you J?

**James**

No

I think he was on the lunch shift

So should be finishing literally any second

**Remus**

I’ll get him his strawberry daiquiris

on the off chance

Also while S and I are at the bar

Do we want nachos?

**Alice**

Yes!

**Marlene**

Yes!

**Dorcas**

Yes!

**Lily**

Yes!

**James**

All the nachos!

\------------------------------

**A Good Pear**

**Alice**

Look at Lames!!

**Sirius**

I know!

This is the first time I’ve seen them out together

Like together together

You know what I mean

**Alice**

They’re super cute

Forgot you weren’t there the other night

**Sirius**

Yeh Rem and I were busy

**Alice**

You mean you were shagging on the sofa

James doesn’t hold anything back

You know that

**Sirius**

Fair

**Alice**

I think he has his hand on her thigh

Underneath the table

**Sirius**

I wanna see!!

**Alice**

Really Sirius??

The whole dropping your fork thing

**Sirius**

It worked didn’t it!

And I can confirm that there is hand on thigh action going on

Quite high up the thigh too…

**Alice**

Remus is looking at you

Like you’re the disappointing child

And you’re about to get reprimanded

**Sirius**

Alice I’m not going to lie

I bloody love that look

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Moons**

Sirius!

Leave them be!

**Pads**

But he has his hand on her leg!

**Moons**

You’ve done the fork dropping three times now!

Come back up!

**Pads**

I’m just checking if the hand is getting any higher

Its not

I’m gonna move his hand for him

Just up a little

**Moons**

No you’re not

You’re going to come back up here

And sit nicely

If you’re good

I’ll put my hand on your thigh

**Pads**

Fine

Ruin all my fun

He would have thanked me you know

**Moons**

I’m sure he would have

**Pads**

Umm moons?

**Moons**

Yes baby?

**Pads**

That’s not my thigh

**Moons**

I know

Now be a good boy 

and stay still for me

**Pads**

Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if people will be interested in reading but I'm going to write a couple of one-shots that match up with various chapters. So far people have ask for:
> 
> 1\. Drunk Remusaurus  
> 2\. Wolfstar pov from Dorcas' bathroom incident  
> 3\. Remus doing karaoke on Sirius' birthday
> 
> Shout if there are any others and I'll add them to the list. 
> 
> I also haven't ruled out continuing this, although I think I'd need to think of some actual storyline first, rather than whatever this nonsense has been! I'd put it up as a new story too


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go...
> 
> V important Iceland prawn ring discussion courtesy of modernminimalist. I highly recommend you check out her current WIP, a Drarry textfic which I am LOVING - read it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24204451/chapters/59534455)
> 
> As usual all the love to rubywallace25 who offers only good advice - read her latest amazing number [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26999671/chapters/65907916)

**A Good Pear**

**Sirius**

**Alice**

OMG

What a deal!!

**Sirius**

I know!!

Haribos coming your way

There were some halloween ones left

and they have little bats in!

SO CUTE

**Alice**

Yum

Be honest though Siri

How many party snacks

have you bought?

**Sirius**

A perfectly reasonable amount

Remus says I've done a very good job

😀

**Alice**

Ahh yes

Speaking of Remus

and good jobs...

Was he giving you a handjob

under the table in Las Iguanas yesterday???

**Sirius**

No...

**Alice**

I KNEW it

I told the girls he was

and no-one believed me!

**Sirius**

Does it still count

if i didn't finish?

**Alice**

Yes it still counts

How are you two so thirsty all the time??

Lily said that even you weren't that depraved

**Sirius**

How dare Lily underestimate

how depraved we are

**Alice**

I never thought Remus

would have such an exhibitionist kink

he really is a dirty bugger

**Sirius**

You have no idea

Yesterday

hes chatting away

with his hand casually stuck down my trousers

and its taking everything

and i mean everything

i have in me not to make a noise

and he leans over

and whispers in my ear

that i'm being a _good boy_

Honestly thought it was game over

I knew it

He knew it

I'm thinking about how i'm about to ruin my nice boxers with the pineapples on 

and he just stops

takes my hand and uses it to adjust himself

and then saunters off to the bar!!

**Alice**

😂

What a legend

**Sirius**

NOT the word i used

when we got home

But i'm telling you Al

_Good. Boy._

It would seem i've got a bit of a praise kink

**Alice**

Oh hun

Bless you

**Sirius**

What?

**Alice**

Its just

I think the whole world and their dog could have guessed you'd have a praise kink

**Sirius**

No they couldn't!

Really?

Do you think Remus knows??

**Alice**

Yes Sirius

Remus knows

He definitely knows

**Sirius**

That sneaky lupine bastard!

\------------------------------

**Lupin Family Chat**

**Hope**

Hi cariads, Dad and I were just wondering how you're planning to get home on Saturday, Remus mentioned that you might drive?

**Remus**

Sorry mum i totally forgot

Yes we're going to drive

Then if we need to stop because of Minty we can

**Hope**

Great, do we need to get anything for Minty?

**Sirius**

No I think we're all set thanks Hope!

**Hope**

We're really looking forward to seeing you both. Sirius love, do you want me to set up the guest bedroom for you, or are you ok sharing with Remus?

**Sirius**

Oh

I don't mind

Am happy to share with Re

but if you'd rather i was in the guest room

then that's absolutely fine

**Lyall**

We'll put you in with Remus, its not like either of you can get pregnant, and that way neither of you will have to sneak around

**Remus**

Dad!

Can you not!

**Hope**

Now Remus, Lupins are renowned for their high sex drives so you should enjoy it while you're young, before jobs and children become your priority 

**Lyall**

Not that me and your mother do too badly, hey Hopey, reckon we could give the young'uns a run for their money

**Remus**

Oh my god

Kill me now

Take that back!!

**Hope**

Sex is a perfectly natural and healthy part of a relationship and if you're anything like your father, well I imagine you both work up quite an appetite, it was exhausting! I imagine Sirius must find the same, don't you dear?

**Remus**

Sirius do not answer that!!

**Sirius**

Umm

**Lyall**

Well your mother and I have got plenty of snacks in that you can help yourselves too

**Remus**

How is this getting worse?

I am BEGGING you to stop

There is no sex

There will be NO SEX

FROM ANYONE

GOODBYE

\------------------------------

**PB to my J**

**Pads**

No sex hey?

**Remus**

No!

My dick has shrivelled up and died

**Pads**

RIP Moony's dick

That's a shame

I was only with you for the sex

**Moons**

Humph

**Pads**

I'm going to text your mum

to ask if

like your dads high sex drive

you also get your massive

**Moons**

NO YOU ARE NOT

**Pads**

This is so fun

I love your parents

**Moons**

Yes well apparently

they love each other

VERY MUCH too

**Pads**

😂

**Moons**

I wonder if my life will be different

now I've committed myself to celibacy?

**Pads**

Celibacy hmm?

Well in that case 

you won't be wanting this selfie

I took in the shower earlier

**Moons**

Interested

Continue

**Pads**

Oh no no

I couldn't forgive myself 

if you broke your newly made vow

because of me

**Moons**

Maybe I was a bit hasty

the photo might help me

make a more informed decision?

**Pads**

Would it now

**Moons**

Yes

I'm waiting...

**Pads**

****

**Moons**

Shit you're cute

Although thats not exactly

what i had in mind

when you said shower selfie

**Pads**

I didn't want

to upset

your delicate celibate

sensibilities

**Moons**

I'll upset

your delicate sensibilities

**Pads**

Is that a promise?

**Moons**

Grrrr

Who took the picture??

**Pads**

Prongs

Obviously

he's a bit bored 

**Moons**

Sure

Although i have to say

that photo hasn't really helped

my decision making

any chance

of another?

**Pads**

I don't know

I mean

I've just crawled in to bed

for a nap

so not really a good time

for the old selfie

**Moons**

I HIGHKEY disagree

with that statement

**Pads**

Do you now?

What a shocker

**Moons**

I'll tell you what

If you can be my good boy

and send me a snap

then when i get back

i'll do that thing you really like

**Pads**

Don't you good boy me

you floozy

I know your game

anyway

I can do that thing

to myself

**Moons**

I'll do it with my tongue

**Pads**

****

**Moons**

Such a good boy for me

**Pads**

Hurry the fuck up

I'm not waiting

**Moons**

OMW

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**James**

I hope youre ready ladies

check out this beauty

**Dorcas**

OMG

is that an infamous iceland prawn ring?

**Remus**

The sustenance of champions

**Lily**

😂

Those olives though

**James**

Hey!

those olives were an inspired idea

**Lily**

I'm sure they were sweetie

**James**

its also the only thing

Rem and Pete

would let us do

**Sirius**

Today i have learnt

that when it comes to arranging party snacks

you don't piss off Peter Pettigrew

**Remus**

To be fair

the photo of your prawn ring

and petes photo of the entire spread

are from two different worlds

**Pete**

****

For the 'gram innit

#muchfilter

**Marlene**

Woah

That looks frickin amazing!

**Alice**

If being a therapist

doesn't work out for you Pete

youve got a ready made career right there

**Sirius**

Can you make money

arranging platters of snacks?

**Marlene**

Dunno

Probably

Anyway we're all glammed up

We'll be with you in half an hour!

**Sirius**

Amazeballs

I've got a couple of bottles of really good Cremant de Bourgogne

which we can crack open

before the riff raff arrive

They can have the cheap shit

**Remus**

Youre such a good host babe

**Sirius**

I know right?

\------------------------------

**Jily**

**James**

I know i literally just said this

but you look

so amazing

i'm actually not sure what to do with myself

**Lily**

Youre so sweet

Thank you

I really like this dress

**James**

I really like _you_

**Lily**

I really like you too

Your arms look so hot in that shirt

**James**

Lily Evans

i'm beginning to think 

you have a thing for my arms

**Lily**

😉

reckon you could pick me up?

**James**

I can definitely pick you up

**Lily**

Wanna try...?

**James**

I mean sure

if you want me to

**Lily**

I want you too

**James**

Righto

Oh

you mean now?

**Lily**

Yes James

i mean now

**James**

Where are you??

I'm in the living room

and was just in the kitchen

where you weren’t 

**Lily**

I'm in your bedroom

**James**

Oh ok

Why are you in there?

OHHH!

I'm coming

**Lily**

Play your cards right

and you might just be

\------------------------------

**Wolfbucks**

**Rem**

I AM SO SORRY

**Jamie**

No worries Moony!

We were just having a chat

**Rem**

You had your hand up Lilys dress!

And no shirt on!

And i'm pretty sure your trousers were undone

**Jamie**

A hand up skirt no shirt undone trousers chat?

Did you need me?

**Rem**

I was just going to grab

your bluetooth speaker

I've got Pads' instead

Stop texting me!

**Jamie**

But i thought you might have needed me

Prongs is always available for Moony

**Rem**

Why are you texting in the third person??

Why are texting at all??

**Jamie**

I feel a bit lightheaded actually

**Rem**

FFS

Tell Lily to lie you down

**Jamie**

That is a GREAT idea Rem

**Rem**

No thats not what i meant!

You know what

never mind

Have fun you two!

\------------------------------

**My Ride or Die**

**Siriusly**

Bow-chick-a-wow-wow

My main man

Doing a bit of the horizontal greased-weasel tango!

You give it to her good Prongsie

but you know

in a respectful way

I LOVE YOU

**Jam**

Padfoot

I think i might be dead

**Siriusly**

Where are you?

Lily just came back in

Looking decidedly disshevelled 

with a very big smile on her face!

**Jam**

Still in my room

I said we should leave separetly

so it wasn't so obvious

but really 

i said it because i'm pretty sure

i've blown my brains out

and can no longer move

**Siriusly**

I'll bring you some pigs in blankets

and a whisky

**Jam**

Youre amazing

I love you too

\------------------------------

**My Support Bras**

**Als**

Lily my love

you've got a bit of stubble rash

you know

all over your jaw

**Lils**

You should see my thighs...

**Marls**

AHHHHHHH!

**Dorko**

You dirty dirty girl

I LOVE it

**Als**

WELL??????

**Lils**

Whoever said

that they reckoned he was enthusiastic in bed

was bang on the mark

**Marls**

Knew it

Lilylou you lucky lady

and jammy James

I wouldn't say no to a Lily Evans of my own

**Als**

**👆🏽**

**Dorko**

Tbh same

**Lils**

Love you girls!

\------------------------------

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S**

**Dorcas**

Amazing job last night lads

Was so good

**Marlene**

Agreed

it was such a fun night!

**Alice**

And thanks to S's supply of good wine

I don't have a hangover!

Do you need help cleaning up?

**Remus**

We're all good thanks

The three of us blitzed it this morning

**Sirius**

Could poss do with a hand

taking the empties

to the bottle bank though

**Alice**

Ooo i love the bottle bank

Give me a bit

**Marlene**

I'll come too

We can return your James at the same time

**Remus**

Was going to ask if our boy

has made an appearance yet

**Dorcas**

Nope!

They're still squirreled away

in our girls room

**Sirius**

Eyyy

**Lily**

Calm yourselves

we're literally just getting up

**Alice**

I'll bring you coffee!

Frank's still asleep

**Lily**

Don't worry Al

we're not exactly in a fit state

currently

**Alice**

I don't mind!

I've seen you naked loads of time

**Lily**

Its not me i'm worried about!

oh wait never mind

Jamie says he doesn't mind

and to bring coffee

**Alice**

Be right up!

**Sirius**

And people say me and Re are the exhibitionists

it wasn't us

sneaking away to 

do the hibberty-dibberty

last night

**Pete**

Where do you both

get these from??

And you can wipe that smug look off your face

Don't think i didn't notice

the two of you creeping in to the bathroom

and then Moony

reappearing with his flies undone

**Sirius**

FFS Remus!

We could have had one over on them

**Remus**

I didn't have my flies undone!!

Did i?

**Pete**

Nope

You're an idiot Padfoot

**Sirius**

I'm watching you Pettigrew

**Dorcas**

Oh God 

are we going to have to start a tally?

**Remus**

NO!

They'll make it into

some weird competition

**Sirius**

Do it!

**James**

Do it!

**Sirius**

Bet Remus

can get me off

before Lily can you

**Remus**

Sirius!

Absolutely not

**James**

Oh its on!

**Lily**

No its not!!

**Alice**

Not to stir

or anything 

but surely

it would be better

to see who lasts longest?

**Lily**

Alice!

**Remus**

Can you not??

**Sirius**

No problem!

Get ready to have your arse handed to you Prongs

**Pete**

Can i just remind you

how long you were actually in the bathroom for

**Marlene**

**😂**

**Dorcas**

This is hilarious

**Alice**

Pete

you are officially my fav

**Sirius**

I hate you all

\------------------------------

**We Who Shall Not Be Named**

**Prongs**

Is anyone awake?

**Wormtail**

Yup

**Moony**

And us

You ok?

**Prongs**

Yeah fine

Just can't sleep

**Moony**

You think it was maybe 

the shots of Dr Pepper

you made us do

20 minutes before bed?

**Padfoot**

Shush you

Do you want to come in Prongsie?

**Prongs**

Yes please

😀

**Wormtail**

Me too?

**Moony**

Obviously Pete

honestly

asking

🙄

**Padfoot**

Will you see

if there are any of those

mini eclairs left in the fridge please?

**Prongs**

Theres mini eclairs

mini doughnuts

mini lemon meringues

and mini treacle tarts

**Moony**

Hard yes to all of that

**Wormtail**

I'll grab a disney

  
  


**Prongs**

That was nice

Love you guys

**Wormtail**

Me too

Sleep tight

**Remus**

Don't let the bed bugs bite

**Padfoot**

I wouldn't mind

a certain bed bug

having a little nibble

**Prongs**

Guys?

**Moony**

Yeh Prongs?

**Prongs**

Especially in December, gift wrap your member

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done! Thank you so much for reading and for all the lovely comments so many of you have left, its been super fun to write.
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/aqua-myosotis-scorpioides)


	51. One Shots etc

I have written a few one shots which match up to various chapter from The PB to my J. If you fancy reading them they're detailed below 😀

1\. [The Remusaurus Rex](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27603283) The night Remus became a dinosaur, based on Chapter 12.

2\. [When Remus decides he likes Sirius Black](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27654998) When the boys first meet, loosely based on the contents of Sirius' letter to Remus in Chapter 18.

3\. [Little Red Riding Rem and his Big Bad Wolf](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27778849) The infamous Dorcas bathroom scene 😉, based on Chapter 33 & 34.

4\. [He's bringing Sexy Back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960026) Remus slut drops on Sirius' birthday, based on Chapter 42.

5\. [Valentine's Day Pancakes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/29473983) Andromeda comes to visit, loosely based on Chapter 26 of Part 2

There are more to come, i'll update on here as I post them.

I have also started working on a Part 2 to the main story, mainly because it's so fun to write!


	52. Chapter 52

Shameless self promotion...

I've just posted Chapter 1 of The PB to my J - Part Two.

Read it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28272648)


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